Neighbor: Dude are ya fahkin' psyched for the game or what dude?
Me: I'm not a sports fan. I hated those kids growing up. Two of the proudest moments in my life were hospitalizing jock bullies—snapping during a math test to stab So-And-So repeatedly in the back of his neck with a #2 pencil in the 5th grade, concussing What's-His-Name sophomore year in under ninety seconds. Both were hockey players a head taller than me.
Neighbor: 😮
Me: 😶



