I made these today.

Anatomy of A Broken Heart IAnatomy of a Broken Heart IIAnatomy of a Broken Heart IIIAnatomy of a Broken Heart IV

-Castor

#cheatingincident #DigitalArt #DigitalPainting #heartbreak #Sheik #teal #Zelda

I have no idea how Allēna has kept it together for so long.

I’ve been frontstuck for the past two days and I don’t know how she can front for weeks to months at a time. This is the longest I’ve been in front in about 17 years that I can recall, and the longer it goes on, the more painful it becomes.

There is so much I’ve missed. I’ve been on an island in headspace that Kalla built some years ago that I call Little Patmos trying to make sense of Eight’s insane ramblings, prophecies, and dreams from his tenure as host while the others got out from under Zelda because I knew some shit was going down and I didn’t want to be present for it. That’s been my escape strategy for over the past decade and a half.

I never thought that at any point, I would be the only able or willing fronter. There were too many of us, I thought. Surely Lazarus would be willing to front before I would have to.

But no..

Two days ago, I woke up in front. Peri was carrying a rather large gun, dressed like Sir Integra from the anime Hellsing Ultimate. She has staunchly refused to front, citing some threat she’s unwilling to disclose.

Australis, a new arrival in my absence, looked like he’d seen a ghost.

Tristan and Theo have both been more concerned with other matters rather than fronting. That leaves me as the only fronter currently anywhere close to headspace as well as acting host until Allēna comes back from wherever she is.

I’ve been slowly coming to grips with the fact that Allēna and Eight especially have accomplished everything I wanted to do in life multiple times over, Zelda, the first person who could touch me and it not hurt long term in years, used us up and threw us away, and we are now legally married for the second time.

I have no idea who I am anymore. I barely have a sense of where I am. I feel like a fucking shell. If we were still drinking, I would be shitfaced under some table right now. But I am not going to do that, as tempting as it sounds.

Here’s to self discovery, I suppose?

And Zelda, if you’re still keeping up with this blog, go fuck yourself. Better yet, don’t. I hope no one ever touches you again, you piece of shit. I know I got back with you last summer, but I regret that decision every day. Allēna deserved better. I deserved better. Emerson and Beany definitely deserved better. Everyone you’ve ever talked shit about deserved better. I’ll see you in hell.

I’m going to go try and get some sleep once I’m done crying.

-Castor

#Beany #cheatingincident #dissociativeidentitydisorder #Emerson #grief #headspace #Zelda

As a response to a rash of anonymous hate mail I have received over the past couple days,

I have created a wealth of supplies for The Opps.

The following designs are available on my Redbubble shop in many forms for their hate club.

My haters can purchase hate club supplies here and here.

I might as well turn the fact that these mother fuckers can’t keep my name out of their mouths into laughs and cold, hard cash.

If anyone wonders why I did this, I was bored and unsupervised. Thank you very much and good night.

-Allēna

#cheatingincident #DigitalArt #DigitalPainting #hateClub #hateMail #haters #IWasUnsupervised #NGL #OurArt #redbubble #Zelda

I had a very busy day yesterday and I am exhausted from packing today.

I went to a ball yesterday that was more like a dance party in disguise because the DJ seemed to be allergic to playing slow songs. I also made a masterpost on Facebook regarding the ongoing situation with Zelda in response to an anonymous question I received. If you’d also like to send me anonymous questions, click here.

-Allēna

#ball #cheatingincident #SliceOfLife #ZeldaSystem

Moving wore me out.

I slept for a long time today and I’m still tired. We still have a lot more to move.

-Allēna

#cheatingincident #SliceOfLife

I was so tired that I fell asleep without writing yesterday.

I confess that I’ve been holding out on y’all.

We got a new apartment and are moving in slowly but surely! It’s a helluva workout and very hard on both Emerson and I, but even the cats are more relaxed now.

-Allēna

#cheatingincident #Emerson #movingon #SliceOfLife

“supplication”

you have taken the world that I was
and left me empty
craving
longing
is there anything that I can use to fill the chasm
on the side of the bed where you once slept

I stumble home
if I can even still call it that
for in the taking, you
took more than just yourself
you took everything that meant something to me
from this space and left it ruined
just like me

now even the flies are starving

sobs wrack my threadbare chest
everyone that I once knew is turning
away from me and into their own personal
darkness, tired
can you come back and give me anything
even undo me again
please

-Allēna 1/11/2026

#bettertogethermke #cheatingincident #hungryGhost #ourpoetry #Zelda

I wrote this today.

It’s called “the denouement”. It’s about Zelda.

13 years
13 years
I peered through the bars of
your wintry love into the flame
and I saw the future
laying on the kitchen floor in 2022 -

13 years
13 years and decreasing -
I declared to you
that you'd see the end of it all
but not much more

11 years
10
you fancy yourself inimitable
invincible
sophomoric survivor
but you drink your rage and heartbreak

9 years
9 years
I know the signs of alcohol poisoning from
watching my first husband
watching my father

8 years –
you terrified me the first time
scarcely a week in

7 years
and you cheated the first time when
we’d barely been together for two months
I thought I could finally rest
fucking fool was I

6 years
6 years left
I watch you try to outrun your demons
again
again
again
but they've always been faster
or perhaps you've always loved them more
than you could ever love me

5 years
4 years
and I watch the tests roll in
I know how it goes
first the heart
then the kidneys
then the liver
then the rest
then the cash out, the flare out
alone

when you are spent
who will be there to catch you
except the bottom of the bottle?

-Allēna

#cheatingincident #poetry #polyamory #Zelda

Moderate to severe fatigue and weakness persists,

BUT Emerson and I went to a cat rescue yesterday and saw SO MANY good babies. He wanted to adopt a petite void named Zack but couldn’t afford the adoption fee.

Zelda is AWOL, I’ve only seen them for a few hours since New Year’s Eve when they came home last night to crash after leaving their cats locked in their room for a bit over two days.

Mercifully the cats are free now. Who knows where the fuck Zelda is or what (read: who) they are doing.

I’m so tired. I can’t wait to move the fuck out of this shithole.

-Allēna

#cheatingincident #Emerson #SliceOfLife #Zelda

I wrote this early this morning. I’m very proud of it.

I've spent too much time
wrapped around the axle of your love
three “I wish I didn't miss you” winters soured
I am regretfully tightly wound and solemn
every day’s a funeral and I break the cold ground
hours before daybreak
this is one burial that is long overdue

I don't hate this city
I have come to love it perhaps in spite of you
I make praise to its neighborhoods and
the lake effect snow
my world is finally becoming bigger than the
four walls that we share
you no longer dictate the pace, nor do you set
the price of it
there was once a time that I would have gone out
and bought the entire city for you if only you'd
asked, unto half my kingdom, but you never did
and now you hate me for things you never
had the courage to say
and the lies that I drank from your mouth
like a perverse communion, for
when I laid us to rest, you
had only ash to eat and
nakedness to wear

so wander these cold, crooked streets wild
calling for someone to cover up what you did
some new soul to eat your sin
while I repair the frayed ends
I tore from you

-Allēna 11/27/2025

#breakup #cheatingincident #milwaukee #sadpoem #zelda