I feel like I’ve done a ‘Lump’ #StupidCatSongs entry before but here’s a new one inspired by the sight that greeted me earlier when I went into my bedroom
Lump sat alone under a mohair throw
This house in winter gets pretty cold, you know
Mel came in still in her pyjamas
She made lump get up and start going bananas
He’s lump, he’s lump
He’s in my bed
He’s lump, he’s lump, he’s lump
He might be fed
(Warren G voice)
I’m shedding into a whole new era
G-Puff step to this, I dare ya
Fluff, on a whole new level
(Nate Dogg voice)
The carpet is the couch
And the couch is the beddle
To the tune of ‘Islands in the Stream’
You’re a puffy cat
You’re so puffy that
I wanna pat you
Wanna give you food
(Probably a good thing that I got no further with that one)
Left a food bowl in the kitchen
Workin’ for the miaow every night and day
But I never lost one minute of scratchin’
Worryin’ bout the food that might’ve been
Cat food keep on pourin’
Loud Grahamy keep on miawwin’
Purrin’
Purrin’
Purrin’ for the kibble
I watched two #Christmas movies the other night, in both of which the protagonist has to write a Christmas song, and it has ignited a desire to write a Christmas song in me
I wish that the seeds of normal & lucrative projects would take root in me but it’s always the dumbest & most throwaway stuff
IMO there are several kinds of #Xmas songs:
– jaunty (playful, secular, knowing)
– reverent (earnest, sacred, emotional)
– joyous (earnest, upbeat, both sacred & secular)
When I say ‘sacred’ I mean both Nativity themed & also focused on humane care
Secular focuses on the broader ‘holiday season’
In these bad times it’s tempting to write a reverent song about “peace & understanding” but that feels bogus & indulgent & is the Christian association in poor taste?
I could write a reverent song that cheers people to stay with the trouble, but I’d rather write a joyous song to bring joy
My difficulty is that I am generally a pretty sardonic person whose songwriting these days is mainly focused on my cat (#StupidCatSongs), so jaunty is my natural register
A friend posted in the group chat a video that used ‘Superfreak’ by Rick James as the soundtrack, which reminded me of one of my goated #StupidCatSongs
He’s a very fluffy cat
The kind that moults upon your sofa
And he will never leave your eiderdown
Once you get him off your sheets
He likes the boys in the house*
He says that I’m his all-time favourite
When he makes his way to my room it’s the night-time
He’s always soft to squeeze
That cat is very puffy (That cat’s a supersqueak)
The kind of cat you read about (He poos on magazines)
That cat does very loud miaows (That cat’s a supersqueak)
He’s all right! He’s all right! That Graham’s all right with me
Yeah… hey-hey, hey!
He’s a supersqueak! Supersqueak!
He’s super-squeaky, miaow!
* When I wrote this stupid cat song I was living in a share house with two male housemates
Gotye-themed #StupidCatSongs
But you didn’t have to scratch me up
Make out like you haven’t eaten and that you have nothing
And I don’t even need your fluff
But you bite me when I groom you and it feels so rough
No, you didn’t have to poo so low
Have your friends collect your nuggets and then change your litter
Guess that I don’t need that, though
Now you’re just some puffy cat I used to know
(Graham’s verse)
Miaow miaow miaow miaow miaow miaow miaow miaow mi-aowww
Take that and rewind it back
Lil Graham got the miaow to make your booty go 👏🏼
A cat food bowl that holds a thousand kibbles
A food machine that’s timed to dispense nibbles
A raking claw that stings
These mewlish things
Remiaow’nd me of you
New Nelly Fur-tado song just dropped:
I’m like a cat
I only miaow away
I don’t know where my food is
Where my litter tray is
Mel Campbell