Back in family court fighting for you

I’m on the train home after a momentous day. It’s mid-afternoon with beautiful blue skies and people are wearing their short sleeve shirts and summer dresses. Maybe some of them were smart enough to take the day off, for an extra long weekend.

Today’s hearing

This week has been horrendous and my experience of the family court process is that it feels completely haphazard and unpredictable, which fades away hope for a good outcome for us.

At the hearing, I was placed in a heartbreaking position. Now your mum has created the status quo of you living in River Town, it’s realistically impossible that the court would force her to return to the Big City or even establish a workable coparenting arrangement. The only thing I’ve ever wanted is to parent you equally, 50/50 time with both parents and all our love.

I’ve tried so hard to make sense out of her reasoning for all of this. I will never understand why she’s doing everything to stop us having a proper relationship. Why does she hate the idea of you getting a kiss from me goodnight?

Remaining problems

I had to focus the issues at the hearing on when we would have time together and start overnights. Otherwise, your mum clearly wouldn’t let it happen for a long time and be rigid and create obstacles. So I can’t leave it up to her to decide.

I overheard her barrister refusing to negotiate, it sounded like your mum had already made this a red line.

I also couldn’t leave arrangements about your birthday for your mum to decide on. I want to be able to give you a cake, to give you a birthday kiss…

At the hearing, your mum refused to agree that I could have you on your birthday. She’s heartless.

What’s happening next

Although I tried to be practical, your mum completely refused to agree to when I could have you overnight and about your birthday, so the court’s help is still needed to resolve those issues. A further date has been set for early October.

We’ve lost so much time already, but before completely slipping through my fingers, I will keep fighting for you and I’ll keep building a happy home you will always feel safe at. I promise sweetheart.

I hope you never doubt my love for you.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1ryI8w9IcBc0eLJ1MHklkJ?si=T-hjqtsfQeOByIp0mMj__w

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The torment of looming family court

This week started with the deadline for filing documents to the court. All weekend it’s all I thought about. The stress and uncertainty that the outcome may become a horrible legally enforced separation between us.

Your mum’s lies and accusations

Your mum has used random messages as evidence against me. She’s clutching at straws including making up that I take you around all day on public transport. She has no remorse and acts with total impunity. The sad fact is she can make up whatever she likes, it’ll just work against me and never be checked.

The reality is that since she took you away the day before my birthday, the week before Christmas, I’ve been too scared of losing time again. I’ve brought you home and avoided travelling in case she refuses to let us have time together, again.

Taking the solicitor and barrister’s advice

Everyone is telling me to concede, to present myself as the reasonable one. They’ve told me the courts won’t do anything to bring us back to the same city, or develop a suitable arrangement so I can coparent you.

I’m shattered and heartbroken. I will go to court to face lies. I’m devastated and the week hasn’t even finished, the event hasn’t even taken place.

The courts will reinforce the status quo, the status quo your mum calculated to separate us and make it impossible to care for you or even give you a kiss goodnight, without her getting in our way.

I don’t know what Friday will bring but it’s nearly here. We’ll be in the same city but I’m not allowed to go and see you at nursery.

Thinking ahead

In the future, something will change, I’m sure. Right now, this is the most pain I’ve ever experienced.

My dream is to give you a bath tonight, to put you to bed and listen to you sleep all night.

https://open.spotify.com/track/6UBSgILqh7FgaVNWoHfBlj?si=2d6f1e9468674951

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5vM8I3uTRSILgH9x7uw4vp?si=cTfqrOL-Rcmf_vWzv585NQ

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Family court day was like a nightmare

The sun’s rising over Gold Rings Park. It’s a clear sky and Kingsford is already getting busy.

I’m too tired to think or be upset. The coach is full of young tourists chatting in various languages, pleased to return home from their holiday in the Big City.

Back in the Big City on the train back home

Moments like these fill me with sadness because it’s clear your mum is willing to lie to get between us. She doesn’t want me to have a meaningful part of your life, she wants to control everything.

The court hearing

I arrived to an office style building, unsure what to expect. Inside, your mum asked for a private room, a space reserved for victims. She’s willing to put on a show, as ridiculous as it is, considering we meet at your handover. She’s no victim, and at this point, more qualified for being an actor.

The hearing was brief. I couldn’t make my statement because I was too upset. Reading my statement was like being tortured. I’ve never been more humiliated in my life. I was there to beg to see you. The setup was like a criminal asking for leniency. What was my crime? To want to love and protect you?

Your mum had a team around her. A hotshot barrister and solicitor created a shield where she didn’t even have to speak for herself. She paid others to lie for her. She will ensure no expense will be spared to get her way and push me out of your life.

Your mum’s barrister proclaimed several times that we were in agreement on many aspects. A manipulation designed to perpetuate the status quo your mum imposed. I have never agreed to losing our relationship. I will never agree for you to be taken away from me.

Your mum’s barrister also said your mum did not want to be involved in litigation. This was one of the few truthful comments, however it has always been within her control to discuss arrangements. She the one, that refuses to speak.

Fundamentally, your mum is the one demanding full control. I have only asked for equal parenting, so I can be there to look after you and help make your life as wonderful and happy as it should be.

Next steps

A further report was ordered, this will be done on your behalf and the court will use its recommendations.

I expect it will advise to keep the status quo. Your mum would have calculated this from the start. This whole process had an outcome when she started it. Your mum covertly planned and calculated it to have maximum impact against me.

You may never have a childhood where I have proper involvement. But you’ll see that I will be there for you no matter what, even if that’s just a few days I’m allowed.

The days assigned to me are like the arrangements set to a criminal. My only crime will have been to love your little face and wanting to be there for you.

Losing hope

I’m exhausted, depressed, saddened, like nothing I’ve ever experienced or could imagine. Life is hell and the only thing I want is to give you a bath at night, get you snug into bed and give you a kiss when you wake up.

It will soon be a year since I was last with you when you woke up in the morning.

We will never have our time back, your mum has stolen it and denied us our love.

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Leaving the year behind, starting the new year together

Good riddance to the year just gone. I hope for more light in the year ahead.

I’ve been at home over Christmas thinking about you, upset about how things are and how angry your mum is.

This weekend was an opportunity to end a horrible year and start a new one with you comfortable and happy.

An imposed plan but I’m glad to share time with you

A few weeks ago your mum imposed this weekend and my requests to discuss and create a plan that accommodates everyone, were refused.

I didn’t want to give your mum an excuse to not let me have you, so I cancelled plans to see family and let her know I would be at home. On top of everything your mum’s done, I can no longer make plans without the risk of her taking you away last minute.

Saturday

I asked your mum to drop you off on the street by home, it’s quiet with no traffic and in front of the entrance to our flat. Your mum refused and insisted to meet at the station.

I arrived and you were sleeping. It was raining heavily and your mum suggested I take you for a walk while you sleep. I walked around the neighbourhood, like I did when you were very little. I was soaked and cold but at least I had you for the day.

Uncle’s fun present

Your uncle had got you a present, but because your mum took you away when we were meant to visit him, you were unable to collect it and open it while he was in the UK as he’s now on holiday.

He had bought you a dancing cactus loaded with his voice singing a special happy new year message for you.

I wanted him to get the chance to see you open your present so I had let him know I’d try to video call him when we were home. After texting him he replied that he had briefly parked up to respond and would find somewhere to call me back from, as he was keen to see you.

All the way from the other side of the world, he finally saw you open your present. You enjoyed carrying the cactus friend around all day.

The rest of the day was some of the happiest we’ve had together. We were calm and playing, you were giggling and being silly. It was the best time.

Sunday

This was the first opportunity I’ve had you for 2 days in a row since your mum took you away. Your mum still won’t let me have you overnight. I miss giving you a bath and knowing you were sleeping nearby overnight. I miss your snores and how beautiful and happy you were in the mornings.

Reminiscing being together

When we were living together, I would prepare your night bottle and I would give you your morning bottle, after playing for a bit, after you woke up. These moments were so important for us to bond – I gave you lots of kisses on your just woken up face.

Back in the present, our day together was another super lovely time that I will cherish, I was the happiest dad knowing that the first day of the year was together, even if confined within less than 5 hours.

As it wasn’t raining and generally a nice but cold day, I took you out. I’d never gone for a walk with you and wasn’t really sure if you would be able to handle the journey with your little legs!

After a decent walk, I thought it’d be best to pop you in the buggy where you quickly slept and I walked around the neighbourhood. These moments, however mundane, are my favourite of the whole week. Every kiss on your squishy nose is the best.

Before heading over to the station to hand you over to your mum, I changed into my running clothes. I’m running the Big City marathon in a few months and starting training properly. It will be a Sunday so I’m hoping I’ll be able to swap the day to the Saturday. I wish I could see you after the run, there would be no better motivation than seeing you at the end. Fingers crossed your mum will cooperate in some way, otherwise you know who I’ll be thinking of while running the 26 miles.

Sunday evenings

It’s extremely difficult to end the week without you. Sunday evenings are the hardest moments. Every day I wish we could be living life together, like visiting the town hall to see their special events or the activities promoted at the activity centre next door or just hang out with friends at the eateries bustling with families.

It’s amazing how much has changed since summer. It wasn’t so long ago when we were at the town hall with our friends Jim and Elly, you were almost naked, it was gloriously sunny and I kept you hydrated with endless watermelon.

Running past the town hall I thought about all the things we’ve missed out on. I’m sure we’ll be able to do more soon, but this last year we’ve missed so many special moments together.

Happy New Year, baby

I’ll keep fighting for you. You’re the most stunning little girl I’ve ever met and can’t wait to see what each year will bring.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/05JiOW25gfRYPMApqQaoOS?si=HX93AEQGS1a8BZ1mqxLRvw

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