schalkenRecently Duane had resigned to thinking of his celibacy as an audition for his future. Who needed sex in the here and now? In just a few dozen years he would be without it -- and any other sensation -- for all eternity. Easier to accept his eventual dying if he had already given up on some worldy pleasures, already had a taste of the grave.
But that all changed at the Grange Hall catfish dinner. He noticed her as soon as she ducked through the entrance. She had caramel skin, bountiful dark hair, and the cutest ergonomic shoes.
She looked like like Jessica Alba on the slipcase of the Dark Angel season 1 DVD set, but if Jessica Alba was from Oklahoma. Her teeth were as bright white as an astronaut's spacewalk suit. These were some of the thoughts he had.
Another thought: he must immediately throw away his old boring sex deceit. It was just a muted tantrum. With velocity, he embraced a new credo: indulge in all the worldly pleasures! Do not feel cheated out of them on the deathbed!
He swelled with optimism. He foresaw that on his deathbed he would lie next to his beautiful Jessica Alba and contentedly review his life, regretting nothing. That's just how it would have to be.
He spiked her corn wine and took her home.
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