on being mostly nocturnal…

nighttime is really the only time I get to myself these days.

This post was first published on my Substack.

Hello, everyone. I want to preface this by saying that I have absolutely no fucking clue where this is going. I started a draft of this post in the Substack app, but the links were being odd, so I am starting over from the web editor and seeing where the night takes me.

Before I began that draft, I reread the zine I dropped in June, easy to hate like everything you love, and started listening to the companion playlist I made, called I think you made me hate this city, and started thinking about why I wrote the damn thing at all.

easy to hate’s cover.

For starters, I was really, really fucking pissed off at the state of the world, and still am. I was at the tail end of a five year and some long divorce process that I address in the poem “the jailer”, and I was stuck in a deep flow state, often in the wee hours of the morning, screaming my thoughts out on paper, kinda like I’m doing now.

I felt like everything in my life was in shambles, and, desperate to regain some internal sense of control, I wrote like my life depended on it. I’ve written my way out of holes like that for years.

I’m also often up for most of the night most nights doing what the fuck ever, whether I’m writing rambles like this, crafting zines like easy to hate, catching up on messages, watching shows, or reading fluffy fanfics. It feels like a fuckload is expected of me during the day, I go nonstop, and the wee hours of the morning is the only time I get to myself to just…be and have time to do whatever I want and actually feel like I have time to be a functional person. Nobody needs me at 2:27 AM (the time I’m writing this), and if they do need me, I know it’s truly dire. In a time when I still feel like I have very little agency over my life, this is heaven.

I think I’m gonna leave y’all with a few lines from “20 January 2025”, one of my favorite poems from easy to hate:

"I hail from the hellfire that raised me
and the shadows that granted me solace
Black as the Pit from pole to pole
And I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul."

Go forth and carve some time out to relax today. It’s rebellion.

-Allēna

#aloneTime #nocturnal #poetry #queerPoet #rebellion #Substack #zines #zinester

Ever feel like your head’s a shaken-up soda can?
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http://ittybitty4life.com/2025/08/21/alone-but-not-lonely-the-power-of-a-10-minute-daily-reset/?utm_source=mastodon&utm_medium=jetpack_social

Alone but Not Lonely: The Power of a 10-Minute Daily Reset

You know that moment when you feel like you might actually rip your hair out and your head feels like a shaken-up soda can? Yeah, that one. The kids are bickering, the dog just knocked over the wat…

IttyBitty4life
06/05/2025
Mommy would like to go to time out please and thank you.
https://thedevilspanties.com/archives/16640
#AloneTime,#kids,#parenthood,#tantrums,#toddlers
Walking in the hills at nightfall #winter #alonetime #aliveinthismoment
I like to be up early when nobody else is awake
34.5%
I like to be up late when nobody else is awake
27.3%
None of the above
10.9%
Both of the above
23.6%
A secret option not listed here
3.6%
Poll ended at .