So I don't want to seem like I am just turning around and being with someone else, as if he wasn't good enough already. Plus, he is a real sweetie too, and we are still friends, so I don't want to ruin that. Might seem like a betrayal, you know? But, then again, maybe I am overthinking this, as always.

4/4

#lgbtq #transman #transgenderman #ftm #ftmquestioning #transgender #lgbt #transmasc #transmasculine #masc

So, IDK what to do? I will always at least be her friend, but I don't want to throw away my shot, to see someone else get her first. Also, I would additionally feel bad about getting with someone else after I broke up with my boyfriend last year cuz I felt I couldn't handle a relationship at the time.

3/?

#lgbtq #transman #transgenderman #ftm #ftmquestioning #transgender #lgbt #transmasc #transmasculine #masc

I want to ask her out or tell her she's oh so pretty and sweet, but with my current mental state + being somewhere on the aromantic spectrum, I don't know that I could do a relationship justice right now. And I also don't want to risk losing our still blossoming friendship for nothing.

2/?

#lgbtq #transman #transgenderman #ftm #ftmquestioning #transgender #lgbt #transmasc #transmasculine #masc

And is my apathy/amotivation/what have you, due to my being closeted trans/in denial? Or maybe because of my meds? Idk. Just felt like I needed to vent. As usual, if anyone has any advice for me, I'd be happy to hear it, but whatever is cool.

12/12?

#lgbtq #transman #transgenderman #ftm #ftmquestioning #transgender #lgbt #transmasc #transmasculine #masc

The more I wait on this, the more stuck I get. My life force, as in motivation and drive to do anything, to be inspired, to be productive, feels like it is sapping and ebbing away. My good feelings come back a bit from time to time, but it always gets weaker, and not as long or frequent as before. I can't move forward with my life until I know who I am, who I'm putting out there.

11/?

#lgbtq #transman #transgenderman #ftm #ftmquestioning #transgender #lgbt #transmasc #transmasculine #masc

It's just weird. I feel like I am coming to a proverbial fork in the road here. Like, there is a reckoning with myself on the horizon. Something has to happen, has to change. Some sort of gender transition, be it social or medical or both, just looks better and better by the day. But I feel so much shame, guilt, and fear over it + like I am betraying people who know me a certain way.

10/?

#lgbtq #transman #transgenderman #ftm #ftmquestioning #transgender #lgbt #transmasc #transmasculine #masc

I don't even know if I could explain why I want to be a man, or feel like I am a man. Shouldn't there be reasons why I think/feel this way? Shouldn't there have been a bunch of clear signs all throughout my life thus far? Or have there been, and I just haven't noticed them? Maybe I am just more stupid and unobservant than I thought I was, and just hadn't seen it for what it was.

9/?

#lgbtq #transman #transgenderman #ftm #ftmquestioning #transgender #lgbt #transmasc #transmasculine #masc

Am I a misogynist if I think it's cool to be a man? Or that I would feel better/cooler if I personally was a man? And if people of any gender can act, talk, dress, express, and do things that any other gender can, what do I have to base this off of? How would I ever know whatever the hell I am?

8/?

#lgbtq #transman #transgenderman #ftm #ftmquestioning #transgender #lgbt #transmasc #transmasculine #masc