Dammit.. I should have posted this sooner; I don't know why I do this.

Actually, I do know: I hate doing it. And lord knows I will procrastinate until the last possible second if it's an activity I dislike.

To be clear, it isn't the interaction that I loathe. I actually *do* enjoy that. When we meet fundraising goals, it's like Christmas morning every single time. You know the scene in the movie where the Grinch returns the gifts to the citizens of Whoville? It's like that. It feels like a miracle every. damned. time.

Actually, it *is* a miracle every single time.

The begposts also give me a chance to infodump to all of you. Sort of like a newsletter or blogpost. A "State of the Goofballs" address, if you will. It's as if I open up the firehose of my mind and just vomit words until I run out of inner monologue.

I always feel compelled to try and show that we're trying to get our shit together, in a feeble attempt to demonstrate that we're "worth" helping. I think I tend to make them so long (longer than even my standard verbosity) to (hopefully) illustrate that I'm sincere. I'm not trying to scam anyone, and if I learned that I ever made anyone feel taken advantage of I would feel utterly heartbroken.

On the other hand, I think I hate making begposts because.. well, primarily it's embarrassing. It's surprisingly difficult to allow myself the same grace that I would grant anyone else. But it's also extremely scary because our options are quite limited. And with current (gesticulates wildly at everything on the planet) events, it's downright terrifying because I'm afraid there's going to be a *lot* more people in similar circumstances, and the double-whammy is it could easily be our donors also joining us in poverty.

In other words, I'm afraid that not only could this cause an exponential strain on the Mutual Aid community, the funds available could simultaneously begin to dry up, further diluting our chances of avoiding disaster.

Anyway.. I'm babbling and doomering unnecessarily again so I will attempt to place the focus back on the primary matter at hand, which is that regrettably we have failed to become self-sufficient yet again over the course the previous calendar month.

Hours at work still remain low enough to doom us financially yet high enough to drain me of the will to live or even bother performing basic hygiene, let alone look for a second job and by extension try to once again figure out how to juggle two menial entry-level jobs who both expect you to be available from Open to Close, seven days a week. Further altering my availability risks even *less* hours at my current job, which makes the monumental hassle of securing a second job seem less than ideal.

I had to drop a shift because my allergies were so bad I was basically sedated by Benadryl for two days straight. My partner had to drop a couple of shifts when his father was hospitalized again due to complications from a fall and head injury some months ago, and my partner was far too emotionally fragile with that happening to be at work.

Of course the loss of these shifts has not been kind to our bank account. I truly, truly wish we didn't have to keep doing this. Yet I must for my partner and our codependent border collie. Not to mention I think our little clan sort of owe it to the Mutual Aid community to not give up, and to make it seem like the staggering amounts of generosity were a worthwhile investment to help us. I've disappointed far too many people in my life. I want to start doing the opposite of that.

Hopefully I haven't disappointed you too much, my dear pocket friends.

I'm up way past my bedtime and the letters are starting to swirl around. Unfortunately since I'm once again just siphoning everything I possibly can from my daily pay advances, I don't know for certain what those amounts will be until the day after my shift. Plus I'm chronically disorganized and trying to adjust to having a legit bank account instead of just venmo or the like. I fucked up and accumulated a couple of overdraft fees because I lost track of pending charges.

At the moment, I'm confident we're at least $500 in the red for rent and sadly that's an amount that might need to be revised upwards. I'm struggling not to just mentally shut down thinking about how *much* upwards.

Please forgive me for once again asking for help.

If you're willing AND able, please boost and if possible donate. If you can't donate, *do NOT feel guilty* for being in the same boat as us. Your feelings about it are valid but rest assured you needn't feel bad.

Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins
Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins
PP: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/gizmo1982
GFM: https://gofund.me/12171be3

#Solidarity #BPD #PTSD #Poverty #MentalIllness @mutualaid

You always get the real me when you interact with me. I stopped pretending to be the person I thought people wanted me to be when I realized that didn't appease anyone either.

So now you get me. That includes my autistic traits and my #BPD symptoms I will be working on for the rest of my life thanks to the CPTSD that caused it to develop in the first place (the BPD).

How many of the #adhd, #autism and #bpd diagnoses happened because, before 2018, there was no diagnosis for childhood trauma? And there are still medical professionals around that don't know about it in 2026.

Like, assuming these illnesses just happen to people, genetically or like that. Whats the chances that you get two or all three of them at once? And yet thats the combination semingly most illness-havers have. Together with depression and dissociations and like that.

#auDHD #ptsd #cptsd

#GifsArtidote today:

#birdsong@4am on #MusicBeforeBedtime in #teesside, #NorthYorkshire

#press #wakeywakey #news #MentalHealth #IndependentMedia #CPTSD #BPD #DysthymicDisorder #fibromalgya #SelfHelp give your self some 🖤, listen to nature for a minute now you've just woken up.

let me know how your day went later, so i know if my therapy works. i would appreciate it ☺️

#GifsArtidote today:

#birdsong@4am on #MusicBeforeBedtime in #teesside, #NorthYorkshire

#press #wakeywakey #news #MentalHealth #IndependentMedia #CPTSD #BPD #DysthymicDisorder #fibromalgya #SelfHelp give your self some 🖤, listen to nature for a minute now you've just woken up.

let me know how your day went later, so i know if my therapy works. i would appreciate it ☺️

Boston Police Dept officer charged with manslaughter in shooting death of Dorchester man last week

https://www.dotnews.com/2026/03/19/bpd-officer-charged-with-manslaughter-in-shooting-death-of-dorchester-man-last-week/

#BPD #BostonMA

"Patients with BPD are often accused of 'splitting,' which is defined as an inability to integrate good and bad images of other people. It is not surprising to me, however, that this patient would have trouble putting his parents' good and bad behavior together. It was bizarre and contradictory. In fact, most therapists are hard pressed to explain this sort of behavior, and often themselves have a tendency to think in terms of the polarities of all good or all bad. Perhaps our patients who seem to 'split' are thinking the way almost anyone might given a need to comprehend such an utterly confusing picture."

-- David Allen, M.D., Psychotherapy With Borderline Patients: An Integrated Approach

#Borderline #BPD

https://www.instagram.com/p/DVEzeeCiSpe/?img_index=10&igsh=c3dmbzF5bXJ1am0x

Just living is a very difficult thing to accomplish for me. #PTSD #CPTSD #BPD #Depression #Anxiety #Recurrent #longterm

MAAP: Schwerpunkt Ärger und aggressives Verhalten – Gruppentherapie für Menschen mit emotionaler Instabilität

"Aggressivität ist ein weit verbreitetes Problem bei Patient:innen mit Borderline-Persönlichkeitsstörung. Betroffene zeigen häufig reaktive Aggressivität und geraten dadurch in Konflikte mit ihnen nahestehenden Menschen und der Gesellschaft. Sie reagieren dabei zum Beispiel oft empfindsam auf vermeintliche, soziale Bedrohungen oder lassen sich leicht von den Gefühlen anderer Menschen anstecken.

Wir bieten für Sie kostenlose, psychotherapeutische Gruppentherapien zur Reduktion von Aggressivität, Ärger und Reizbarkeit an. […] Vor und nach der Therapie erfolgen Untersuchungen in Form von Interviews und Online-Befragungen, um den Therapieerfolg zu messen. Zusätzlich erhalten Sie eine finanzielle Aufwandsentschädigung von 300€.

Diese Studie wird gefördert von der Deutschen Forschungsgemeinschaft und findet an sechs Standorten in Deutschland statt."

https://www.lmu-klinikum.de/psychiatrie-und-psychotherapie/forschung-research/klinische-studien/studien-fur-menschen-mit-borderline-nbsp/0114cd02e44fb176

#Borderline #BPD #Studie