Golden Retriever GFI'm going to give an origin story to my addiction. Mostly so hurting people don't feel alone but also to do this once in English in case I need to do it in German.
In 2016 I was going through a divorce. I had left the church a few years before and we grew rather apart over time instead of together. Nothing more nefarious than that. This landed me in the mental hospital eventually and the stress increased. Substance use also increased as our court proceedings intensified. Nothing too severe.
In 2017 Trump took power, I stopped taking medications, and did therapy for my OCD, and my identity as a queer trans woman came out from under the cover of antipsychotics. I was also a one income household as a beginning cook. I was suddenly poor, out of the closet, under intense discrimination and with less and less human rights daily.
I was also in a position with acess to free alcohol. Culinary school in Germany starts with a first day warning that 66% of everyone in that class will develop an addiction. Culinary is one of the highest rate addiction industries that exists. I had no out for my stress and that stress alone drives most heterosexual cis cooks to alcohism. I am a humble trans woman and having your human rights stripped away while you watch in terror is rather stressful. Let's just say I was a fully fledged alcoholic in a matter of months.
I had a bunch of coworkers point out that my hands were shaking. Drunk on shift. Waking up to a shot of whiskey to handle the hangovers. My parents started asking about my addiction. I was doing just making mitsake after mistake after a few years. I drove home drunk someting like 7 to 14 nights in a row. And I decided I'd had it. I was so mad at myself that I quit cold turkey. I don't remember the next two weeks. It's a blank spot in my memory.
I then met the nonbinary woman who would be my wife so I made plans to move to Germany. It meant I worked myself even more and I got a call from a last job. My first promotion to sous chef. turns out the head chef was a MAGA white christian and I relapsed for the first time. I hid this from my now wife, I hid this from my friends until I broke down in a chat room. I sobered up and I decided I needed to be completely dry. If that amount of drinking, convinced I was under control, led to a relapse than I needed to not touch the stuff. I avoided it now for 5 years.
Now I'm having issues with cravings again. Severe short staffing, extreme work stress and shit politics are the exact reason I started. It's been a struggle but I've been successful. Maybe this helps you, I don't know. I'd just like nobody to feel as alone as I felt. Maybe you don't feel like the gods are punishing you when the feelings keep coming back. I don't know. I just wish addiction wasn't so lonely and I'll do anything in my power to not make it not so.
#alcholism #uspol #loneliness #sobriety
In 2016 I was going through a divorce. I had left the church a few years before and we grew rather apart over time instead of together. Nothing more nefarious than that. This landed me in the mental hospital eventually and the stress increased. Substance use also increased as our court proceedings intensified. Nothing too severe.
In 2017 Trump took power, I stopped taking medications, and did therapy for my OCD, and my identity as a queer trans woman came out from under the cover of antipsychotics. I was also a one income household as a beginning cook. I was suddenly poor, out of the closet, under intense discrimination and with less and less human rights daily.
I was also in a position with acess to free alcohol. Culinary school in Germany starts with a first day warning that 66% of everyone in that class will develop an addiction. Culinary is one of the highest rate addiction industries that exists. I had no out for my stress and that stress alone drives most heterosexual cis cooks to alcohism. I am a humble trans woman and having your human rights stripped away while you watch in terror is rather stressful. Let's just say I was a fully fledged alcoholic in a matter of months.
I had a bunch of coworkers point out that my hands were shaking. Drunk on shift. Waking up to a shot of whiskey to handle the hangovers. My parents started asking about my addiction. I was doing just making mitsake after mistake after a few years. I drove home drunk someting like 7 to 14 nights in a row. And I decided I'd had it. I was so mad at myself that I quit cold turkey. I don't remember the next two weeks. It's a blank spot in my memory.
I then met the nonbinary woman who would be my wife so I made plans to move to Germany. It meant I worked myself even more and I got a call from a last job. My first promotion to sous chef. turns out the head chef was a MAGA white christian and I relapsed for the first time. I hid this from my now wife, I hid this from my friends until I broke down in a chat room. I sobered up and I decided I needed to be completely dry. If that amount of drinking, convinced I was under control, led to a relapse than I needed to not touch the stuff. I avoided it now for 5 years.
Now I'm having issues with cravings again. Severe short staffing, extreme work stress and shit politics are the exact reason I started. It's been a struggle but I've been successful. Maybe this helps you, I don't know. I'd just like nobody to feel as alone as I felt. Maybe you don't feel like the gods are punishing you when the feelings keep coming back. I don't know. I just wish addiction wasn't so lonely and I'll do anything in my power to not make it not so.
#alcholism #uspol #loneliness #sobriety
Tragic Mammal
Ralph Brooker