Irvin Yalom asked the members of hundreds (or thousands) of #psychotherapy groups to write down their worst secret fear. He said that these fears could almost always be classified as one of two things:
- Fear of being unlovable or unable to love fully
- Fear of not contributing sufficiently to the world around you
He was initially trained as a Freudian1 psychoanalyst, so he called these fears
"Lieben und Arbeiten".
I sometimes think of this as I go through my life: everyone I meet or see, no matter how they present themselves, is probably struggling with (1) a feeling that they are not lovable or they don't know how to love others, and (2) a feeling that they have failed to make a difference in the world around them.
This makes me feel closer to people, even people I don't want to feel close to.
1 Freud was a shitty scientist and his theories were generally very bad. He was, however, an astute observer of human behavior and maybe an okay half-assed philosopher.