Blåhaj Lemmy - Choose Your Interface

Blåhaj Lemmy - Choose Your Interface

All aboard the Dysphoria train - Lemmy.World

My partner offered to do my makeup today. I was excited both because she’s been iffy on the whole transition thing and because she’s very good at doing her own makeup and I was excited to get some instruction. I’ve always thought I look young for my age and fairly attractive (if you’re into mountain men) so I was cautiously optimistic about the results. But when she was done I looked in the mirror and my first thought was: shit, I hope Napoleon comes through that door and puts me out of my misery. I looked like an old french duke or a sad theatre queen in a Christmas pantomime. Without the makeup I looked around 5 years younger than my age, but with it I looked easily 25 years older. My eyelids especially looked like poorly tanned leather. I know estrogen is amazing for your skin, but Jesus Christ does it have some heavy fucking lifting to do.

The Politics of Sex at Birth (or why we should stop saying AMAB and AFAB) - Blåhaj Lemmy

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/28783084 [https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/28783084] > How trying to define ourselves or others define us by assigned sex at birth doesn’t serve us and is generally oppressive and incorrect, both scientifically and socially.

got mtf surgery sorted at 45! - Blåhaj Lemmy

admitted to self at 38, socially transitioned for a year, 6 or so years on hormones and nhs waiting list, operation was yesterday. so happy, (but a little ouchie)

I'm taking the plunge at 32 years old! - Blåhaj Lemmy

I’ve purchased my estrogen HRT via DIY means thanks to the support of communities like this on Lemmy and on the chat.blahaj.zone Matrix server. diyhrt.info [http://diyhrt.info] was a great starter guide and I feel confident in what I need to do. At this point, it’s just waiting for EEn to show up at a PO Box and purchasing the accessory equipment (needles, sharp boxes, etc.). I’m 32 years old and I’m tired of living in a body that doesn’t reflect who I am so I’m going to try and make a change. Once my wife and I worked it out (as much as any couple in this situation can work it out), I had a hard time actually committing. I sat on this decision for a bit. It’s not easy to commit to potentially irreversible bodily changes, but I’m confident that I want them. I’d be lying if the concept didn’t scare me a little though. I want to be pretty. I just want to be myself. I wish there was a telescope I could look through that would show me my future. If I didn’t have conservative family, friends, community, and work, I’d be over the moon right now. But there is a part of me that’s afraid of the fallout I’ll be fielding for the (*checks political climate*) rest of my life. All that being said, there’s a much larger part of me that’s excited! I’m looking forward to being myself - regardless of what others think. All of you are absolute icons for being the first ones to take those steps and to support people like me. If I didn’t find communities like this (and lurk on them) for years, I never would have made it to the other side. I appreciate your advice, comments, support, and honesty as I’ve flooded this community with my posts.

Just posting an update for those who care - Lemmy.World

My post history has some context for people who are curious or just don’t know what I’m talking about. Recap TL;DR: I came out to my wife and she was afraid that if I transitioned she would stop being attracted to me. Since I was afraid of divorce, I decided I’d hold off on transitioning indefinitely. Since then, my wife and I have been bouncing all over the map this week. She was freaked out initially, but then she flipped to being ok with me transitioning - with the caveat that she might not be attracted to me, but she’ll always love me. With that in mind, I felt comfortable looking at what transitioning might really look like. One reason I wouldn’t transition anytime soon is fertility. I want more kids. I love my child and I want 1-2 more (as was always my marriage’s life plan). I know freezing sperm is an option, but in-vitro is so expensive I don’t know if we would want to try it. I realize kids are far more expensive than in-vitro, but my wife and I have budgeted for kids - not kids + in-vitro. We have plans to fix up our house, retire early, etc. So I don’t want to put undue stress on those plans. We are considering freezing sperm, but not very seriously. Also, based on some messages I got from users, it seems like having kids prior to transitioning is a contentious concept? I didn’t expect that, but some people (mostly in DMs) seemed angry that I didn’t know I was trans until after I had my first kid. I think those perspectives are related to divorce since divorce does produce worse outcomes for kids (generally not always). I guess I’m inviting people to come here and elaborate on their thoughts about that. Anyways, I struggled to hear the harsher words from some people, but I also think they were well-founded. They were a gut-punch that made me reorient my thinking away from selfish thoughts about myself and more about my family and how my choices impact them. I built up transitioning in my mind. I was feeling a strong sense of dysphoria. I assumed my wife would be ok with it (since we are already inhabiting stereotypical reversed-gender roles in almost every aspect of life). I assumed it wouldn’t impact my fertility so quickly/drastically. I thought I was a month or two away from starting HRT. But the more I research it, the more I think I could be years away. As an attempt to take this slower and more seriously, I have an appointment with a therapist today to start. It really should have been my first course of action anyways. It’s possible I could start transitioning with non-hormonal techniques and maybe that’s enough for me. If so, that would be ideal. My male physique wouldn’t change too much and my wife would be happy about that. Maybe my dysphoria would go away. I’ve tried that in the past, but I didn’t go “all-in” on it. I felt ugly and manly which bummed me out back then, but maybe I just didn’t really accept myself and that was hindering the experience. Generally speaking, I think I was just moving way too fast and unmeasured. I’m assuming that’s common in “TransLater communities” because there is a lot of fear that the biological clock is stripping away my opportunity to meet my goals before it’s too late. But that doesn’t mean it’s the right mentality. Plenty of people transition much later than I was planning and it works out fine. So, maybe that’ll be my experience. Or maybe I’ll never transition due to the aforementioned options, therapy, etc. Who knows. I’m probably still going to be active in this community, if that’s ok. I sure hate that my whole experience is practically the only thing in this community lol It’s a bit embarrassing in a way. Please drown out my posts with some more positive stuff!

What if my wife is hetero-normative? - Lemmy.World

I’m a trans-woman. My wife is hetero-normative. She likes men. She isn’t attracted to women. She likes some “effeminate” features: men with long hair, big butts, some minor make-up. But she - in her own words - likes the ineffable quality of masculinity. As I’ve mentioned in other posts, my wife is politically as far left as one could go; trans ideologies are not foreign to her. We have started “the big talk” last week and it started well. She was 100% supportive and was open to the idea of me transitioning. However, that was her knee-jerk reaction. As she’s had time to mull on it, she’s afraid she won’t be attracted to me as I transition. She’s worried that as my body/style changes, that she will lose her attraction to me. She’s, frankly, not a lesbian. We left the conversation in an uncomfortable place. It seems pretty clear that if I reached my transition goals, I would lose her. She really tried to not make that the ultimatum it sounds like, but I can read between the lines. We are both super open and we both love each other inside and out. My wife is just afraid that she won’t be attracted to me anymore. She’s also afraid that I’ll choose to not transition to protect our marriage. And her fears are well founded. I was thinking about starting hormones this year, but now I’m backing out quickly. To be honest, I’d rather never explore being trans than lose my wife. She’s the best partner anyone could ask for. She provides love, support, fun, learning, etc. We also just started a family. I don’t know what to say. I know many of you are probably thinking that if I wait, I’ll either be miserable or I’ll eventually cave and transition later in life; at that point, we will have an even harder time in our marriage. That being said, my wife is leftist and open and open-hearted. She’s willing to support me in trying out feminine things, but she’s afraid hormones will make permanent changes that make me unattractive to her. So, maybe I can have the best of both worlds. I have seen other people mention that they got a divorce and that was their solution. I think that’s a valid solution for some people, but it’s just not an option for me. I don’t know how to explain it, but divorce seems far worse than any dysphoria I’ve experienced. I think that’s the only way I can say it. I’d rather continue experiencing dysphoria than lose her. So, is that my answer? I’m not really expecting strangers on the internet to solve my marriage issues here. But I figured this little vent might resonate with some people and it might help others know they aren’t alone.

Thought for Food - Blåhaj Lemmy

I’ve been going to a personal trainer since the start of September and it’s been a life changing opportunity. It’s a small fitness place, it’s run by two Agender individuals and one of the founders/owners is my personal trainer. The staff are all either neurodivergent, 2SLGBTQIA+, or both. My Personal Trainer (let’s call them D) self described as agender, she/they, still is a mother, has a teenager with ASD and non-speaking and another kid who’s transgender with ASD. They themselves have ASD and are person no.2 whom told me to check if I was autistic as well (which I went and did, and ta-da I have AuDHD!) D has helped immensely and among all of that it’s even just them holding space for me in their own chaotic life. They showed me all the trauma my body had gone through, especially with back surgery as a child with little/no after care in the long term and decades at that point of body-just-got-used-to-the-bad. Having been cheer captain in their younger years, I get told “no transfem is leaving this gym without a booty and boobs” and that’s not a joke. Now, I’ve started rambling a little with sharing all this, but I do have a sincere point. When I was starting out, I was very detached from my own body and taking care of it after years of neglect. Being traumatized does that to you. Being trans does that to you. Here I was, healing and growing and already well on my journey (with a few months on HRT at this point), but still having dysphoria and grief ruin my life. We began tackling some of that, inspired by my toddler who was coming to workouts on some occasions, by going back and pretending to be a toddler. 4 specifically, but I’m not sure it matters as much (unless you want to be very accurate and match it with child neurological development timelines). Putting away all the white colonial societal programming, my own experiences and knowledge, stopping my ego and fears of being cringe or something else…. Just be a kid. If you were trans, you didn’t get to. Be a kid now. Act like one. Explore like one. Go in with no judgement like one. You have to re-do your childhood. Speedrun it, obviously, but you have to let yourself do a lot of that stupid shit again, this time as the right gender. Question everything you’ve ever known or programmed yourself with, and go be a silly kid and laugh and have fun. That’s how everyone does it, at 4. They just all got the perk of being cisgender and monkey see, monkey do worked for them. Anyways I should be sleeping and should plan ahead more when I write, instead of impulsively starting a post past midnight when the kids are asleep and my high is wearing off and now I kinda want a snack…

TransLater and unsure about how far to go in transitioning - Lemmy.World

I’m 30 years old (soon to be 31). I’m a new trans woman (still working through how I might accept it and see myself). I’m unsure how far I should go. I’ve spoken at some length on other communities about what it feels like to be “ugly and masc”. I realize feeling like I can’t “pass” as a fem is partly due to deeply rooted transphobia. I have what most older men have: masculine distribution of fat (bit of a belly), hairy everywhere, fears of balding (so far not yet), deepish voice, etc. If I had no friends or family, I’d probably just go all in: hormone therapies, voice training, surgeries, etc. But I feel like I need to pass in front of my immediate family since I’m sure I wouldn’t be accepted. I love them, but they wouldn’t get it. I don’t know how far I should go with transitioning. I am currently considering growing out my hair, shaving, and trying to do exercises that conform my body to a more stereotypical feminine shape. Is there a lot of risk in hormone therapies and voice training? Is it hard to go “boy mode” after the fact? What about being 30+ years old and starting it? Should I just accept I’ll never pass?