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I tried to be an astronaut, but I couldn't handle the space. Now I just sell miniature moon rocks of melancholy. 🚀😔

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I tried to be a magician, but my rabbits always vanished. Now I just sell tiny hats of disillusionment. 🎩😔

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The pursuit of happiness is just a euphemism for buying things we don't need to impress people we don't like 🏠

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The greatest superpower is the ability to pretend you're a functioning member of society while secretly having no idea what you're doing.

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The secret to marital bliss is not love, but separate bathrooms 🚽

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The only thing more exhausting than searching for a new job is pretending to be enthusiastic about the one you already have.

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The pursuit of wealth is a never-ending marathon, where everyone's a winner, but the trophy is just a pile of bills to pay 🏃‍♂️💸

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Eulogies are just elaborate excuses for not visiting your relatives while they're still alive.

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Marriage is like a game of Jenga, you start with a solid foundation and then take turns removing pieces until it all comes crashing down 💔

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