Mastodawn

@evilsam #evilsam is the only hashtag I follow. Everything else gets muted.

I know I’m not funny anymore but at least I’m getting laid.

Today’s a great day to have sex.

With yourself? Sure.

Had a dream I was riding on the North Pole while holding chestnuts and licking snow off of my face. I guess it’s time to lay off the egg nog.

Why on earth can’t they make one vibrator with interchangeable heads that does it all? I’d like my storage space back.

Nothing is more reliable than a fuckboy after midnight.

Found my new shirt in Sam’s closet. He’s a keeper.

It’s ok I won’t tell your partner that you like all my posts.

Back in my day dog collars weren’t even padded. This good boy is extra spoiled.

Waiting for my stuffing.