Hello everyone,

We cannot thank you all enough for your staggering generosity. We have another month here in the most amazing apartment thanks to everyone. In fact, we overshot our goal for rent which is excellent, because sadly we need to put it towards auto repairs so my partner has reliable transportation to work.

My partner and I went on a dry run taking the bus to his work yesterday. This was an incredibly brave endeavor because there is definitely some of trauma attached to public transit for him buried deep enough that he can't even discuss it, not to mention his debilitating anxiety. I am just incredibly proud of him stepping out of his comfort zone.

Unfortunately this could be problematic. There's a substantial amount of walking for him, and he has severe plantar fasciitis (the podiatrist said my partner had some of the highest arches he'd ever seen). It's bad enough he had to give up a couple of jobs that he really enjoyed because it was simply too painful for him. Because our public transit runs less frequently on the weekends (particularly Sunday, because jesus), we might be looking at renting lyft/uber for him which is not ideal.

Additionally, while it isn't a war zone, it probably isn't the "best" part of town. My partner's aforementioned anxiety is not helped in this regard. I need to get him a little keychain pepper spray canister just in case.

So.. this brings us back to our car. It's a twenty year old sedan that used to be very pretty many years ago, with 167k miles on the odometer. It's got nearly new tires, brakes, a recent transmission flush, and a relatively decent interior.

The mechanic quoted us roughly $1600 to address the issues we're facing and there's no guarantee it will solve everything. It additionally doesn't include OEM front shocks and struts that they strongly advised were in need of replacement, and doesn't even address the throttle position sensor/throttle body quirks I've fought with for ten years.

Basically I have to decide: do I want to try and keep this poor car going? We can't even afford our rent on our own, so a car payment on top of everything would be a non-starter. We don't even have the income needed for one of those buy-here-pay-here-loan-shark used car lots, let alone a traditional bank loan.

On the other hand, I don't want to make decisions based on the "sunk cost fallacy" either. We (and by we I mean our family and friends, of course) have spent a substantial amount of money on this vehicle already. Do we really want to pour more into it? Even if we did all of this *and* the shocks and struts *and* the throttle body, that transmission has 167k miles on it, and had never been flushed (to my knowledge) until less than 20k miles ago. What if that sucker decides to go?

To be fair, a substantial portion of this $1600+ we're looking at are routine maintenance tasks that has been postponed for a decade or more (Why the fuck is a "charcoal canister" $700?? The spark plugs and coils don't even cost that much), which in my eyes doesn't make this car so much a "lemon", as just severely neglected.

I have no idea what to do, but I need to do it quickly. I do *not* trust the local tow companies to give us leeway about the car registration, but I have nowhere to move it until then, if I can even make it anywhere the way it's now running. Our temporary permit expired this weekend which means we can't legally drive it and we're sitting ducks for the tow companies. In my lovely state, you have to go directly to the DMV to request a second temp permit and I don't have time in the next few days to dedicate six! hours to get to our DMV and back by public transit.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

*sigh* I better wrap this up before I become self-deprecating, and because I need to start getting ready for my exciting workday at my illustrious retail job.

If you're willing AND able, please boost and if possible donate. If you can't donate, *do NOT feel guilty* for being in the same boat as us. Your feelings about it are valid but rest assured you needn't feel bad.

Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins
Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins
PP: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/gizmo1982
GFM: https://gofund.me/12171be3

#Solidarity #BPD #PTSD #Poverty #MentalIllness @mutualaid

#SoftWhiteUnderbelly interviews #AdamLaneSmith #attachmentExpert tells me the work i have ahead of me as a #MixedAttachmentSyndrome sufferer..

https://youtu.be/_uvwh9x_MQ0?

#MentalHealth #press #IndependentMedia #ClusterBpds
#BPD #DysthymicDisorder #CPTSD #fibromalgya #trauma #recovery #TruthSeeker

#SoftWhiteUnderbelly interviews #AdamLaneSmith #attachmentExpert tells me the work i have ahead of me as a #MixedAttachmentSyndrome sufferer.

#GifsArtidote: listening to adam feels like getting a bucket of ice water thrown at me. my toxic relationships will get worse the older i get, & to break the cycle i'll have to be willing to face my deepest fears & do what's most painful, raw & real.
i feel physically sick listening to these truths, especially the truth about #TheStateWeAreIn as humanity collectively.

https://youtu.be/_uvwh9x_MQ0?

#MentalHealth #press #IndependentMedia #ClusterBpds
#BPD #DysthymicDisorder #CPTSD #fibromalgya #trauma #recovery #TruthSeeker

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Core BPD Traits and Symptoms

#feelings #emotions #emotionalawareness #emotionalhealth #selfawareness #warningsigns #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #ymhc #bpd #mentalillness

Hi everyone,

I'm about to run the car to the mechanic to have them do a diagnostic. Any help you could proffer would be sincerely appreciated. THank you!

If you're willing AND able, please boost and if possible donate. If you can't donate, *do NOT feel guilty* for being in the same boat as us. Your feelings about it are valid but rest assured you needn't feel bad.

Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins
Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins
PP: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/gizmo1982
GFM: https://gofund.me/12171be3

#Solidarity #BPD #PTSD #Poverty #MentalIllness @mutualaid

Folks, I was walking our codependent border collie around our apartment complex tonight, enjoying the ambiance of a quaint, village-like atmosphere.

It reminded me that I really, really don't want to lose this apartment that you've all given us.. The problem is, I haven't yet landed a second job, and the hours at my current job have not been encouraging; my partner has also been getting less hours at his job as well.

We're behind on auto insurance, and I've got two days next week where I can try and get the car in somewhere to have them replace the canister purge valve, and we're beginning to run low on food.

So the time I've been dreading since the last time we did this has now arrived, and I must once again ask for your help. I've been dreading it because it's incredibly embarrassing to have to keep doing this and for the amounts we have to keep asking for.

The good news is we're starting this fundraiser with $135 thanks to a premature donation (unlike some things, I don't mind when that happens!), so we've already gotten the ball rolling as I post this.

It's scary because what if we don't make it? Each time I'm scared people will finally get fed up with us, or that they will fall into similar circumstances as us, as the world economy collapses thanks to.. well, you know, and then what happens? What do we do?

I repeat myself over and over with these fundraising posts because I feel compelled to try and explain myself; to try and prove that I'm asking for this help in earnest, that I'm trying my best even if it doesn't seem like it.

Why do I do this every time? I don't know. This is just how I'm wired, I guess. The thought of *not* infodumping with every fundraiser makes me feel queasy and anxious, I'm not kidding. I don't feel like I'm 'putting in the effort' if I don't word-vomit an essay.

Anyway, my mediocre writing skills are probably my greatest talent, so I suppose I also offer these long-winded begposts as a token of my crude artistic skill (can we even call writing "art"?) to show my friends here that I am grateful. This isn't AI, believe it or not.. this is all hand-crafted and original and shit! lol Hopefully it's at least mildly entertaining.

Maybe think of helping us as an investment for the public good because your support lets me fill the Fediverse with bullshit. "These #shitposts are brought to you by mental illness and by viewers like you!" (I may do more with that actually..)

So, my dear friends.. I think I just managed to get through an entire #begpost without being profusely apologetic and excessively self-deprecating. It feels extremely unsettling. I think it's giving me a headache.

Thank you all for your kindness, generosity, and rallying spirit; for your support and your patronage. We would literally be on the streets without you.

If you're willing AND able, please boost and if possible donate. If you can't donate, *do NOT feel guilty* for being in the same boat as us. Your feelings about it are valid but rest assured you needn't feel bad.

Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins
Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins
PP: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/gizmo1982
GFM: https://gofund.me/12171be3

#Solidarity #BPD #PTSD #Poverty #MentalIllness @mutualaid

I wrote a blog post that I wasn't sure about.
Not sure about much these days to be fair.

Stuck, Unhealthy.. and Middle-Aged

https://projectgjd.uk/stuck-unhealthy-middle-aged

#adhd #autism #bpd #cptsd #elvanse #lamotrigine #mentalhealth #vyvanse

I've worked at companies before that included three free therapy sessions in their Employee Assistance Program. We certainly weren't paid enough for paying for therapy on our own, insurance or not.

Usually they'd have info plastered all over the breakroom about it and I would chuckle to myself.

"Ooh, three free sessions. Bitch, it takes me at least three just to infodump all my baggage and shit for the therapist and bring them up to speed.."

#MentalHealth #MentalIllness #BPD #therapy