NatalieI haven't really been here for the last few weeks. I have, however, been on threads (don't @ me) and there's something about the brief format and slightly confrontational vibe of that place that has suited my mood recently. My mood being A Big Issue, Actually.
The week before last a couple of things happened at the shop that triggered my brain weasels, so I had last week off and now I'm going to be off for the next two months. My psychiatrist has recommended I go back into hospital for another round of TMS. I have stayed in for 4-6 weeks on previous admissions for TMS! It eats up your life.
I can't help but feel like I'm letting everyone down. And there is bags of shame about every thing I've done in the last week in reaction to the events that set me off. Other people have been affected too. The guilt I have carried around with me from childhood is in attendance. (No idea why I have so much guilt and shame, it'd be really nice if I could identify the source and get rid of it.)
I've had three courses of TMS before and I was in the worst period of my life, so my recollection is that it didn't actually help much. My doctor thinks it did, and we both thought it'd be interesting to see how I respond when I'm not in such a distressed state.
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