Laughing my head off, saying "Banquo's Ghost" in a Geordie accent. BEST DAY EVER! #eggyboo

Who's got two thumbs and is currently thinking all my thoughts in the voice of Johnny Cash? This guy! *my thumbs are pointing at my face* #visualjoke #eggyboo

So Timmy Mallet caught me bringing tha phonk. And, for reasons I'm still not fully clear on, this really pissed him off. So we got into a bit of a tussle and I ended up on the wrong side of a pretty vicious judo chop to the neck. All of which is to say no, this is NOT an "Avid Merrion impression". #eggyboo

I must say, gently humming the theme to Seinfeld whilst peeling all the skin off my fingers is proving to be a massive confidence boost. #eggyboo

I think it was Meat Loaf that said "I would do anything for love, except filming myself excitedly re-enacting my most recent playthrough of Myst. I just won't do it!". And you know what? I believe him. #eggyboo

When I'm alone and life is getting me down, I just spend some time carrying an egg around in a dirty flannel and that sometimes makes me feel a bit better. Downtown. #eggyboo

I was hanging out with a radical dude and I was like "Dude, it would be so extreme if I were barricading myself in my office" and he was like "Hell yes, dude!" so I did it and it was totally rad. #eggyboo

Don't you DARE presume to tell me how to go about relentlessly driving dozens of home-made cheeseburgers into my belly. DON'T direct me. #eggyboo

If you see me running a tiny sealion whisker brush along the nap of my velvet slippers, say "hello"! But don't expect a reply. #eggyboo

Triumphantly angrily spray-painting "cadfael" on the greengrocer's van (and he knows why), with all the bombast and grandeur of Meat Loaf's "Greatest Hits" #eggyboo