My synod (I'm a pastor) is paying for 10 #coaching sessions and I had the first one today. It was a really great experience and I felt so seen, heard and validated. (My therapist will be very happy to hear that.) These sessions are mainly to work on things that will help me in my job, so that is what we mostly talked about.

One of the things I shared was that the church council president in my last congregation was very disrespectful of my (clearly articulated!) boundaries. E.g. regularly showing up at the parsonage at lunch time on my day off to talk about things that could wait a day or more.

The first thing the coach asked in response was, "Did he also cross boundaries in a sexual way?"

Not a single person had ever asked that before when I shared that experience. It took me by surprise and I am glad she asked. The way she asked and her apology for being so blunt felt protective and caring for me.

That man has never crossed a boundary in that way. At least not in a way that I'd have picked up on, which I'm very grateful for. And I wish he would have respected my boundaries. Instead I'm still working on getting over being afraid of the door bell ringing thanks to him.

#trauma #BoundaryCrossing #anxiety