That well needed “push”

Or rather: a loving gentle nudge... (preferably by my furry soulmate, who unfortunately can't nudge anymore... 😢). Those of you who have been following my blog, and maybe my Mastodon account as well, will know all about the journey I've been on for the last several months... For those of you who just "stumbled" upon this post, I can just say: it's been very emotional, very traumatizing, and very challenging. A bad car accident on my birthday, which involved my parents. Surgery. My hip dislocated and I needed extra surgery. A few days later, my furry soulmate passed away. The trauma of the dislocation, loss of Arwen, and the extreme pain that was involved after the second surgery... Well, I struggled. I still struggle. I've been dealing with Autistic 🤯 Burnout, Covid-19, and bad nightmares (that seem to be cPTSD related, but I never had an official diagnosis for that, but the nightmares and feelings that overtake me do indicate it). And now... I'm trying to recover... And it's super hard... 😔 […]

https://cynnisblog.wordpress.com/2025/11/01/that-well-needed-push/

Journal – Week 43, October 2025

It's been quite a week. I tried to push myself to get some exercises in, but also focused on getting proper rest as well. Some appointments, like physio, some grocery shopping, like going to Germany to get things for my parents and myself, and some hard garden work with my bestie. The weather was a lot like my emotional state of mind... Some moments, there was sun, others there was rain, we definitely had times where there was quite a bit of wind (of course when we were working in the garden with the anti root fabric). But we were fortunate that the Friday turned out to be less wet than the prediction had forecast at the start of the week. Colder, wetter, less sun... I guess autumn weather really arrived now. Though I do hope for some good weather this Friday, as bestie was/is supposed to come over and help me with the garden work... 🤞🏻 Quick links to the days of the week: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday & Sunday. […]

https://cynnisblog.wordpress.com/2025/10/28/journal-week-43-october-2025/

“Just rest a little longer”

Exhausted. Running on fumes. Going to bed, getting some sleep that, normally, should help to regain some energy again. But I start the day, and even when my "day" has just begun, I can't seem to find the energy to get some exercises in. I try, and it feels so hard. Something that I normally love to do. It feels like it's too difficult for me now. It brings me no joy, just frustration. "I should do this better, I should do this more, I'm neglecting all these exercises that I know I should do". Autistic burnout and Covid-19 both share a symptom, a few even... I did "the bad thing" and I asked AI to help me with some info on the symptoms that these two have in common. I know I could have used the mighty Duck 🦆, and I know AI is not smart and all knowing... But when your head feels like it's not "all there", it can be helpful to not need to check out all these sites on autistic burnout and Covid (and be pestered due to my ad-blocker)... I will copy the info it gave me, because it could be helpful... […]

https://cynnisblog.wordpress.com/2025/10/24/just-rest-a-little-longer/

'Cuddle therapist' explains why so many of us are touch starved, and what to do about it

https://fed.brid.gy/r/https://www.upworthy.com/cuddle-therapy-touch-starvation

Journal – Week 42, October 2025

What a week it's been... Started feeling bläh due to the aftermath of the Covid-19 infection. I started feeling better on Tuesday, after two long nights of sleep. A shorter night after that, followed by an awefully long day. But... Hopefully the long day was all worth it... A more relaxing day on Thursday, with an earlier bedtime to try and catch up on some missed sleep. I started at the gym again, as I felt almost as good a before the virus, and I really missed the gym. The visit to my friends, and getting Skoosh' new shoes, had been postponed, as we didn't want to risk anything, seeing my friends have some health issues as well. The weekend was mostly me feeling like I was failing, because I was resting a lot, while I had wanted to do this and that... But recovering from both an autistic burnout and Covid-19 also means needing more rest... Several gray days, not too cold during the day (for October), slowly getting a bit colder during the nights... Seeing I have spent several of those days in isolation, it wasn't too bad weather to be confined at home with, I guess... Quick links to the days of the week: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday & Sunday. […]

https://cynnisblog.wordpress.com/2025/10/21/journal-week-42-october-2025/

Journal – Week 41, October 2025

What a week! Monday I had to place another phone call as the heat pump's pressure was gone again... Tuesday wasn't too bad, until I had a meltdown when things went wonky due to a late appointment for that stupid pump. Wednesday and Thursday went OK enough, I was just a bit grouchy as I didn't feel that good, mostly mentally (although I was still feeling exhausted as well). Friday was a long day, with the dentist, an extra physio appointment, and some guys coming to dig up the garden, again due to the heat pump. Saturday was OK enough, but I started feeling a bit off... Mum texted me and that possibly explained why I wasn't feeling too good either. On Sunday, yeah, I did another test and I felt so rubbish... I got Covid19 for the second time, and it messed up so much... (including some plans that I had been looking forward to for over a month). Ugh... While it seems we will have some warmer days again, and less rain, it's getting less sunny... Let's hope there will be some good moments to start taking away some of the weeds 🌿 (edit: nope, didn't happen...). Quick links to the days of the week: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday & Sunday. […]

https://cynnisblog.wordpress.com/2025/10/14/journal-week-41-october-2025/

Loving support ❤️

One needs some support every now and then. It can be something simple, like needing someone to listen to your latest struggle with some issues you've been dealing with. It can be the support of taking someone to some stores so they can get their groceries more easily. It can be to spend time behind a screen, trying to set up something your parents need on their laptops... I may not have had the best relationships. I realize that often, I gave more than I received back... But there were times I was getting the support I needed. They would join me at the gym. They would help me with housework. They would help me with medical visits and issues. I may have given them way more, as I didn't know that I didn't always have to do all they asked me to... 😔 But now, when I deal with autistic burnout, and while Arwen's passing is still a big grief source for me... I feel lonely and weakened. And I struggle to ask for help, because I always feel like I am a burden to those I ask it from... 😢 […]

https://cynnisblog.wordpress.com/2025/10/11/loving-support-%e2%9d%a4%ef%b8%8f/