That Frisian Girl-ishAs someone who is extremely wary around #men, I want to share with you an extremely hot take.
Men are not the problem. The prevailing patriarchical culture they exist in is. The baseline toxicity of their daily life is. I'm a trans person, AMAB. I had problems with this for over three and a half decades. The induction into this culture is insidious, and the policing is brutal. You deviate, you get ostracized from the "cool kids" and bullied - before any of the big stuff even happens. Before the first rape joke clicks somewhere around puberty, because you already heard them before you understood them. So you get taught early to be quiet if you can't belly laugh at them, or else.
Of course men don't see the big #sexist stuff, because they are men. That happens to non-men, and the ostracized. Your average man is steeped and inducted into #sexism like a fish swims in water. It doesn't drown them like it does others. And of course, there is scope creep, from seeing things as typically female to devaluing those things, to devaluing the people doing these things, to devaluing the group as a whole. You can become an awful, sexist creep while never putting a hand on a woman, never saying a bad word, never laughing at an awful joke. You are caught up in the silent majority that is culpable by permitting these things to happen.
The crux is, victims are not in the position of power to change that, even if it is the most apparent to them. So, to you, as a man, this seems unfair. Of course it does. You're not doing anything awful. But we ask you to change things, because you have the power to change this, and nobody else. We ask you to become aware. We ask you to risk your status. We ask a lot of you. But we don't ask just for our own sake.
The "epidemic of male loneliness" is caused by the other side not putting up with this anymore. Yes, a lot of heterosexual women rather resign to an animal shitting in a box and a piece of plastic because the price to pay for being with a man like they'd want to is too damn high. There is an equal epidemic of female loneliness, and they choose to suffer that pretty much like the bear as the preferrable choice to be alone with in the woods.
So. The not-men are choosing already. They are choosing by withholding availability. It is an undeclared general strike. Your way out of this is to show yourself better than the bear. To become a predictable, safe choice. Someone who sees a person first. Not just a person, though - because as much as you don't see patterns when you don't see colors, you don't see patterns when you don't see gender.
Men are not the problem. The prevailing patriarchical culture they exist in is. The baseline toxicity of their daily life is. I'm a trans person, AMAB. I had problems with this for over three and a half decades. The induction into this culture is insidious, and the policing is brutal. You deviate, you get ostracized from the "cool kids" and bullied - before any of the big stuff even happens. Before the first rape joke clicks somewhere around puberty, because you already heard them before you understood them. So you get taught early to be quiet if you can't belly laugh at them, or else.
Of course men don't see the big #sexist stuff, because they are men. That happens to non-men, and the ostracized. Your average man is steeped and inducted into #sexism like a fish swims in water. It doesn't drown them like it does others. And of course, there is scope creep, from seeing things as typically female to devaluing those things, to devaluing the people doing these things, to devaluing the group as a whole. You can become an awful, sexist creep while never putting a hand on a woman, never saying a bad word, never laughing at an awful joke. You are caught up in the silent majority that is culpable by permitting these things to happen.
The crux is, victims are not in the position of power to change that, even if it is the most apparent to them. So, to you, as a man, this seems unfair. Of course it does. You're not doing anything awful. But we ask you to change things, because you have the power to change this, and nobody else. We ask you to become aware. We ask you to risk your status. We ask a lot of you. But we don't ask just for our own sake.
The "epidemic of male loneliness" is caused by the other side not putting up with this anymore. Yes, a lot of heterosexual women rather resign to an animal shitting in a box and a piece of plastic because the price to pay for being with a man like they'd want to is too damn high. There is an equal epidemic of female loneliness, and they choose to suffer that pretty much like the bear as the preferrable choice to be alone with in the woods.
So. The not-men are choosing already. They are choosing by withholding availability. It is an undeclared general strike. Your way out of this is to show yourself better than the bear. To become a predictable, safe choice. Someone who sees a person first. Not just a person, though - because as much as you don't see patterns when you don't see colors, you don't see patterns when you don't see gender.
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