scatter//gathermy living situation drains me so completely there's almost nothing left for living my own life or existing in my own skin
all the tension has returned to my body and my mind is sinking back into "I can never catch up no matter how hard I try" chaos because of the endless pointless sensory input about which I have zero control or recourse. I've been back 4 days. #SolitudeStarvation #9years @actuallyautistic
I've posed this question here before, but it's on my mind again lately: I wonder if I will ever again have any space to call my own before I'm dead.
given the persistent little owies in the center of my chest which got exponentially more frequent after I had a hard bout of covid nearly 2 years ago, it's an open question.
there is literally a person directly around the corner from me - no doors - 18 hours a day, 7 days a week.
I wish I could describe what this does to me. how it deconstructs my ability to exist in my own mind, plank by individual plank, thought by thought. #SolitudeStarvation
endless, endless, endless uncontrollable stimuli grinding my mind face-first into the dirt #SolitudeStarvation