I quit Bluesky. So now I'm just here.

#sad

It just occurred to me how rarely I take pictures of people nowadays. Before the internet I took candid photos all the time - as I love people watching. The stolen moments were just for my own photo albums/travel journals, so it felt ok... ish.

Now, my shots are empty, people less, or the people are background only, hopefully unrecognisable...

This digital age is already too intrusive and to me it feels wrong... but it makes me #sad and I just realised, more disconnected somehow...

I wrote "Happy First Contact Day" to my in-laws. It was in jest. They're Catholic. They know about as little about Star Trek as someone with the vaguest notion of pop culture can.

You see, I tend to send them humor that they don't understand. At first, that wasn't by design. Now, it's humor that I know they won't understand.

Today, I suddenly realized that, now, it's an unconsciously sardonic, passive aggresive, and even perhaps cruel habit of mine.

I often feel like an alien, among my in-laws; their interests and topics of conversation and day to day lives have been foreign to me for over a decade.

Sometimes, it even feels like they try to evoke that feeling in me. Yet that's almost certainly my own dysfunctional adaptive reading of them; they can be challenging people but are generally kind.

When I send them humor, where their initial reaction is ❓❓❓then, for once, maybe they feel like the aliens. Maybe, in a way, they can feel a little of what it's like to be me. Otherwise, they don't ever seem to understand.

When that all hit me, a few minutes ago, the day just became too real.

#actuallyautistic #actuallyaudhd #sad