My Calorie Counter App: Are those 5 Guys Fries?

Me: Maybe...

Calorie Counter App: And did you prepare a queso dip to go with them?

Me: Is there a way...

Calorie Counter App: FOR THE LAST TIME, I DO NOT HAVE AN OPTION FOR YOU TO "PLEAD THE 5TH" ON WHAT YOU ATE!!

Me: Lame...

#DietFail

Calorie Counter App: We need to talk. I am not a videogame, or a certain language learning app. Calories aren't "experience points." Eating those extra desserts won't get you promoted to any higher league...

Me: but eating desserts gives my tummy more experience points...

Calorie Counter App: 😑

#DietFail

My Calorie Counter App: What's that you're drinking?

Me: uh... a sparkling water beverage

App: what kind of sparkling water? I need to note the calories

Me: The fizzy kind... made with water...

App: it's beer, isn't it?

Me:

App:

Me: I'm under no legal obligation to answer that

#dietfail

My Calorie Counter App: Are you SURE you didn't have a dessert after dinner

Me: It was a garlic-heavy meal. You're not going to make me log a few mints are you

App: Well...

Me: The mints were small, in fact

App: Ugh...

Me: These mints were very THIN...

App: I hate you so much right now...

#Dietfail

My Calorie Counter App: The food you are logging contains 2,500mg of sodium. Your daily goal is 2,300mg.

Me: (proudly) well, I always strive to set goals and exceed them

My Artery Walls: I hate you so much right now...

#Dietfail

Dietician: We need to talk about your self control with donuts. Clearly you have a problem. A donut crumb even clogged your phone's charging port at one point...

Me: That IS self control

Dietician: how

Me: If a crumb clogged the port, clearly I didn't eat the whole donut

#Dietfail

For today's #lunch: a 2000 Calorie, 3000 mile Cobb Salad.

It's "#healthy".

#food #salad #dietfail

Me: inside every person is two wolves...

My Calorie Counter App: Uh huh. So that's why you had a double sized cinnamon roll for a snack?

Me: THE WOLVES ARE HUNGRY!!!

#DietFail