State Department’s New Hobby: Collecting 6,000 Vacant Student Visas

#Satire #StudentVisas #USStateDepartment #InternationalStudents #TheJestPress By: TheJestPress.com **US State Department Revokes 6,000 Student Visas, Claims Students “Weren’t Sure What A W-2 Was Anyway”** WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning move that experts are calling “probably not on the syllabus,” the US State Department announced Wednesday that it has revoked 6,000 student visas. Officials maintain…

http://thejestpress.com/2025/08/19/state-departments-new-hobby-collecting-6000-vacant-student-visas/?utm_source=mastodon&utm_medium=jetpack_social

Israeli Security Cabinet Unveils New Hobby: Urban Gazan Real Estate Expansion

#Satire #InternationalNews #MiddleEast #GazaCity #TheJestPress By: TheJestPress.com **Israeli Security Cabinet Approves Plan to Occupy Gaza City; Already Looking for Airbnb Listings** TEL AVIV – In an audacious move that has historians, peace negotiators, and confused travel bloggers furrowing their brows, Israel’s Security Cabinet announced this Thursday that it has officially approved a…

http://thejestpress.com/2025/08/07/israeli-security-cabinet-unveils-new-hobby-urban-gazan-real-estate-expansion/?utm_source=mastodon&utm_medium=jetpack_social

Dean Cain Trades Cape for Badge in Honorary ICE Officer Role

#SupermanICE #DeanCain #ICEmanCometh #HonoraryAgent #TheJestPress By: TheJestPress.com In news that’s likely to make Lex Luthor sweat and undocumented aliens double-check their disguises, former TV Superman Dean Cain is set to be sworn in as an honorary ICE officer this week. The actor, once beloved for soaring through Metropolis on prime-time television, will now trade in his cape for a clipboard and badge —…

http://thejestpress.com/2025/08/07/dean-cain-trades-cape-for-badge-in-honorary-ice-officer-role/?utm_source=mastodon&utm_medium=jetpack_social

Ghislaine Maxwell Denied Service Dog Lessons, Canine Camp Too Elite

#GhislaineMaxwell #PrisonProblems #DogGoneIt #SatireNews #TheJestPress By: TheJestPress.com Scandal hit the pooch world at Alderson ‘Camp Cupcake’ Correctional Facility this Tuesday, after infamous socialite Ghislaine Maxwell was “uninvited” from the prison’s much-coveted Service Dog Training Program. Sources say it’s the first time in U.S. penal history that someone was deemed a “bad influence” on the…

http://thejestpress.com/2025/08/07/ghislaine-maxwell-denied-service-dog-lessons-canine-camp-too-elite/?utm_source=mastodon&utm_medium=jetpack_social

RFK Jr. Single-Handedly Drains $500M Vaccine Fund, Claims Plot Thickens

#RFKJr #VaccineDrama #FundingFrenzy #SatireNews #TheJestPress By: TheJestPress.com **RFK Jr. Pulls $500 Million in Funding for Vaccine Development, Sends Researchers a "Get Well Soon" Card Instead** In an unexpected twist that left the medical community both underfunded and scratching their bandaged heads, independent presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has reportedly withdrawn $500…

http://thejestpress.com/2025/08/05/rfk-jr-single-handedly-drains-500m-vaccine-fund-claims-plot-thickens/?utm_source=mastodon&utm_medium=jetpack_social

Human Skeleton Spotted, Claims to Be Gaza Hostage Brother on BBC

#Satire #SkeletonBrother #BreakingBones #HostageNews #TheJestPress By: TheJestPress.com **He is a Human Skeleton, Brother of Gaza Hostage Reveals in Emotional Interview** In a shocking and thoroughly calcium-rich interview with the BBC, Avi David, brother of Gaza hostage Evyatar David, delivered a revelation that rocked the international community ― and the medical community’s understanding of basic human…

http://thejestpress.com/2025/08/04/human-skeleton-spotted-claims-to-be-gaza-hostage-brother-on-bbc/?utm_source=mastodon&utm_medium=jetpack_social

Trump Plans Tariff Tsunami on India for Playing Oil Market Like Chess

#TrumpTariffsAgain #IndiaOilDrama #RussiaFuelFiasco #WorldTradeWoes #TheJestPress By: TheJestPress.com In a move designed to keep both economic experts and late-night comedians gainfully employed, former President Donald Trump declared that he will “substantially” raise tariffs on India—unless, of course, they stop shopping in Vladimir Putin’s Bargain Basement Oil Bonanza. Speaking from a golf cart…

http://thejestpress.com/2025/08/04/trump-plans-tariff-tsunami-on-india-for-playing-oil-market-like-chess/?utm_source=mastodon&utm_medium=jetpack_social

Brain Scans Reveal Who Can Actually Handle Anxiety Apps Without Melting Down

#BrainImaging #AnxietyApps #SelfCareRevolution #MindReaders #TheJestPress By: TheJestPress.com **Clinicians Use Brain Imaging to Predict Which Anxious People Will Blame Their App for Not Working** In a dazzling breakthrough sure to delight both neuroscientists and people who love posting about their mental health on Instagram, clinicians have harnessed brain imaging to predict exactly who will…

http://thejestpress.com/2025/08/02/brain-scans-reveal-who-can-actually-handle-anxiety-apps-without-melting-down/?utm_source=mastodon&utm_medium=jetpack_social

Trump’s New Tariff Targets Thailand and Cambodia, Peace Deals Not Included

#TrumpTariff #InternationalRelations #PeaceDealProblems #SatireNews #TheJestPress By: TheJestPress.com In a move that no one—except maybe him—saw coming, former President Donald Trump announced a 19% tariff on all goods from Thailand and Cambodia, just hours after the two Southeast Asian nations signed a historic peace treaty ending centuries of mild awkwardness and competitive street food…

http://thejestpress.com/2025/07/31/trumps-new-tariff-targets-thailand-and-cambodia-peace-deals-not-included/?utm_source=mastodon&utm_medium=jetpack_social

Ukraine’s Air Force Major Caught Selling Secrets, Still Claims It’s Just Friendly Chit-Chat

#UkraineSpyScandal #AirForceFollies #EspionageFails #SatireNews #TheJestPress By: TheJestPress.com In perhaps the most unintentionally ironic moment of the week, Ukraine has announced the arrest of an Air Force major caught allegedly moonlighting as a Russian spy—a career move apparently inspired by classic board game “Risk” and all seven seasons of “Game of Thrones.” The…

http://thejestpress.com/2025/07/30/ukraines-air-force-major-caught-selling-secrets-still-claims-its-just-friendly-chit-chat/?utm_source=mastodon&utm_medium=jetpack_social