Chinyere Okoli-AzzalarabWhy Is He Matching My Attitude?
Let’s have a real “sister-to-sister” moment for a second. We’ve all been there. You’ve had a long day, or maybe he did something that just rubbed you the wrong way, and suddenly—bam—the attitude comes out. Now, I’m the first to admit, when I get triggered, I might get a little loud. I might get a little spicy. I might even be a little dramatic. I’m a woman; I have layers, okay?
The Problem with Matching Energy in an Argument
But here is where the wheels usually fall off the wagon: Why on earth is he matching my energy?
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been in a situation where I’m frustrated, and instead of being the “calm in the storm,” the man decides to become the storm himself. Like, sir? Why are you pouting? Why are your arms crossed? Why are you using that “don’t-talk-to-me” tone of voice? I already have an attitude; we don’t need two of them in this house! We literally cannot afford the property taxes on two attitudes!
The Refreshing Power of Emotional Grounding
There is nothing—and I mean nothing—more refreshing than a man who refuses to be moved by my temporary emotional chaos.
Think about it. If I’m “trippin,” and he starts yelling back, it just becomes a competition of who can be more annoying. But if he stops, looks me dead in the eyes, and says, “Sit down, look at me, and tell me what’s actually going on,” my whole soul just… exhales.
How Calm Leadership Acts as a Spiritual Reset
There is a specific kind of “manly reassurance” that acts like a spiritual reset button. When he stays calm, it forces me to realize I’m being the extra one. It’s hard to stay mad at a man who is being a leader. If he can address the problem, correct it if he messed up, or—most importantly—tell me I’m being “delusional” in a voice that sounds like velvet and authority?
Girls… it’s game over. I’m done.
Why We Need an Anchor, Not a Mirror
The image I’m looking at right now says it perfectly: Life can really be THIS EASY. When a man leads with composure, it makes me want to be better. It makes me want to apologize. It makes me want to go into that kitchen and whip up a five-course meal just to show my appreciation for him not acting like a 14-year-old girl during an argument.
There is something so attractive about a man who realizes that just because I’m acting emotional doesn’t mean he has to join the circus. One of us has to stay grounded. One of us has to lead.
To the guys reading this: We don’t need you to be our mirror. We have a mirror in the bathroom for that. We need you to be the anchor.
If I’m acting out because something you did triggered me, and then you start acting emotional too? Then nobody is driving the car! Who is going to be the man? Who is going to lead?
When you stay calm, you win. I win. The relationship wins. And honestly? You probably get a way better dinner out of the deal too.
#arguingInRelationships #Communication #ConflictResolution #DatingAdvice #deEscalatingConflict #emotionalIntelligence #emotionalLeadership #HealthyRelationships #matchingMyAttitude #relationshipAdvice #relationshipAdviceForWomen #relationshipCommunication #storiesFromTina
DimmaJo Blog
Zsolt Zsemba
Albert Alarcon Jr.
RocJane
WPS News
think and grow