Father’s Day cut short

When I was on the train and the rain was passing, it provided hints of blue sky, I hoped it was an analogy for how our circumstances are changing with time.

Life at the moment is absolutely not how I want things to be, but I’m grateful our day wasn’t cancelled and I got to smell you and hear your wonderful voice.

When I got ready and had porridge and coffee in the morning, I saw neighbours across the road together in bed. I dreaded the long journey and dragging the buggy across rail replacement buses, plus a bag stuffed with your portable potty. I wished that our lives could be like the family across the road.

With patience, I’m trying to build something like it for us.

Our day together

I received a message from your mum while the coach was setting off. My first thought was hoping you were a little late rather than our day being cancelled altogether. The message said you had a cold and she would want you to be back with her by 4. There was no room for seeing how the day went, only her usual obligatory tone.

I finally got to the shopping centre, 2 and a half hours after leaving home. The weather was much better. 10am passed so I waited at the corner to give me a view of the road into the distance. When you approached, I waved my arms and did a little dance to show how happy I was to see you on this special day.

I have a few options prepared for our time together. As it’s generally warmer, even with recent showers, the playground remains your favourite place to go. Most places are closed till later anyway.

After gaining a few wet patches on your bottom and building up an appetite we went for lunch. The Japanese restaurant is our trusty spot. I got us ramen, a chicken katsu, 2 gyozas and 2 octopus balls with sides of spring onions and soy sauce for dipping everything in. For the first time you chose to eat the takoyaki octopus balls. I even reminded you what you were eating and you carried on nibbling away. I hope we share these favourite dishes for the rest of our lives.

I thought it would be good to finish lunch with fruits and further snacks from M&S. You helped me pick the items while easing into a snooze. It wasn’t long till we left the hustle and bustle and I did loops around back streets to avoid too much noise while you recharged. I used the opportunity to call my mum, creating a moment with a slight thread of connection between the 3 of us.

Our afternoon

The rest of our day flashed by so quickly. The routine spots I like to make use of took up all the time, leaving nothing spare.

With my knowledge of the area and your habits, I could predict when you’d wake up and ensure it would be near The Cake Cafe which is also close to the playground.

This time we could enjoy the outdoor seating they set up across the road and have our babychino/coffee date with fruits from the supermarket.

As time passes during our time together, the feeling I get is hard to describe. Perhaps it’s like a pressure combined with sadness. The physical part being the result of the sadness. It’s because unlike the other families surrounding us, I can’t adjust our plans if you’re having fun or just go home if the weather’s looking bad.

I have no alternative than to take shelter at a museum or shops when it’s bad weather or when we’re having fun to cut it short. It all sets me up to fail.

Early handover

When we make our way to the shopping centre, we chat a bit and that’s where you reveal that aunties Ellen and Jane have been with you. Ellen is obviously over from abroad for your other auntie’s wedding.

The fact is, today you weren’t behaving like you were unwell. You ran, jumped and giggled about normally.

Your mum has the power to say whatever she likes and will get the benefit of the doubt.

A harsh reminder as our day comes to an end, if she wants to keep you with her, any excuse will do.

The court order is unenforceable and her lies are effortless.

Next week I won’t see you because I agreed to swap the weekend so you could be the flower girl at your auntie’s wedding.

I’ll ask for a photo as I’m sure you’ll look the most beautiful there. I won’t hold my breath for it though.

Warmth in temperature and in our love

As excited as I felt, I also had an uneasy feeling that something would scupper our day ahead.

Last night I was restless while your things waited packed and ready by the door. I would need to be up by 7am to get the rail replacement on time. At least the weather forecast seemed to be nice – cloudy but warm. A picnic could be on the cards.

At 6:45 I was checking my phone to see if an overnight cancellation message from your mum had arrived and once I saw no updates I moved on to wish my friends a successful run at the Downham Half Marathon event.

The following weeks are extremely unsettling for me. The anniversary of when you were taken away is soon, memories of the same time from a couple of years ago show how your mum was scheming against me and preparing to betray you by trying to take me out of the picture.

A couple of years ago, Sundays were just another day. An opportunity to have a big day out or just a quiet one at home. There were no rules, now it’s our court-mandated day. Rain or shine I have to make the most of the precious little time we have to create happy memories and bond in a situation horribly created by your mum where it can go weeks without me seeing you.

Our Sunday

It was an early start so I had already prepared everything but still spent too long deciding if I should take things out of my day bag and reduce the weight. I’m obviously getting old as the weight of the buggy and your things tends to leave me with a backache for a few days after.

Once I had breakfast and got dressed I headed out to get the train to Elm Street station. I hate train works but at least I can still get to you. The messages saying the trains were still at City Square station made me a little nervous but with more time the train made it to the station and I could get on to Coleford, from there a bus and from there a half hour walk. 3 hours later I reached you at the handover point as the day’s warmth started taking over from the cold shadows.

Greeting you and your beautiful face

As your mum arrived and cycled onto the pavement I made big waving hand gestures. Sometimes you’re slow during the handover, understandably probably preferring to stay indoors in the warmth. Today though, you had a huge smile and waved back enthusiastically. My heart melted… it is exactly the kind of meet I dream of.

You rush to get out of the carrier and make conversation with me. Before you’ve had the chance to take your cycle helmet off, you sweetly say ‘daddy’s my friend’. I feel overwhelmed with such a beautiful moment.

It was an idyllic start to our day instantly giving me a boost better than coffee.

The rest of our morning

The day looked to be comfortable outside, although still chilly in the wind. Summer is almost here but it’s being a little shy.

On our way to the play park we spent a while around the memorial in the park blossoming with beautiful flowers too pretty for you not to focus your attention on! I helped you reach a few higher up ones, to pick petals and we spoke about how bees need the flowers, so we should try not to pick too many. You’re a proper little person, I’m delighted with our conversations, fully engaged chatting together like old friends. It really is beautiful.

Once you had fistfuls of flowers from across the memorial it was time to walk across to the play park, where with the longer court-mandated time, I knew you would be able to enjoy without rushing.

Lunch back at our old place

I wanted to get some bits and bobs for a picnic so we headed to M&S nearby earlier than our usual lunch time, oddly they didn’t seem to have the usual items so I made use of our visit by getting a croissant and fruits for the afternoon. You told me you wanted the croissant so I took that as you being particularly hungry, my gorgeous growing girl, so I gave you a third as an appetiser for a proper lunch. I thought the comfort food at the Japanese place would be good for filling your belly and helping you take a long nap, so we went there, just like when you were a baby and without the need for a high chair, or much encouragement to eat, I was able to simply give you the choice of noodles or rice then get a place and let you scoff away on your own.

To my surprise you handled the chopsticks really well, it’s super impressive and I guess a bit like the Asian kids that probably learn chopsticks instead of knives and forks! We had a lovely time, no stress, no rush and fully enjoyed our meal and time there before heading out.

As usual, you didn’t want to have a nap straight away, with our longer day this isn’t an issue so we went back to the park for more time in the warmth amongst the flowers and other children. Eventually you started to get a little cranky, bless you. So I was able to speak to you like an adult and remind you a nap would help you feel better and we could play later. Willingly you popped yourself in the buggy for a longer nap. I hope this summer we can settle in the shade and sleep cosy together, you will be perfectly safe in my protection.

Afternoon warmth

The rest of our day was just as lovely as the morning. You napped and we arrived back at The Cake Cafe that we went to last time but this visit we stayed for the babychino.

Afterwards, I made a base for us between the memorial flowers and play park with plenty of shade and a more discreet space for the portable potty.

We ran about filling the space with giggles. I had a packed bag of toys and activities and we made use of most of them! As groups of friends saw you with a smile bigger than the Cheshire Cat, they awwed and complimented how cute you are.

The approach of 5pm brought our idyllic time together to an end. I wanted to pick up something from the shopping centre so we popped in a few minutes before I would step outside and hand you back to your mum. While I was at the till paying, the colourful gift cards caught your attention and like a magpie you went and collected the ones you liked. I laughed and told you you’d need to put them back but you were adamant about keeping them all. This was a time for a little lesson, that we couldn’t keep everything from the shops we wanted. I suggested you put some back but again you were adamant. Ultimately these gift cards have no value without being loaded with credit so I decided not to be strict and potentially upset you seconds before handing you back to your mum.

More unpleasant handovers

As with pretty much every single handover, your mum darkened the mood by complaining that you shouldn’t have kept the gift cards. Your big smile and radiation of joy from our time together taken away with a pointless telling off.

I didn’t want to get more hostilities from your mum by spending too much time saying goodbye so I gave you a kiss on your most perfect little head and started making my way.

Our last moment was just as the day started. I made big waving and kissing gestures and told you I love you many many times.

I hate crossing the road at this point, not knowing how long it would be till my lips kiss your head next.

Missing you already

It doesn’t matter how perfect our day could go, the feeling of being separated will never feel ok. This year a lot has changed and will settle into a new flow for the years ahead.

I’ve only got a few more occasions where I will visit you in River Town to spend the day together under the allowance of the court. At the least, they will be warmer and hopefully just as great as this one gone by.

It’s sad to think that River Town will probably be a painful memory for the rest of my life. A representation of our separation and hurt.

At this point in the day I start my journey home, it’ll be another 3 hours till I’m home packing up your stuff and putting things away ready for our next time together. 3 hours of dragging the buggy across buses, trains, tube and finally home.

It’s been an exhausting day but perfect between 5 past 10 and 5 to 5. Our next time together will be this weekend unless your mum breaks us apart again. I can’t wait for us to have a bath together and I hope it will be warm enough to give you lots of opportunity to play with water on the balcony.

I love you so much it’s hard not squeezing you too tight every time I see you.

😀 This made me laugh a lot when I saw it. #PreciousMoments #FunkoPop #FunkoPops

Text above picture: Old people Funko Pops

Picture is of a shelf full of various Precious Moments figurines.

https://www.instagram.com/p/DO5tKVKCGRa/?igsh=MWV6NTh4aXB4aWF2bQ==

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Jumping bean, a day in our neighbourhood

We played lots today. Being at home and in the neighbourhood is so simple but also my favourite.

I’ve been thinking about our time together all week. For lunch, I thought I’d give the Asian style tofu a go again, as you liked it last time when Olivia made us lunch.

Your mum dropped you off which, I was really happy about because we’d have as much of the 11-4 as possible. She was with a woman, I don’t know who and how well you know her. To avoid issues I don’t ask, I’m not able to even ask who you’re spending time with.

Together at home

You make your way inside with increasing familiarity, there are a still a few parts that you don’t remember like navigating inside the building, but once inside your home I’m pleased you know your way around and immediately roam like you’re the boss. This usually means exploring the balcony, an obsession equal during winter or summer! I make sure to wipe down the balcony so you can explore freely and not get too mucky from the dust and spiderwebs!

Once settled, I wanted to get a few bits from my bedroom so you followed me in and ran around to the curtains to play and hide. Your joyful face while you hide and I overreact to you revealing yourself is exactly what I thought being a dad would be like. Olivia joined in and we entertained your game, or perhaps you were entertaining our reactions.

We jumped about in bed including me helping you do a rolypoly. I remember when you were too delicate to hold leaning over and now you’re the one jumping wildly!

A local afternoon

After your nap we went to the coffee shop nearby, for a snack and babyccino. These little things are the weekend’s dream. Having fun in the warm weather and making the most of the local amenities.

Still with lots of energy I thought it would be best to go into the courtyard where the shade kept us safely away from the sun and minimal time would be lost travelling around.

Our last games of the day

A delivery box about your size became the last game of our day. It’s true what they say about fancy toys. Sometimes kids are more interested in the box than the toy.

Ahead of your mum collecting you, I went through the routine of ensuring you had a fresh nappy for the journey home, a good sip of water and was full of kisses.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1BMtOdxWb3g4Xzl1BaG9pA?si=q2ro2ZQ2RW-dCC0gnPz0pg

#dad #dadLife #dadTime #daughter #family #familyCourt #father #fatherSRights #fatherhood #missYou #parenting #preciousMoments #timeTogether #timeWithDaddy #withYou

Today, we witnessed a truly magical scene as Maxiyabanci, Euphorbia, and a playful leopard cub came together! 🐾✨

Their bond is a beautiful reminder of the wonders of nature and friendship. Here’s to cherishing these special moments! ❤️

#NatureLovers #Wildlife #PreciousMoments #Maxiyabanci #Euphorbia #LeopardCub

WATCH THAT TAIL !! Fred Tiger is far too content relaxing in his freshly cleaned pool to play his usually stalk and pounce game with staff.

#pooltime #poolparty #tiger #tigers #bigcats #watch #cutecat #cuteness #preciousmoments #relaxingvideos #TCWR #TurpentineCreek #GFAS #GlobalFederationAnimalSanctuaries #RescueToRefuge #Sanctuary #BigCat #Cats #refuge

Good morning, everyone! Say hello to Beacher, the #ADORABLE savannah cat, who can’t help but purr for his close-up! He’s happily listening to the charming sounds of the early morning birds.

#TCWR #TurpentineCreek #GFAS #GlobalFederationAnimalSanctuaries #RescueToRefuge #Sanctuary #BigCat #Cats #refuge #savannah #savannahcat #purring #perfectday #Cureness #cutecat #preciousmoments #morning #goodmorning #morningroutine #morningwalk #morningmotivation #morningvibes #morninginspiration #hello