I never really felt dysphoria before, not in a way I could clearly identify
but after finally embracing my real self I am starting to feel it in more situations
I see old(er) men in the street, look at them and think: will I age like this too?
and the thought is terrifying
the thing that really got me is that I'm not talking about people I would consider ugly, on the contrary! it's reasonably good looking people (subjective!), athletic and "fit" body types.
many cis people would give anything to age that well, and here I am barely managing to keep the #stillcistho mask together at this point
aging as a man terrifies me... I'm happy with my body, have a hair I like (growing it anyway, but the potential is there!), soft-ish skin... the thought of all this going away.. I can't bear it
aging as a woman otoh... well nobody likes to age (at least I don't), but it hits different