And It Was Good

A Sermon on the Character of God

(Note: Sermons can be heard in audio format at https://millersburgmennonite.org/worship/sermon-audio/)

Today we are starting a 3-part series on the Goodness of God. Our theme verse for this series comes from Psalm 27:13:

“I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.”

That verse will guide us through these weeks as we reflect on the goodness of God: what it means that God is good, how we have experienced God’s goodness, and how we are called to share God’s goodness with others.

Today, we begin at the beginning.

When I was a boy growing up on ten acres of wooded land in rural Mississippi, I used to climb the mimosa trees near our house. I would get sap on my knees and elbows and see ruby-throated hummingbirds seeking out the fragrant flowers around my head. I was not thinking in theological language then, but I was learning something. I was learning that I was stuck to something bigger than myself, and that something was rather wonderful.

We know about the Good Book, the Bible. We read it, study it, preach from it, and seek to live by it. But there is also what I call The Other Good Book: the book of Creation. Not a replacement for Scripture, but a witness alongside it. A book written in wind, soil, birdsong, tree bark, creek water, deer tracks, ant hills, and the breath of living things.

Creation has a way of teaching us if we are willing to listen. And one of the first things creation teaches us is this:

Dios es bueno.

God is good.

And because God is good, what God creates is good.

That is where Genesis begins.

Not with sin.
Not with shame.

But with God creating, God seeing, and God calling creation good.

Let us pray,

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of our hearts be acceptable in your sight, O God, our Rock, and our Redeemer. Amen

Homily

In the beginning, God speaks, and light comes into being. God gathers the waters and brings forth dry land. God fills the sky, sea, and earth with life. And again and again, after God creates, the same refrain appears:

And God saw that it was good.

Then God creates humankind in the image of God, blessed by God and given responsibility within creation.

And then Genesis says:

“God saw everything that he had made, and indeed, it was very good.”

That is where the story begins.

The first word over creation is not “broken,” “sinful,” or “condemned.”

The first word is good.

Before there is a fall, there is blessing. Before there is exile, there is a garden. Before there is shame, there is delight. Before there is sin, there is goodness.

That matters because we often begin the story in the wrong place. We begin with what is wrong: human failure, guilt, sin, and everything that has gone bad in the world.

We shouldn’t ignore those things. The world is wounded. Creation groans. Bodies suffer. Relationships break. Violence, poverty, and despair are real.

But Genesis does not begin there.

Genesis begins with the goodness of God overflowing into the goodness of creation.

The repeated phrase “and it was good” is not filler. It is a deeply theological claim. The created world is not a mistake. The earth is not trash. The body is not shameful. Human life is not an accident.

God looks at what God has made and calls it good.

Dios mira lo que ha hecho y lo llama bueno.

The world is good because God is good. Creation reflects the character of the Creator.

Thomas Aquinas said God is not merely one good being among others. God is goodness itself. God does not simply have goodness the way we might have a good day or do a good deed. God is good in God’s very being. God is the source from which all true goodness flows.

That is why I love this phrase:

God is good all the time.
All the time, God is good.

It may sound like a simple phrase. A church litany. A call and response.

But if we really hear it, it is one of the deepest confessions of faith we can make.

God is good.

Not merely when life is going well. Not merely when prayers are answered the way we hoped. Not merely when healing comes quickly.

But all the time.

That does not mean everything that happens is good. It does not mean suffering is good.

It means God is good.

That is an important distinction. If we confuse everything that happens with the will of God, we may begin to call evil good. We may begin to think suffering, poverty, despair, abuse, and violence somehow come from the heart of God.

Scripture tells us something different.

The Psalmist, in addressing God, says:

“You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees.” (Psalm 119:68)

God’s actions flow from God’s character. God’s commands, teaching, correction, guidance, and wisdom all come from goodness.

God’s ways are trustworthy because God is good.

But this raises an honest question.

Do we really believe God is good?

¿Realmente creemos que Dios es bueno?

Not just in what we say out loud. Not just in our hymns. Not just in our theology. But deep down, what kind of God do we imagine?

Some of us may carry an image of God as a disappointed parent, standing over us with crossed arms, waiting for us to mess up. Some of us may imagine God keeping a record of every one of our failures. Some of us may imagine God as mainly angry, cold, distant, or impossible to please.

Some of us may say “God is good,” but inwardly live as though God is out to get us.

Nuestra imagen de Dios importa porque la forma en que vemos a Dios moldea la forma en que vemos todo lo demás.

Our image of God matters because how we see God shapes how we see everything else.

If we believe God is mainly punitive, then every hardship feels like punishment. If we believe God is always disappointed, then we may never rest in grace. If we believe God is looking for reasons to condemn us, then we may become fearful, anxious, defensive, or ashamed.

But what if God is better than that?

What if God is not the author of cruelty? What if there is no evil in God? What if humanity, not God, is to blame for poverty, despair, abuse, and violence? What if God is not waiting to catch us in something wrong, but is always working to call us back into life?

To say God is good does not mean God ignores evil.

God’s goodness is not weakness or sentimentality. Because God is good, God opposes everything that destroys life.

Porque Dios es bueno, Dios se opone a todo lo que destruye la vida.

God’s judgment, rightly understood, is not the opposite of God’s goodness. God’s judgment is what goodness looks like when it confronts evil.

A good doctor does not ignore disease. A good shepherd does not ignore wolves. A good parent does not ignore harm being done to their child.

Goodness acts. Goodness protects. Goodness tells the truth. Goodness heals. Goodness restores.

So when we say there is no evil in God, we are not saying God does not care about evil. We are saying evil does not exist in nor come from God’s heart.

God is not secretly cruel. God is not secretly malicious. God is not secretly against us.

God is good.

Dios es bueno.

And if God is good, then wherever life is being restored, God is at work.

Julian of Norwich lived in a time of great suffering, illness, plague, and uncertainty. She did not deny suffering or pretend pain was unreal. But she believed that God’s love was deeper than suffering, and that in the end God’s goodness would be stronger than all that wounds and destroys.

Her famous words were, “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.”

That is not shallow optimism. That is deep trust that God’s goodness is not defeated by brokenness,

Perhaps this is why Psalm 23 speaks so deeply to us.

Green pastures, still waters, restored souls, God’s presence in the valley of the shades[RS1] , a table prepared in the presence of enemies, and a cup that overflows.

And then comes this promise:

“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.”

“Ciertamente la bondad y la misericordia me seguirán todos los días de mi vida.”

Goodness and mercy.

Not guilt and condemnation. Not shame and fear. Not wrath and suspicion. Not despair and punishment.

Goodness and mercy.

The word “follow” can carry the sense of pursuit. God’s goodness and mercy do not simply trail behind us at a distance. They pursue us. They come after us. They seek us.

We may often imagine the things following us are more sinister than that: regret, failure, the past, shame, fear.

And yes, sometimes those things can feel close behind us.

But Psalm 23 promises that there is something deeper pursuing the people of God.

Goodness and mercy.

(song)

The hounds of heaven are not guilt and condemnation. They are more like our blue tick coon hound Belle, who is sure that anyone and everyone is a friend and/or wants to be her friend too. Our pursuers are goodness and mercy.

And when sin wounds what is good, God does not abandon creation. God works to redeem it.

In Jesus, we see the goodness of God most clearly.

If our image of God does not look like Jesus blessing children, touching lepers, forgiving enemies, feeding the hungry, welcoming the outcast, forgiving enemies, and laying down his life in love, then our image of God needs to be redeemed.

Jesus does not reveal a God who is eager to condemn. Jesus reveals a God who seeks the lost, touches the untouchable, welcomes children, eats with sinners, heals the sick, lifts the shamed, and lays down life in love.

If you want to know whether God is good, look at Jesus.

Jesús es cómo se ve la bondad de Dios hecha carne.

Jesus is what the goodness of God looks like in the flesh.

So perhaps the invitation today is for each of us to look within and examine the image of God we carry.

When you think of God, what rises in you first?

Fear? Shame? Suspicion? Condemnation?

Or goodness?

Do you believe God is good? Do you believe God’s desire for you is life abundantly? Do you believe goodness and mercy are following you?

For some of us, the answers to these questions may surprise us. Distorted images of God do not always disappear in a moment.

But God is not limited by our distortions.

God is bigger than our fears. God is kinder than our shame. God is more merciful than our guilt. God is more faithful than our anxiety.

God is good.

Dios es bueno.

And because God is good, we can trust God with the truth. We can bring our pain, questions, anger, grief, failures, our whole selves.

No tenemos que escondernos de un Dios bueno.

We do not have to hide from a good God. We do not have to pretend before a good God. We do not have to earn the goodness of a good God.

We receive it. We trust it. We live out of it. And by grace, we reflect it.

Genesis says God saw everything God had made, and indeed, it was very good.

Psalm 119 says, “You are good, and what you do is good.”

Psalm 23 says, “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.”

So let us begin here.

God is good.

Dios es bueno.

Not sometimes. Not reluctantly. Not only to the deserving. Not only when life makes sense.

God is good. All the time. All the time. God is good.

Amen

Benediction:

Go forth trusting the goodness of God.

Go forth seeing the goodness already written into the world God loves.

Go forth becoming people who reflect the goodness of God.

And may goodness and mercy follow us all the days of our lives.

Go in Peace.

#anabaptist #AndItWasGood #BookOfCreation #ChristianReflection #Creation #CreationCare #Faith #Genesis1 #GodIsGood #GoodnessAndMercy #GoodnessOfGod #Grace #imageOfGod #Jesus #JulianOfNorwich #landOfTheLiving #mennonite #Mercy #OtherGoodBook #peace #psalm119 #Psalm23 #Psalm27 #Sermon #spiritualFormation #Theology #ThomasAquinas

The Kintsugi Man

A Story Told In Tanka Form

Once I was broken,
a man of many pieces,
cracked beyond repair,
so many tiny places
scattered like leaves in the wind.

Healing was a dream.
Restoration was elusive.
Much of me was lost.
I could not find the missing,
my eyes dry from the seeking.

Then mercy found me.
The Great Artist touched my heart,
gathered me to me,
glued the pieces one by one
until I was whole again.

Why do the cracks show?
My question rose to the sky.
The scars are ugly.
Must they remain forever?
I wondered if I was healed.

Wait, you gently said.
Dipping your finger in gold,
your love traced the scars -
beauty in my brokenness.
The cracks let the soul's light out. #AndrogynousFigure #BeautyFromAshes #BeautyInBrokenness #Brokenness #ChristianReflection #ContemporaryPoetry #CyberpunkSpirituality #DigitalArt #divineMercy #Faith #FaithAndArt #FreeVersePoetry #FutureHumanity #futuristicArt #GodSGrace #GodSLove #GoldenCracks #Grace #Healing #Hope #HumanAndMachine #InspirationalPoetry #Kintsugi #KintsugiSoul #lightAndShadow #Mercy #newCreation #Redemption #restoration #resurrection #SacredScars #SacredTechnology #ScarsAndHealing #ScienceFictionArt #SoulLight #spiritualFormation #spiritualGrowth #SpiritualPoetry #Symbolism #TheGreatArtist #TheReluctantCyborg #Transformation #visualPoetry #wholeness #woundedHealer

Pressed Petals

On Art, Obscurity, and Faithful Release

I am trying to understand the pressure within me.

I do not think the problem is that I want to complete things. Completion is not wrong. It is good to finish. It is good to give form to what has been stirring within me. It is good to bring a story, a song, a piece of art, a sermon, a reflection, or a book to the point into the world outside of me.

I also do not think the problem is that everything I see or do becomes inspiration. That is not really true. I am not endlessly turning every bird, every headline, every conversation, every historical fact, every passing image into a mandate. But I am a creative person. I do receive the world creatively. I do carry within me stories upon stories, art upon art, songs upon songs. I am full to the brim.

I could burn all my writings. I could get rid of all my wood and tools, my instruments, artist pens, notebooks, and unfinished manuscripts. I could live in an empty house. But I would still be me.

I would still be full.

So the question is not simply, “How do I get rid of the pressure?” The pressure is not only in the objects around me. The pressure is in the love, the longing, the calling, the imagination, and the grief within me. It is in the fact that I have created so much, imagined so much, begun so much, and hoped so much.

Maybe the deeper issue is timing.

Maybe it is not forcing things to be seen. Maybe it is not demanding that every creation immediately justify itself in the world. Maybe it is about creating because creating is part of who I am, and then learning when and how to release what I have made.

But even that is difficult, because my creations are not merely products to me. They are not just content. They are not just files, posts, pages, songs, or images. They feel like children.

And if they are children, then do I not owe them a life?

Do they not deserve to be born, released into the world, seen, growing, making children of their own? Is that not what seeds are supposed to do? A seed is not meant to remain forever in its packet. A song is not meant to remain forever unheard. A story is not meant to remain forever unread. A painting is not meant to remain forever unseen.

A child is not meant to remain forever in the nursery.

This is where the theology of less becomes hard for me.

I can understand becoming less before God. I can understand humility. I can understand that fame is not salvation, that platform is not faithfulness, that applause is not the measure of a life. I can understand that hiddenness can be holy and smallness can be faithful.

But I do not know how to make peace with the utter unfairness of being unknown.

It feels unfair that shallow things are seen while deep things disappear. It feels unfair that loud things are rewarded while quiet, careful, soulful things are ignored. It feels unfair that some people seem born with platforms, networks, confidence, and an audience, while others carry whole worlds inside them and can barely find a door. It feels unfair that my creations might never have the chance to become what they could become in the world.

Not to compare, but it seems others will always have more. Their gardens will be bigger. Their opinions will be loud. Their books will be published. Their children will be giants. Their lives will be important. Their plans will be successful. Their family will enlarge. Their church will be mega. Their ministry will be blessed. Their corporation will grow. Their house will be comfortable.

And I fear that I will become less.

A pressed faded flower in a dusty book.

My words without weight. My writings unknown. My children tufts of grass in city sidewalks. My life hidden. My hopes dashed. My name ended. My chapel tiny. My faith questioned. My business failed. My home feeling like old dead skin. And I, a creature curled in some coffin hole.

That is the fear underneath the pressure.

It is not only that I want success. It is that obscurity feels like abandonment. It feels like my creations have been born into a world that has no room for them. It feels like I have been faithful to them by bringing them forth, but the world has not been faithful in receiving them.

And yet, perhaps I am being asked to distinguish between faithful release and guaranteed reception.

I can birth the work.
I can name the work.
I can feed it, clothe it, revise it, shape it, bless it.
I can give it a door.
I can show it a road.
I can release it into the world.

But I cannot make the world welcome it.

That is where the pain is. That is where the unfairness lives. I want not only to create the work, but to protect it from neglect. I want to be artist and audience, parent and world, sower and weather, seed and soil. I want to make sure that what I have loved does not disappear.

But maybe that is too much for me to carry.

Maybe my creations are my children, but they are not my saviors.

Maybe I owe them faithful release, but I do not owe them guaranteed success.

Maybe I can grieve obscurity without hearing it as a verdict.

That sentence matters to me: I can grieve obscurity without hearing it as a verdict

Because obscurity speaks like a judge. It says, “No one knows this, therefore it does not matter. No one read this, therefore it has no weight. No one heard this, therefore it was not a real song. No one saw this, therefore it was not real art. No one published this, therefore it was not a real book. No one noticed this life, therefore this life was wasted.”

But obscurity is not God.

Obscurity does not get to name the value of my work.

Still, I cannot pretend that visibility does not matter at all. That would be dishonest. My creations do need windows. They do need doors. They do need pathways. They do need some way to move beyond me. If I keep everything hidden forever out of fear, confusion, perfectionism, or despair, then I am not being faithful to them.

So perhaps the theology of less is not to “make peace with never being seen.”

Perhaps it is: make doors without worshiping doors.

Make the book.
Make the post.
Make the song page.
Make the archive.
Make the submission.
Make the collection.
Make the small press.
Make the reading.
Make the gathering place.
Make the simple, faithful path by which the work can walk into the world.

But do not demand that the door become a throne.

Do not demand that every release become vindication.

Do not demand that every creation prove my life was worth living.

That is where I become Atlas beneath a planet of creation. I carry not only the work itself, but its future, its reception, its audience, its influence, its children, its grandchildren, its whole imagined destiny. I am not only trying to make things. I am trying to guarantee what they will become.

No wonder I feel incapacitated.

Perhaps the faithful question is smaller.

Not, “What will become of all my creations?”

But, “What does this one need next?”

This one story.
This one song.
This one image.
This one reflection.
This one book.
This one child of my imagination.

Does it need finishing?
Does it need editing?
Does it need a cover?
Does it need to be posted?
Does it need to be submitted?
Does it need to be gathered with others?
Does it need to rest until its season comes?
Does it need to remain a seed a little longer?

That is not abandonment. That is attention.

I cannot parent the whole household of my imagination all at once. I cannot carry every child at the same time. I cannot give every creation its full future today. But I can turn toward one and ask what faithfulness looks like now.

This is not less love.

It may actually be a better stronger love.

Panic says, “I must get everything out before it is too late.”

Faithfulness says, “I will give this one the care it needs today.”

Panic says, “If this is not seen widely, I have failed.”

Faithfulness says, “I will give it a real path into the world, and then I will release what I cannot control.”

Panic says, “My birthings are dying in obscurity.”

Faithfulness says, “Some seeds sleep before they rise.”

I do not want to use seed language too cheaply. Seeds are supposed to grow. I know that. That is exactly why it hurts. Seeds want soil, light, water, air, room. My creations want communion. They want to meet other lives. They want to make children of their own.

But perhaps the timing of growth is not always mine to command.

Some seeds grow quickly. Some grow slowly. Some are carried by birds. Some lie hidden until fire, flood, winter, or strange mercy opens them. Some become roots long before they become leaves. Some feed the soil that feeds another tree.

This does not remove the ache.

But maybe it removes some of the accusation and guilt.

I am not betraying my creations simply because they are not yet widely known. I betray them only if I refuse to love them truthfully, shape them faithfully, and give the ones that are ready a way outside myself.

So I will try to live by a gentler discipline.

I will create because creating is part of who I am.

I will complete what I can, not because completion saves me, but because form and formation is a kind of love.

I will release what is ready, not because release guarantees success, but because communion is part of the nature of art.

I will build openings, but I will not worship doors.

I will grieve obscurity, but I will not hear it as a verdict.

I will remember that my creations may be my children, but they are not my saviors.

I will remember that I owe them faithful release, not guaranteed success.

I will remember that I am not artist and audience, parent and world, sower and weather, seed and soil. I am not Atlas. I am a finite creature with a full heart, a crowded imagination, and one life.

So perhaps my prayer is this:

God of seeds and seasons,
teach me how to love what I have made without being crushed by it.
Teach me how to complete what is mine to complete.
Teach me how to release what is ready to be released.
Teach me how to wait without calling waiting failure.
Teach me how to build openings without worshiping doors.
Teach me how to grieve the unfairness of being unknown without letting obscurity become my judge.

Bless my stories, my songs, my art, my sermons, my reflections, my unfinished fragments, my hidden children.

Give them life where life is possible.
Give them readers, listeners, viewers, companions, and future children if that is their path.
And where they must wait, let them wait as seeds, not broken corpses.

Let me be faithful to them.
Let me be free from needing them to save me.
Let me create because I am alive.
Let me release because love seeks communion.
Let me rest because I am not God.

I give you this one thing I make today.

I bless it.

I open the door.

I let it walk.

I return to the waiting room within.

More at Medium

#artAndFaith #artistLife #becomingLess #belovedness #ChristianReflection #creativeCalling #creativeLife #creativeOverwhelm #creativeStruggle #Creativity #faithfulRelease #Faithfulness #GriefAndGrace #hiddenCreativity #hiddenLife #Hope #Lament #Obscurity #Prayer #reflection #seedsAndSeasons #smallness #soulfulCreativity #spiritualFormation #SpiritualReflection #storiesSongsAndArt #theologyOfLess #unseenWork #vocation #WordPressTagsForPressedPetalsOnBecomingLessWithoutBecomingNothingPressedPetals #writingLife

Spirit of the Living God (Fall Afresh On Me)

Accapella cantor with congregation providing harmony Pentecost May 24 2026.

Spirit of the Living God
Fall afresh on me
Spirit of the Living God
Fall afresh on me

Melt me
Mold me
Fill me
Use me

Spirit of the Living God
Fall afresh on me

#Acts2 #BreathOfGod #ChristianReflection #ChristianWorship #churchMusic #contemplativeWorship #divinePresence #Faith #fillMeAnew #HolySpirit #Hymn #KMLSMusic #mightyRushingWind #PeaceGrooves #Pentecost #PentecostSunday #prayerSong #sacredMusic #SpiritOfTheLivingGod #spiritualRenewal #tonguesOfFire #worshipSong

The Sacred Arithmetic of My Years

A Reflection on Turning Fifty-Nine on May 24, 2026

I do not believe that numbers control my life or determine my future. I do not look to numerology as prophecy or as a replacement for faith in God. Still, I find myself drawn to the symbolic possibilities hidden within dates, names, anniversaries, and coincidences. I have always been one to look beneath the surface of things, to wonder whether something ordinary might contain a whisper of something deeper.

And so, on this birthday, I find myself looking at the numbers of my own life: 5 / 24 / 1967.

Today, I turn fifty-nine. I enter another year grateful for life, even while longing to feel more fully alive within my own body. I have not been feeling well physically, and that has weighed on me. There is so much I want to do, so much I want to create, so much ministry and imagination still stirring within me. It is a strange and sometimes painful thing to feel my spirit reaching outward while my body asks me to slow down.

Perhaps that is why I find myself lingering over these numbers. Not because they can tell me what will happen, but because they give me another language with which to consider who I have been, who I am becoming, and what I still hope to offer.

My full birth date reduces to the number 7:

5 + 2 + 4 + 1 + 9 + 6 + 7 = 34; 3 + 4 = 7.

Seven is often understood as the number of the seeker, the contemplative, the mystic, the one who is drawn toward the deeper questions. I recognize myself in that description. I have never been especially satisfied with what lies only on the surface. I want to know what things mean. I want to know what suffering means, what beauty means, what history means, what faith means, what it means to walk faithfully through a world so broken and yet so astonishingly alive.

I have spent my life seeking God in scripture, in ministry, in music, in stories, in strange fragments of history, in imagined worlds, in the wounds of people, in the possibility of peace, and even in my own unanswered questions. I have often felt that I live somewhere along the border between contemplation and creation, between the desire to understand the world and the desire to reimagine it.

Seven also carries sacred meaning in scripture. It is the rhythm of creation moving toward Sabbath. It is fullness, completion, holy rest. Perhaps there is a word for me in that. I have spent much of my life asking what more I should do, what more I should make, what more I should accomplish. Perhaps the question of this birthday is gentler: What within me is asking to become whole? What in my life needs not more striving, but Sabbath?

I was born on the twenty-fourth day of the month:

2 + 4 = 6.

Six is associated with love, care, responsibility, home, beauty, healing, and service. Here, too, I recognize something of my life. I have given much of myself to ministry, to caring for others, to the church, to my family, to the hope that something I say or create might encourage someone, heal something, reconcile something, or simply remind someone that they are not alone.

The number twenty-four seems especially fitting: the tenderness and relationship of two joined with the grounding and craftsmanship of four, becoming six—a number of care and beauty. Much of what I love involves bringing things together: faith and imagination, peace and play, history and story, pain and hope, scraps of wood arranged into inlay, scattered ideas gathered into poems, songs, sermons, games, or worlds.

Yet care has its shadow. I can so easily feel that I ought to be stronger than I am, more productive than I am, more helpful than I am. I can feel guilty when my body interrupts my hopes or when weariness makes me less able to give. But perhaps this number does not only remind me of my call to care for others. Perhaps it also reminds me that I am a creature worthy of care. I do not have to earn rest. I do not have to apologize for needing healing. I am not valuable only when I am producing, preaching, creating, or carrying someone else.

May, the fifth month, brings another number into my birthday: 5. And the year of my birth also reduces to five:

1 + 9 + 6 + 7 = 23; 2 + 3 = 5.

There is, then, a double current of five woven into my birthday. Five is associated with movement, change, freedom, curiosity, experience, creativity, and new possibilities. Again, I recognize myself. My mind rarely stays in one place for long. A passing historical note can become a story. A phrase can become a song. A forgotten disaster can become a gothic meditation on memory. A theological idea can become a game, a world, an image, a spoken word piece, or an invitation to peace.

This past year has been filled with creative stirring. Stories, images, reflections, PeaceGrooves, imagined kingdoms, spiritual meditations, music, ministry, and new possibilities have continued to rise within me. Sometimes I hardly know what to do with all of it. My imagination feels crowded with doors, and behind each one is another room I want to enter.

And yet five also carries a restlessness. It wants to move. It wants freedom. It wants to run down every road and follow every spark. When my body does not feel well, that restlessness becomes painful. There are days when I feel as though my spirit is already racing ahead while my flesh is standing at the roadside, trying to catch its breath.

I do not want simply to exist. I want to be well enough to live. I want strength to minister, strength to love, strength to create, strength to bring into the world at least some portion of what continues to be born within me.

The month and day of my birth together yield the number 11:

5 + 2 + 4 = 11.

Eleven is often associated with heightened sensitivity, spiritual intuition, imagination, vision, and an unusual awareness of meaning. Reduced, it becomes 2, the number of relationship, compassion, receptivity, and peacemaking.

Perhaps this is part of why I feel things as deeply as I do. Beauty can overwhelm me. Failure can wound me. A story from the past can haunt me. A work of art can awaken something in me. The suffering of the world can feel almost unbearable. I find myself unable simply to accept violence, ugliness, cruelty, or indifference as the normal order of things. Something in me continues to insist that another world is possible, that peace is not foolishness, that imagination matters, that reconciliation is not weakness, that grace is still stronger than fear.

This sensitivity has not always been easy to carry. It means I can become discouraged. It means I can long deeply to be seen, heard, understood, or affirmed. It means I sometimes experience disappointment with an intensity that others may not recognize. But it is also part of the gift I have been given. It is part of what allows me to preach, to write, to create, to listen, to notice, to care.

Perhaps I should not spend so much energy wishing I were less sensitive. Perhaps I should ask God to help me carry that sensitivity with wisdom, humility, and courage.

The numerological pattern for the year beginning with this birthday gives me the number 3:

5 + 2 + 4 + 2 + 0 + 2 + 6 = 21; 2 + 1 = 3.

Three is the number of expression, creativity, voice, imagination, communication, music, storytelling, and joy. I cannot help but smile at that. At a time when I am so aware of physical limitation, the number for the year ahead is not silence or retreat, but expression. It is voice.

Write the stories. Sing the songs. Make the images. Build the worlds. Speak of peace. Preach the goodness of God. Let the things that have long lived inside me take form.

Perhaps I do not need to wait until everything is ideal. Perhaps I do not need to wait until I feel completely strong, completely confident, completely certain that anyone will notice or understand. Perhaps creativity itself is one of the ways I bear witness to life. Perhaps every story, every song, every reflection, every act of beauty is my small refusal to let suffering or discouragement have the final word.

And then there is the number of my age itself: 59.

5 + 9 = 14; 1 + 4 = 5.

Once again, I arrive at five: movement, change, possibility, new roads.

Fifty-nine is a threshold. It is not yet sixty, though I can see sixty from here. There is a temptation at this stage of life to look backward with regret, measuring what has not happened, what recognition has not come, what dreams remain unfinished, what strength seems less certain than it once did. I know that temptation well. I have wondered whether I have done enough with what I have been given. I have feared that some of my deepest gifts might remain unheard or unseen.

But perhaps fifty-nine is not a year for mourning what has not been. Perhaps it is a year for gathering what is still alive. Perhaps it is a year for listening closely to the call that has never quite left me alone. Perhaps it is a year for opening the doors that remain before me rather than staring only at the ones that seemed to close.

When I gather these numbers together, they seem to form a kind of portrait:

7 — I am a seeker, drawn toward mystery, contemplation, and the deep questions of God and life.
6 — I am a caregiver, a pastor, a lover of beauty, home, healing, and reconciliation.
11/2 — I am sensitive to meaning, to suffering, to vision, and to the fragile possibility of peace.
5 — I am restless with creativity, longing for freedom, movement, renewal, and life.
3 — I am entering a year of voice, expression, story, music, and joy.

These numbers do not define me. God does. But perhaps they name something true about the way grace has moved through my years.

I am fifty-nine years old today. I am grateful, though I am tired. I am hopeful, though I am not entirely well. I am surrounded by unfinished ideas, unanswered questions, creative longings, ministry responsibilities, and the quiet awareness that life is precious precisely because it is not endless.

I want to be well. I want to feel strength returning to my body. I want more years with my wife, more years of ministry, more years of creating, more years of discovering the hidden beauty of this world and offering whatever beauty I can in return. I want to continue seeking the goodness of God in the land of the living.

And perhaps that is enough for this birthday: not certainty, not achievement, not proof that everything I have hoped for will come to pass, but the grace to stand at this threshold and say:

I am still here.
I am still seeking.
I am still loving.
I am still imagining.
I am still creating.
I am still hoping.
And by the mercy of God, I am still becoming.

Prayer at Fifty-Nine

God of all my years,
gather the seeker in me.
Strengthen the caregiver in me.
Steady the restless creator in me.
Heal what is weary in me.
Comfort what is afraid in me.
Awaken what is still waiting to be born.

Teach me to receive rest without guilt,
care without embarrassment,
and life itself as grace.

Let this year not be measured only
by what I accomplish,
but by how faithfully I love,
how courageously I create,
how deeply I listen,
and how fully I trust Your goodness.

Give me strength for the road ahead,
joy in the work still before me,
and peace in the knowledge
that I have never walked alone.

May I see Your goodness,
again and again,
in the land of the living.

Amen.

#Aging #artAndSpirituality #birthdayReflection #ChristianReflection #Contemplation #CosmicImagery #creativeCalling #Creativity #faithAndImagination #Healing #Hope #landOfTheLiving #lifePathSeven #May24 #numerology #personalReflection #portraitArt #Prayer #sacredArithmetic #SeekingGod #SpiritualJourney #SpiritualSymbolism #stillBecoming #turningFiftyNine

In the Manner of a Corpse

The phrase perinde ac cadaver means “as if a corpse” or “in the manner of a dead body.” It is associated especially with Ignatius of Loyola and Jesuit obedience. In the Jesuit context, the idea was that one living under religious obedience should allow oneself to be “carried and governed” by divine providence through one’s superiors, as a dead body can be carried wherever another wills. A Jesuit Studies summary notes that Ignatius’s teaching on obedience was centered on Christ and extended beyond outward action toward the will and understanding, while still allowing a person to represent difficulties to a superior. (Portal to Jesuit Studies) A 1908 quotation of the relevant Latin renders the image starkly: the obedient person should be like a body that “allows itself to be carried in any direction and treated in any way.” (The Spectator Archive)

So the phrase has a dangerous edge. It can become a theology of domination: the living person reduced to a usable instrument. But it also touches an older ascetic question: how does the self become free from the tyranny of self-will? The problem is not desire itself, nor personality, nor conscience, nor agency. The problem is the ego enthroned — the self that must be obeyed, defended, admired, justified, and protected at all costs.

A Caelinian Reflection: Concerning the Corpse, the Cross, and the Living Self

From the lesser folios of Brother Caelinius, copied in the dim cloister of the Morastery, concerning the death that is not death, and the life that is not possession.

There is a saying among the old disciplined orders: perinde ac cadaver — as if a dead body.

And many have trembled before it, as well they should.

For no phrase that compares the soul to a corpse ought to be handled without fear. A corpse cannot speak. A corpse cannot protest. A corpse cannot discern whether the hands that carry it are gentle or cruel. Therefore let no abbot, bishop, prince, pastor, committee, empire, army, market, or machine take this phrase into its mouth too easily. For there are many who love obedience in others because they love power in themselves.

But there is another reading, hidden beneath the severe garment of the words.

Not the corpse of domination.
Not the corpse of erased conscience.
Not the corpse of holy silence before unholy command.

Rather, the corpse of the false self.

For the ego too must die.

Not the self God created.
Not the face beloved before the foundation of the world.
Not the child laughing in the garden of being.
Not the soul with its strange music, its wounds, its gifts, its tears, its fire.

That self must live.

But the other self — the swollen self, the defended self, the self that must always be seen, always be right, always be vindicated, always be centered, always be special, always be wounded more deeply than all others, always be praised for its humility — that self must be laid out upon the table.

Let it be washed.
Let it be wrapped.
Let it be carried away.

For there is a death that does not destroy the person, but releases the person from the prison of self-occupation.

This is not becoming zero in the sense of becoming nothing. It is becoming unowned by the ego. It is the long, daily, humiliating, merciful work of dying to the self that has mistaken itself for God.

Christ does not say, “Erase the image of God within you.”

Christ says, “Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow me.”

And what is denied?

Not love.
Not conscience.
Not joy.
Not beauty.
Not creativity.
Not the holy ache of being alive.

What is denied is the little throne within the breast, where the anxious monarch sits and demands tribute from every room it enters.

The ego says:
“Who noticed me?”
“Who ignored me?”
“Who has more than I have?”
“Who threatens my place?”
“Who failed to honor my pain?”
“Who saw my brilliance?”
“Who wounded my image?”
“Who must I defeat so that I may exist?”

But the soul alive in Christ learns another speech:

“I am already seen.”
“I am already held.”
“I do not need to win in order to be real.”
“I do not need to dominate in order to be safe.”
“I do not need to disappear in order to be humble.”
“I may become small because I am held by a Love too large to measure.”

Here, then, is the mystery: the one who dies to self does not become less alive, but more alive.

The corpse-image fails if it ends in passivity. But it becomes fruitful if it passes through the tomb into resurrection.

For the Christian is not called merely to be dead.

The Christian is called to be dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Dead to the old compulsions.
Alive to mercy.

Dead to rivalry.
Alive to communion.

Dead to the hunger to possess.
Alive to receiving.

Dead to the need to be the hero of every story.
Alive to becoming a servant within God’s story.

Dead to reputation as an idol.
Alive to faithfulness in secret.

Dead to vengeance.
Alive to reconciliation.

Dead to the clenched fist.
Alive to the open hand.

Thus Brother Caelinius writes:

Blessed is the one whose ego has become a corpse,
yet whose heart has become a garden.
For such a one is not carried by tyrants,
but raised by Christ.

The work continues because the ego is not slain once only. It is a many-headed thing. It dies in the morning and returns by noon. It dies in prayer and rises in conversation. It dies in confession and reappears in ministry. It dies in one wound and returns disguised as wisdom.

Therefore the disciple must not say, “I have no ego.”
That is usually the ego wearing a monk’s robe.

The disciple says instead:

“Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.
Teach me to notice the old self without obeying it.
Teach me to lay down the false self without despising the true self.
Teach me to die without becoming dead.
Teach me to live without needing to be enthroned.”

For the goal is not corpse-like obedience to human hierarchy.

The goal is cruciform freedom.

Not the dead body as object, but the living body of Christ. Not the person emptied for use, but the person emptied for love. Not submission to domination, but surrender to resurrection.

And so the old phrase is taken down from the wall of fear and placed upon the altar of discernment.

Perinde ac cadaver — yes, but only if what lies dead is the tyranny of ego.

And beyond it, written in brighter ink:

Vivo autem, iam non ego, vivit vero in me Christus.

“I live; yet not I, but Christ lives in me.”

#aliveInChrist #AnabaptistReflection #BrotherCaelinius #ChristianArt #ChristianReflection #contemplativePrayer #cruciformLife #devotionalArt #Discipleship #DyingToSelf #egoDeath #falseSelf #Humility #IgnatiusOfLoyola #JesuitObedience #kenosis #minimalistArt #monasticSpirituality #mysticalTheology #perindeAcCadaver #resurrection #selfEmptying #spiritualFormation #surrender #symbolicIllustration #trueSelf

A Stranger in the House

In my dreams, I shout.

The words fall from my mouth and wake me in the moment of the last word.

In times of terror, when I sleep, my tongue becomes thick. The words have difficulty forming. They struggle to be released, as if they must pass through mud, or blood, or memory. Then I awake with the last words still on my lips, wondering who I was around the table with the others, and why I was so distressed.

In the morning, my lover tells me she heard my voice shouting.

She says it did not sound like me.

I was another man.

A stranger in the house.

And I am left waking from a dream I can barely remember, wondering at its origin, curious as to why it came, even though I know its meaning may elude me like all troubling dreams: present in the body, lost in the waking.

So often it has been anger that has driven my voice.

Anger against perceived injustice.

Anger sharpened by fear.

Anger standing in for courage.

Anger disguising grief.

Anger becoming the only language loud enough to make me feel as if I am doing something, saying something, resisting something. And perhaps, at times, anger has been a necessary alarm. Perhaps it has awakened me when numbness would have been easier. Perhaps it has named what politeness wanted buried.

But anger is a hard voice to live inside.

It burns the throat that carries it.

It can become another form of captivity, another stranger in the house, pacing the rooms, turning over tables, shouting at shadows long after the danger has passed.

And so I wonder whether the dream is not only about terror.

Maybe it is about voice.

Maybe somewhere beneath the shouting, there is another sound trying to be born.

Not the voice that must win.

Not the voice that must accuse.

Not the voice that must prove itself righteous by the force of its volume.

But a different voice.

A voice formed not by fear but by love.

A voice that can still name injustice without becoming consumed by it.

A voice that can grieve without needing to destroy.

A voice that can speak truth without losing tenderness.

A voice that can say, “This is wrong,” and still remain human.

Maybe the stranger in the house is not only the angry man I fear becoming.

Maybe he is also the hidden self who has never learned another way to speak.

Maybe he shouts because he does not yet know how to weep.

Maybe he rages because he has not yet trusted that sorrow can also be strong.

Maybe he wakes me because he wants to be changed, not silenced.

There is a stranger in me who has not yet been welcomed.

There is a voice in me that only finds release when I am no longer guarding the door.

And when I wake with the last word on my lips, frightened by the sound of myself, perhaps I am not merely waking from the dream.

Perhaps I am waking into it.

Perhaps I am being invited to discover a different voice:

not less truthful,

not less passionate,

not less awake to suffering,

but less afraid.

A voice no longer thickened by terror.

A voice no longer driven only by anger.

A voice that rises from somewhere deeper than outrage.

A voice that has passed through the fire and learned, at last, to bless.

#Anger #Anxiety #ChristianReflection #dreamImagery #dreams #Fear #findingADifferentVoice #grief #Healing #Injustice #innerHealing #innerVoice #loveOverFear #nightTerrors #pastoralReflection #peace #Prayer #propheticVoice #Reconciliation #selfReflection #shadowSelf #spiritualGrowth #SpiritualReflection #strangerInTheHouse #surrealism #symbolicArt #tenderness #Transformation #Trauma #voice #wakingFromDreams

The Sabbath Sabotage

They told us
holiness was neat,
pressed flat like Sunday clothes,
folded into bulletins,
spoken in indoor voices,
kept safely between hymns
and handshakes.

They told us
Sabbath was a soft thing,
a nap for the soul,
a gentle pause
before returning
to the holy machinery
of earning, buying, proving, becoming.

But Sabbath was never safe.

Sabbath is a wrench
thrown into Pharaoh’s gears.
A door barred against the market.
A candle lit
in defiance of the floodlights.
A refusal
to kneel before the stopwatch.
A holy no
rising like thunder
from tired bones.

Six days, they say,
you shall labor.
And the seventh?
The seventh is mutiny.

The seventh day
the fields are not your masters.
The ledgers do not own your name.
The inbox may howl
like a beast outside the gate,
but you will not feed it.
The empire counts bricks.
Sabbath counts blessings.
The empire demands output.
Sabbath gathers manna
and says, enough.

Enough for today.
Enough for this body.
Enough for this earth.
Enough for a life
that was never meant
to be fed into furnaces
just to keep the towers warm.

Sabbath is not laziness.
It is revolt
with bread on the table.
It is trust
with dirt under the fingernails.
It is the slave
remembering he is human.
The widow
remembering she is seen.
The ox
remembering grass.
The land
remembering how to breathe.

And maybe that is why
they sabotage Sabbath.

Because rest breaks rank.
Because silence interrupts slogans.
Because delight cannot be monetized forever.
Because a people
who learn to stop
may also learn
they can refuse.

Refuse the lie
that worth is measured in production.
Refuse the sermon
of profit without mercy.
Refuse the fear
that if we cease for one day
the world will fall apart—
as though we were the ones
holding up the stars.

No.
Sabbath is the admission
that we are not God,
and the miracle
that God is still good.

So let the engines choke.
Let the schedules stutter.
Let the tyrants call it weakness.
Let the anxious call it waste.
Let the merchants stand bewildered
before shuttered stalls
and unhurried hearts.

For this is the sabotage:
to rest in a restless world,
to feast in a famine of joy,
to loosen your fist
when all of history
has trained it to clench.

To stop.
To breathe.
To bless.
To remember
that we were not made
for endless extraction,
but for communion—
with God,
with neighbor,
with creature,
with soil,
with our own forgotten souls.

And so, on the seventh day,
we commit our small rebellion:
we light candles against consumption,
set tables against despair,
sing psalms against the grind,
and call this shattered life
still sacred.

This is no small thing.
This is how the kingdom enters:
not always with trumpets,
but with napping children,
unbought hours,
shared bread,
and a people audacious enough
to believe
that the world can turn
without their frantic striving.

Blessed are the saboteurs of empire.
Blessed are the keepers of Sabbath.
Blessed are the tired
who lay their burden down
and find, beneath the weight of all they carried,
a joy the masters could not confiscate.

For every Sabbath kept
is a crack in the idol.
Every prayer whispered at rest
is a seed beneath the pavement.
Every holy pause
is a hammer blow
against the myth
that Caesar owns time.

He does not.
The clock does not.
The market does not.

Time belongs to God.
And God,
in mercy,
has given some of it back to us.

#AntiWar #biblicalImagination #ChristianPoetry #ChristianReflection #empireCritique #faithAndJustice #holyResistance #Nonviolence #peace #peaceWitness #propheticImagination #propheticPoetry #resistanceToEmpire #restAsRebellion #Sabbath #SabbathAsResistance #SabbathRest #SabbathSabotage #sacredRest #spiritualResistance #SpokenWord #steampunkArt #symbolicArt #theologyOfRest #warMachine

Wet Feet

There is something almost comical about it at first. I took the dog to the park because I knew I would be away for pastors’ Bible study. The grass was wet. My sneakers got soaked. I went home, changed my socks, and thought I had solved the problem. Then on the hour drive I realized my feet were getting wet again, because of course the shoes themselves were still wet. So now, during Bible study, my feet have been wet. Damp. Cool. Probably getting more shriveled by the hour.

Yet somehow it feels fitting.

Not dramatic. Not grand. Just fitting.

I think of the phrase “getting my feet wet,” as though ministry, faith, and discipleship are things I ease into gradually, carefully, at a manageable depth. But some days it doesn’t feel like that. Some days it feels more like simply having wet feet and carrying on. Not preparation for service, not a metaphor about a faithful beginning, but the thing itself. Wet feet. A small discomfort that stays with me. A quiet bodily reminder that I am not moving through the day untouched.

And sitting here, I cannot help but think of Jesus washing feet.

Not the polished image of it. Not the sentimental church painting version. But the actual strangeness of it. Wet feet. Dirty feet. Vulnerable feet. Tired feet. The feet that carried dust, ache, story, and status. The Lord kneeling with basin and towel. The Most High God attending to what is lowest. Not avoiding the human mess, but stooping into it.

Maybe there is something right about reflecting on servant life while sitting in damp shoes.

Because service is rarely abstract. It is seldom dry and comfortable. It does not usually happen in pristine conditions, after everything has been neatly changed and arranged. Often it is inconvenient. Often it lingers. Often I think I have addressed the problem, only to discover the wetness has seeped through again. I change the socks, but the shoes are still soaked. I try to reset myself, but the deeper discomfort remains.

That, too, may be part of ministry.

I carry wetness with me. The sorrows of others. The unfinished conversations. The burdens that seep through. The humble tasks nobody notices. The little irritations that become, strangely, occasions of grace. And maybe part of following Jesus is not always finding a way to stay dry, but learning how to keep loving with wet feet.

Jesus washed feet not because feet are noble, but because they are ordinary. Necessary. Exposed. Human. He met his friends there, at ground level. And then he told them to do likewise.

So perhaps wet feet are not the worst thing.

Perhaps they are a reminder.

A reminder that I am not above the ground.
A reminder that discipleship is tactile.
A reminder that love kneels.
A reminder that service is not clean.
A reminder that holiness may sometimes smell like damp shoes and feel like wrinkled skin.

In some ways, it seems fitting to go through this day with wet feet.
Maybe, in some ways, it seems right to go through life that way too.

Not just getting my feet wet,
but having them wet—
as one who follows the Christ
who washed feet,
and who still seems to meet me there,
down low,
with basin,
with towel,
with love.

#basinAndTowel #ChristianReflection #dampShoes #Discipleship #embodiedFaith #FollowingJesus #FootWashing #holyOrdinary #Humility #JesusWashingFeet #ministryReflection #pastoralLife #pastorsBibleStudy #sacredDiscomfort #ServantLeadership #wetFeet

The Decisive Revolution

“Jesus is risen. The decisive revolution in world history has happened – a revolution of all-conquering love. If people would fully receive this revealed love into their own existence, into the reality of the ‘now’, then the logic of insanity could no longer continue.”

There are some lines that feel less like commentary and more like a struck bell. Rudi Dutschke’s Easter words are like that. They do not merely describe resurrection; they announce it as a historical detonation, a rupture in the order of things. They refuse to let Easter remain tucked away in pious sentiment, safe sanctuary ritual, or abstract doctrine. Instead, they cast resurrection as revolution. Not one revolution among many, but the decisive revolution in world history.

That is a breathtaking claim.

Read the rest of the essay at PeaceGrooves:

https://peacegrooves1.wordpress.com/2026/04/28/the-decisive-revolution/

#allConqueringLove #AnabaptistReflection #ChristianReflection #decisiveRevolution #Easter #EasterMeditation #JesusAndHistory #kingdomOfGod #loveStrongerThanDeath #Nonviolence #peaceTheology #politicalTheology #propheticWitness #RadicalDiscipleship #resurrection #ResurrectionHope #RudiDutschke #spiritualRevolution #Theology #Transformation