I don’t know which idea is better, but I do know I’ll end up on the winning side. When I bet on horses I never lose! Why? I bet on all the horses. #TomHaverford #parksandrec

“Zerts are what I call deserts. tray trays are entrees, I call sandwiches sammies, sanddouzels or Adam Sandler's. Air conditioners are cool blasters, with a Z. I call cakes, big ol cookies. I call noodles, long as rice, fried chicken is fried fried chicky chick, chicken parm is chicky chick parm parm, chicken cacciatore chicky catch, I call eggs, pre birds or future birds, root beer is super water tortillas are bean blankies, and I call forks food rakes. #TomHaverford #parksandrec #catchphrases

“Now the real art begins. STEP 1, nail this photoshoot with an amazing iconic image. STEP 2, book some outside gig. STEP 3, have sex with a model. STEP 4, step in front of the camera, become a model. Keep slithering!” #TomHaverford #parksandrec #actionplan #modelphotography

“I love ads, from magazines to flavored vodkas, billboards for designer jeans. I TiVo through shows to get to the ads. I LOVE ADS.” #TomHaverford #parksandrec #marketing