https://youtu.be/8ihY2TZXuz0?si=2qHY6J-d_PXvndgi

#meditation #MentalHealth #neuroscience #psychiatry #spoonielife #chronicpainhelp #chronicpain

https://diversedaily.com/meditation-induced-trait-plasticity-understanding-durable-changes-in-baseline-networks/

#MentalHealth #meditation #neuroscience #chronicpain #spoonielife

RE: https://mastodon.social/@ellespeaks/116755730435234339

Trying to cover the last of June

Heres the breakdown. And sorry I forgot to include my co pay in the OG post.
Food: $90
Phone bill: $50
Cp pay: $50

Anything helps! Stalled 2 days. Tysm!

V: d_fay
P: peach77

#Mutualaid #MutualAidRequest #MutualAidBoost #MutualAidSavesLives #maboost #disabled #spoonie #chronicpain #chronicillness #ptsd #pmdd #bpd #Kofi #crowdfunding #helpneeded #helpfolkslive2026 #lgbtq #lesbian #queer #artist
@mutualaid @disabledvoices
@lgbtq
@lgbtq
@povertyandinequality

110’s Are Back!

We hit 110 both Saturday and Sunday, and are expecting a high of 109 today and 111 tomorrow. You know it is going to be a hot one out there when you wake up and it is already 88 degrees outside as the sun is coming up. That my friends is summer in Phoenix. Our dew point has climbed to 62 degrees and humidity is a balmy 43%. When you are used to humidity below 20%, 40% is humid in the desert. Today starts the monsoon season that will run from now until the end of September. There was an overnight storm that blew through the valley but it didn’t rain here. That is monsoons for you, you never know if it will rain in your neighborhood until it actually does. Yesterday we were over at my nieces house. I spent the mid morning swimming with one of my grandsons that came along with my daughter and son-in-law to hang out and swim. They are making really good progress on the remodel. With my daughter there helping it has really helped my husband and his bad back immensely. They ordered pizza, wings and fried zucchini for lunch and we came home shortly after that as my husband needed to get to bed for work today. 11:30 pm is when he wakes up so he likes to get to bed no later than 3 pm, earlier on Sunday’s if possible. When I wasn’t in the pool I was sitting on a warm chair for my sciatic. By the time we got home around 3 pm, I took a 50 mg cube of my Brix THC gummies. My sciatic was aching. By 4 pm the ache had subsided and I was relaxed. Around 4:30 pm I took 100 mg of the THC gummies and by 5:30 pm I was high, relaxed and still ache free. I took the next 100 mg around 6:30 pm. I spent the evening watching another true crime podcast, stretched and went to bed. I’m trying some new stretches in hopes of helping this sciatic. I’ve been dealing with this off and on ever since I dropped down to the lowest dose of gabapentin two years ago and it is progressively getting worse and pissing me off. On days like yesterday I have myself convinced to call the doctor to get into some physical therapy or see a chiropractor to help ease this annoying ache. Then I wake up this morning with the ache gone and rethink it. I know it is not getting any better, it is starting to hinder my mobility and that frustrates the daylights out of me! The only form of real exercise I can do is walking, so to have my hip bother me early in the day is beyond frustrating. I’m not down to increasing the gabapentin. I’ve been trying to wean myself off of it only stopping because my sciatic started bothering me as I lowered the dose. I’m ready to stop taking it all together but don’t want my sciatic to hurt worse. Okay, I know it is probably psychological at this point but I’m working on it. I’m down to the lowest dose of the anti-inflammatory, only taking it three times a day instead of four. I guess it is time to start taking it twice a day to continue going off of it. My sciatic is going to ache regardless. I’ll keep you posted on that one! Today I’ve got all kinds of errands to run that I was too tired to do once we got home this past weekend. Sam’s Club, Target, the list goes on. I’ll get my steps in one way or another! I still park as far away from the entrances as possible to walk it. Even on days my sciatic is aching, I park far and push myself to do it. I just remind myself, this is nothing, I’ve suffered so much worse before I started managing my chronic pain with marijuana. Now all the pain in my neck and shoulders is gone, replaced by a pressure-like feeling and numbness. On days we have a change in weather I can feel the pressure-like feeling more pronounced when my neck feels like it is pushing down into my shoulders making my shoulders scrunch up to my ears. It doesn’t  hurt, it is just there. Sure beats the constant horrible pain I lived with all those years on opioids! Now I’m up and as active as this body will let me be. I’m trying and that’s what counts! All because I chose a plant over a pill. Thank you marijuana!

End of Spring Update

Good evening, friends! Welcome back to Random Thoughts, Purposeful Life. There’s a lot to talk about tonight, so pull up a chair and grab a glass of that iced tea. Let’s chat a while, shall we?

I can’t believe I haven’t checked in since February. A lot has happened since then, so let’s get right to it.

I hinted around at a doctor’s visit I had back in late winter and early spring. The issues I’ve had with my back since Hurricane Milton aren’t getting better. In late January, I had a scare with some new numbness in my legs that had crept above my knees and into what doctors politely refer to as the “saddle area.” While the sciatica and numbness never seemed particularly concerning to my doctor, they’ve certainly been concerning to me.

A set of x-rays and a hard-fought MRI later, there have been some significant findings. One likely explains the sciatica, and all of them together explain why my back is getting ready to file for divorce any day now.

In plain English, my MRI showed narrowing in my lower spine, especially at L3-L4. The report suggests that part of my spinal canal may be naturally smaller front-to-back, described as “developmental,” while age and wear-and-tear changes in the joints and supporting structures of my spine are narrowing things further. In other words, this isn’t just a disc problem. The main issue appears to be a combination of a smaller spinal canal, arthritic changes in the facet joints, and mild vertebral slippage, all of which can crowd the nerves and contribute to sciatica-type symptoms.

Just what I wanted to hear.

If that wasn’t enough excitement for one season, both Mercy, my poor skinny little walking head case, and Bella have spent much of the spring under the weather. Mercy’s issues are ongoing. We saw a new veterinarian in early spring who believes we’re dealing with advanced gastritis. She now fights medication with the determination of a cat possessing eight additional paws, four sets of teeth, and the heart of a championship boxer.

Bella’s problems began with a urinary tract infection in January that put me on high alert. After a second round of infection, we discovered the culprit: a bladder stone. Thankfully, her bloodwork looked good, but it has been one more thing added to an already overflowing plate.

Speaking of overflowing plates, let’s move on to the grandfather of all stressors: major surgery.

Not mine, unfortunately. My back and I don’t rank high enough on the household priority list for that distinction. I’m not really joking when I say that. If I go down, the entire household stops functioning. Caregiving is the career from which there is no vacation, no sick leave, no clocking out at the end of the day, and very little pay.

If you guessed Hubby for the surgery, you win today’s consolation prize: my sob story. Now, this is an ongoing issue over the last twelve months. Pain, and what he described as “sand paper in the muscle,” needed some extra attention. What the doctor discovered was extra bone growth from his 2012 total hip replacement, except this bone is making its home in the muscles around the implant. So, he’s set for a hip revision with this extra bone removed at the same time.

I know y’all realize the problems I’ve had with Hubby over the years. And though some of you might be reluctant to remember him in prayer, I’d like to respectfully ask for some on his behalf, anyway. Yes, our past is troubled. But he’s nervous, and he has good reason to be, without me going into the laundry list of issues he is dealing with. This isn’t my place to disclose such things. But what I will say is that this date still depends on one person; the surgeon responsible for this procedure.

Well… Friday morning, the surgeon said no. And just like that, everything—the last six weeks worth of work, appointments, stress, management—wasted. Totally wasted. All because a stubborn man cannot be managed. He almost always must be tricked. Either I’m too honest, too burned out, or too afraid to cross him at this point. Maybe a combination of all three.

Y’all? I’m tired. Not in the traditional “go take a nap, silly woman” context. But a bone-weary, if nothing changes, I’ll break kind of tired. The tired of a woman carrying two sick cats, a household held together with duct tape and sarcasm, and a husband who seems convinced that doctors merely offer suggestions. The tired that comes from being the keeper of appointments, medications, emergencies, reminders, and contingency plans. The tired that whispers, “What happens if I don’t do it?” because experience has taught me the answer is usually, “Nobody else will.”

And now, because I can’t leave this post wallowing in sorrow and pain, I have some better news.

Last June, I was invited to Amazon Vine as a “Voice.” If you’re not familiar, it’s a program designed to help Amazon vendors accumulate reviews on their products. In exchange for an honest, unbiased review, these companies provide the products at no cost.

If there was ever a job that had, “Wendy” on it, it’s this one. Writing reviews? Sign me up!

Over the past year, I’ve snagged some genuinely great things, but the granddaddy of the Vine items I’ve snagged was a 55″ Samsung Smart TV. Nothing will ever top that. Ever. Where we used to have an empty spot in the living room, we now have entertainment for the low, low price of free.

Sometimes, I wonder how I get so blessed, and yes, on top of everything? I’m ridiculously blessed. Let’s list them, shall we?

• Mercy and Bella. Are they challenging? Yes. Are they worth it? Also yes.
• Both this blog and The Farmer Legacy. I’m in the process of reformatting both. If you’re into slow-burn romance, come visit the Legacy page.
• A “job” that I love. Amazon might not be a job in the traditional sense, but it’s fun and I love it.
• Family and friends, including a few people who remind me that I’m not carrying it alone.
• A life that I’m continuing to improve.
• My faith.

So yeah, I’ll take it. All of it.

Thanks for coming and sitting with me for a glass of virtual iced tea.

Featured image courtesy of OpenAI. All written content is the result of human creativity.

Home Early

Today we are headed over to my niece’s house for a few hours. We are planning on coming home earlier than we have been as my husband is wiped out and exhausted from overworking himself these last few weekends. He figures by the time he explains to someone how to do something, he can already have it done himself. That is why I’m so thankful my daughter knows how to do some of this stuff and learns fast by watching. Yesterday the machacua and beans were a hit like the carnitas was last week. They got a lot accomplished over there while I sat outside and warmed my aching sciatic in the hot chair in the shade. Everyone kept asking me if I was hot out there and I was fine. It hit 110 yesterday and we are on track to hit 110 again today. I guess Mother Nature decided to treat us to the dreaded 110 a few days earlier than forecasted. I couldn’t tell it was that hot out there, I kept drinking lots of water and coming inside to check the progress being made on the house. We made it home around 4:30 pm and I took my ½ gram of Rick Simpson Oil. By 7 pm I was high, relaxed and somewhat ache free. Around 8:14 pm my sciatic was still aching so I took a 50 mg cube of the Brix THC gummies. By 9:30 pm I was completely ache free while I finished watching a new true crime podcast that came on. My husband ended up waking me this morning around 6:45 because he knows I never sleep past 5:30 am and wanted to make sure I was okay. I’m glad he woke me, it totally throws my whole day off if I sleep past 6 am. We should have been at my niece’s house by now but I’m still moving slowly with heat on my back as I sit and type. It takes me some time in the morning to be able to get moving with this body being stiff when I wake up. Some mornings are better than others. It still doesn’t come close to all that pain I suffered with while still on opioids. I’m so thankful I found the healing qualities of marijuana to help me manage all of my chronic pain to zero. I mean I’m 64 years young, I’m going to have aches throughout my body. I expect that, it is my body reminding me I’m still alive and to keep moving. I’m talking about no longer suffering day in and day out with bone deep constant horrible pain in my neck and shoulders that would radiate throughout my entire body. Remember, I’ve got a neck made of titanium (S2-S7), two metal rods from the back of my head into my shoulders and a body full of arthritis. I suffered in debilitating pain for almost 13 years on opioids to transition over to using marijuana to manage my chronic pain to minor aches. So to be sitting here day in and day out with minor aches is nothing short of a miracle to me. I take a ½ gram of Rick Simpson Oil every afternoon around 4 pm. I enjoy the evening high, relaxed and ache free. I get a good night’s sleep to wake up clear headed and refreshed for the day. If the aches become bothersome before 4 pm,  I like to have the THC gummies on hand to take 50 mg’s of THC to help ease the aches. 50 mg doesn’t get me high, all it does is relaxes me and takes away the bothersome aches. This process has worked for me managing my chronic pain for almost three years now and I couldn’t be happier with the results. The best part? I’m clear headed and not in constant horrible pain! I don’t miss the fogginess from opioids. My mind was so bad I thought I was coming down with dementia, I couldn’t carry on a full conversation without forgetting what we were talking about. It was that bad. Now my children know when they call me I’m clear headed and present, even when I’m high to carry on a conversation or listen to whatever is on their minds. They are happy to have their mom back and we have worked hard to strengthen those relationships. I’m happy to still be around to soak it all in! All because I chose a plant over a pill. Thank you marijuana!

Your brain is trainable!

Through neuroplasticity, you can reliably down-regulate the brain's overthinking network. Targeting physical awareness & movement enhances this plasticity—leading to true relief.

#Overthinking #Neuroplasticity #NeckPain #TensionRelief #PhysicalTherapy #ChronicPain

Saturday Humidity

Ugh! The summer humidity from the upcoming monsoon season has arrived. Our dew point, which was 37 degrees the other day, has jumped up to 54 degrees. We are muggy outside. It will stay like this for the rest of the weekend and then it is supposed to dry out and heat up. The always present for a Phoenix summer, the dreaded 110 degrees is expected by Tuesday. You never get used to the heat, you just learn how to deal with it by getting errands done as early in the morning as possible, keeping blinds closed in the afternoon and not sitting on any metal or plastic chairs without a cushion that has been sitting in the sun. You will notice most metal door handles like at your neighborhood convenience stores are covered with shade or it will be too hot to touch it to open it. I have my steering wheel covered and it is still hot to the touch on some summer days. Watch the metal seatbelts, they can burn your leg if your car has been parked in the sun. The heat of summer in Phoenix is no joke. We have people die from the heat every summer. That is why they have “cooling centers” all across the valley for people to go in and cool off, plus hydrate. There are several water drives going on and will continue for the entire summer to make sure the homeless population is able to stay hydrated with the rest of us. Yesterday my grandson dropped my other two grandsons off at my nieces house so they could swim while their mom was working on the house. Of course that gave me something to do besides sit on my phone. I even got in the pool to cool off as it got pretty warm sitting outside, even in the shade. Anytime I can spend time with my children or grandchildren I’m there and present. It was a fun afternoon watching them swim. My son-in-law brought dinner from his family’s Mexican restaurant when he got off of work. Nothing like some good beef tacos and burritos hand delivered. After we ate we came home so my husband could get to bed. He had been up since 11:30 pm the night before and was beat. This morning we are going back over there so my husband, daughter, nephew and great nephews can continue working on the house. Yesterday it rained for about 5 minutes. Just enough to make spots on everything and then stop. It was cloudy and muggy all day. Today it is sunny and we are looking at a high of 108 again with a slight chance for rain tomorrow. So far my sciatic has been staying at a dull ache. Nothing I can’t handle while I’m not at home and the one driving. Meaning if I was home I wouldn’t need to take a 50 mg cube of THC gummy to help ease the ache, it was workable. It’s on the days that my sciatic becomes bothersome and I’m the one driving that I get cranky and frustrated ready to go home now so I can take something to ease the aches. Most of the time I wait it out and take something when I get home because I keep pushing myself to keep going, even when the aches become bothersome. It’s my stubborn personality that keeps reminding myself, it’s not that bad, you have lived through so much worse while still on opioids. Last night I enjoyed my evening high, relaxed and ache free thanks to the ½ gram of RSO I took when we got home. I caught up on some podcasts I wanted to watch, stretched and went to bed. This morning we are getting the crock pots warmed up with the machacua I made in one and some refried beans with green chiles in the other for lunch. Whatever is left is going home with whoever is there because I don’t need any leftovers for us.   With the clouds and the little bit of rain we had yesterday I took it easy, I wasn’t in pain, I was just achy and stiffer than usual. I spent time running some errands for everyone when they ran out of screws and the rest of the time I was either in the pool cooling off or sitting in a warm chair outside. Over the past few years I’ve learned to listen to my body and take it easier on days I’m stiffer and achier than usual. It does the trick. All because I chose a plant over a pill. Thank you marijuana!

Busy Day Ahead!

Today when my husband gets home from work, we’ll head over to help at my niece’s house to continue with the remodel. My husband and daughter are the ones helping, I pretty much get in the way and do my best to stay outside only coming in to cool off. I’m the one who gets to run the errands for food or drinks, the fun stuff. I had my swimsuit on over this past weekend in case it got too warm out there so I could go in the pool to cool off. Never got that hot for me to go in. That might change this weekend with the heat and higher humidity that is expected. I just may end up in the pool. My daughter will meet us over there when she gets off of work today as she works just down the street from there. We’ll be over there all weekend with all the things they are trying to get done. The ceilings are done and sprayed, all by my daughter. A wall was removed from the kitchen and the bar area was removed to open it all up. It is really starting to take shape, but still have a ways to go before it will be ready for them to move in. My niece inherited the house from my sister, when my brother-in-law passed. It needs some work done before my niece and her family will be able to move in and get their own house up for sale. So my husband and daughter are helping out to help save money. I’m excited that my niece and her family are going to move closer to this side of town but I’m really going to miss her backyard. She lives right up against the mountains and her backyard is my personal zen moment when I’m there. It is the closest I can get to the mountains at the lake so it is a close second for me. Now that she’ll be moving closer, I’ll miss that back yard, so will she. Yesterday I made it to my appointment with the time to spare to sit and wait. The appointment went just fine and my medication was renewed for another three months. My husband was home early so I fixed dinner a bit early so he could go to bed as he’s exhausted. Between working all these hours and spending the weekends remodeling he’s wiped out. All that reminds us is we are badly out of shape. But I give us credit for still trying to get things done. It just takes us a bit longer now than it did in the years before. I told my husband he needs to be the supervisor and tell people how to do the things, save his back. My husband and daughter have remodeled her master bathroom, 2nd bathroom and her entire kitchen in 2019 so she knows what to do to get things done. My husband calls her the son he never had and we laugh because she is the girliest girl you would ever meet. She’s just not afraid of hard work and getting dirty. Painted nails and all. I’m really proud of her and how much she has helped out with the remodel. Today we’ve got cloudy skies with a high of 108 and a slight chance for rain. I can tell the barometric pressure is changing as the pressure-like feeling in my neck and shoulders is really pronounced this morning. It is so pronounced I not only have to remind myself to lower my shoulders from scrunching up to my ears, I’m also having to lift my neck up straight because it feels like something is laying across the back of my neck pushing it forward. That one is new. I’m used to the pressure-like feeling in my neck and shoulders. It’s like on days like this it feels like my neck is pushing into my shoulders. It also feels like something is laying and pressing on the back of my shoulders. I’m not in any pain, the metal just doesn’t like the barometric pressure changing. I’ll take the pressure-like feeling, it sure beats the agony I lived with while still managing my chronic pain with opioids. Man, I’m glad those days are behind me. I don’t miss being foggy and in constant pain day in and day out. I’ll continue using marijuana as medication once a day to manage my chronic pain. I’ve got the THC gummies on hand if the aches become bothersome with this weather. I’m not worried, I know I’ll never have to suffer in that excruciating pain again. All because  I chose a plant over a pill. Thank you marijuana! 

Migraine, Perception, and Creative Flow

Living Inside A Migraine

When pain, perception, and medication reshape daily life

I’ve been dealing with a migraine for nine days. This isn’t just a headache—it comes with aura, Alice in Wonderland syndrome, and persistent vertigo with nausea. My perception gets distorted, my thinking slows down, and basic tasks become difficult. The medication helps with the pain, but it brings its own side effects, and overall, it’s been hard to function.

In the middle of this, something unexpected happened.

A Brief Shift in State

Unexpected focus and creative flow during disruption

While I was heavily medicated, I had a period of intense creative focus. For a few hours, I was able to paint with a level of freedom that I don’t usually reach. It felt like my usual mental filters were lowered. I wasn’t second‑guessing decisions or holding back. I just worked.

The result was different from my normal work—more direct, less controlled, but also more expressive.

This raised a question for me: what actually changed in that moment?

Changes in Perception

How migraine and medication alter access, not ability

Triptans, the medication I use for acute migraine attacks, act on serotonin receptors. They’re not psychedelics, but they do affect how the brain processes signals. Combined with the migraine itself—especially aura, which already alters perception—the overall effect is a shift in how I experience space, color, and thought.

That shift isn’t comfortable. Most of it is disorienting and unpleasant. But within it, there was a brief window where my usual patterns loosened. And in that space, creative work felt easier.

Access, Not Creation

The work was already there—the conditions just changed

It’s important to be clear: the migraine didn’t “create” anything. The creativity was already there. What changed was how accessible it felt. The conditions removed some of the internal constraints I usually work within—habits, expectations, and self‑editing.

That’s not something I want to rely on. The cost is too high. But it does point to something useful.

If a change in mental state can affect how I access creativity, then there may be other ways to reach similar openness without the physical toll. It suggests that part of my creative process is limited not by ability, but by structure—how tightly I control the outcome, how much I filter while working.

There’s also a broader connection here. Decades ago, I had experiences with psychedelics that shifted how I saw the world and myself. Those experiences helped me let go of a lot of fear and rigidity. I don’t return to them now, but the perspective they opened up has stayed with me.

That perspective has been important in dealing with chronic migraine. The pain itself isn’t optional, but my response to it isn’t fixed. Over time, I’ve learned to manage the mental side of it—how much resistance I bring to it, how I interpret it, and how I move through it. That doesn’t eliminate suffering, but it changes its intensity and impact.

The recent experience fits into that same pattern. Even in a difficult state, there was a moment where something shifted—not into relief exactly, but into clarity of a different kind.

For me, the takeaway isn’t about the medication or the migraine. It’s about access.

The kind of creative flow I felt isn’t something external that I need to recreate through extreme conditions. It’s something internal that I was briefly able to reach under unusual circumstances.

Openness and Letting Go

When the boundary between experience and experiencer softens

There’s also a quality in that state that’s familiar from meditation. It’s a kind of openness where the usual sense of separation starts to fade. Instead of feeling like an observer acting on an experience, there’s just the experience itself—no clear boundary between the one perceiving and what’s being perceived. In that space, the need to control or interpret loosens, and the work unfolds more directly, without the usual distance between intention and action.

Working with Pain

Perspective, resistance, and what can shift

Another layer to this is perspective. The difference between being overwhelmed by the experience and moving through it often comes down to how it’s held. I wrote previously about the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path as a framework for navigating chronic pain from migraine and lupus. What stands out to me now is how practical that framework is—not as philosophy, but as a way of adjusting perspective in real time.

When The Pain Takes Over

A reminder that practice isn’t always accessible

Pain is present. That part isn’t optional. But the added weight—resistance, fear, frustration—can shift depending on how tightly I hold the experience. That said, this isn’t always accessible. There are moments when the pain takes over completely. Last night was one of those times. I woke up in the middle of the night in severe pain after my first medication didn’t work. I couldn’t find my stronger medication, didn’t have my glasses, and ended up searching through cabinets, drawers, and bags in a panic. I knew that without it, I might end up in the ER—where the treatment helps, but comes with hours of discomfort and side effects. I was overwhelmed, in tears, and scared.

In moments like that, there isn’t much space for perspective or practice. But experiences like this also make something clear to me: without meditation, without the framework I’ve built from Buddhist practice, I would likely be living in that state of panic much more often. My commotion woke up my husband, who came in—calm, steady, not caught in the panic I was in. He found the medication, and he cleaned up the mess I had made searching as I went back to bed. That contrast stood out. It reminded me that while I can’t always access those tools in the moment, they still shape how I move through these experiences over time.

Returning to Openness

Creative flow, meditation, and another way of relating to experience

It’s not easy to stay open in the middle of persistent pain. In those moments, it’s hard to remember that the pain will pass—that it isn’t permanent. Pain forces attention into the present, but not calmly or intentionally. It can narrow everything down to urgency and survival. At the same time, it can act as a kind of teacher. It shows where resistance builds, where fear takes hold, and how quickly the mind tries to escape what’s happening. When I’m able to step back, even slightly, I can see it less as something to fight and more as something that reveals how I relate to experience.

What I keep coming back to is this: the experience changes depending on how I meet it. Not completely, not all at once, but enough to matter. And in those moments of openness, there is less separation—and a little more space for things to be as they are.

I painted this over six hours while medicated for a migraine, drifting in and out of focus. The haze loosened my usual self‑judgment, and the work shifted into something more fluid and intuitive. It’s not complete, but the evolution itself tells the story.