For Autistics, how people-pleasing usually develops is when the people around you are either telling you explicitly or kind of subtly giving you the message over and over and over, that your natural autistic reactions to things aren’t acceptable. 1/3

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Masking isn't the same thing as being sensitive to other people. And being sensitive to other people isn't the same thing as masking.

There's a version of attunement — of being aware of someone, reading the room, adjusting how you show up — that isn't masking. It's just... being in relationship with another person.

Unmasking doesn't mean being insensitive. Those aren't the only options.

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I absolutely despise clothes shopping. There are so many sensory things that are wrong with it. The fluorescent lights, the changing clothes, I barely can stand changing clothes twice a day in my own home, nevermind lots of clothes changes in a row where most of those clothes that I put on are going to have sensory issues in one way or another.
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At some point after learning to unmask, I started incorporating back more sensitivity and more attunement to the other person. Thinking about what their history is. What is it that they need? What will go over well?

Not in a way that is covering up who I am, but in a way that is just responsive to wanting to be kind to the other person.

#ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #Neurodiversity #AuDHD #AutisticMasking #unmasking

Autistic masking is a trauma response; there was a good reason why it started, and it’s going to bring up all sorts of insecurities to not protect yourself in this way.

Trying to unmask without that inner work often produces less than optimal results, reinforcing messages around not being good at people, that people will never accept you for who you are, etc.

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I think the essence of masking is that you're taking on harm to yourself in order to avoid doing harm to others.

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We can only override our needs for so long before the effects of doing so become unignorable.

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However someone reacts to you disclosing to them that you’re autistic, that’s just their first reaction. It’s not necessarily going to be their last reaction.

#AutisticMasking #ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #Neurodiversity #unmasking

A functional #autistic life doesn’t come from imitating a neurotypical life.

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