That post about #PeoplePleasing I put up yesterday? Here's an article that deals with the topic far better than I did.

However, I prefer to call it "placation" rather than "fawning". Seems like a less loaded word.

https://www.heyasd.com/blogs/autism/autistic-fawning

#Autism #Neurodivergent #Trauma

#Today #3Things

1. Goat enclosure is finished enough to move the #goats into it, and it's really nice to see the babies jumping around. They have an 8m x 30m grass/brush slope with a big shelter at the top and lots of trees for shade. Final works Monday to reinforce the fence and rustproof the gate.

2. I need to stop saying yes to junk food when wife is in town and texts "shall I get you a Jollibee on the way home?" The taste in the moment is nice but I always suffer afterwards. Maybe it's MSG or maltodextrin but I always end up horribly bloated and uncomfortable for at least 2 hours. Why don't I ever, ever learn from this? Is that my #ADHD?

3. This morning I was moved to make a long post about #neurodivergent #peoplepleasing but I think I posted at the wrong time of day for my usual audience... so here's the link to it.

https://ieji.de/@drewph/116700331419323854

#PeoplePleasing when you're #neurodivergent...

Sometimes a response to complex, prolonged trauma. Sometimes part of #masking in an attempt to reduce #RSD or #autistic #anxiety "in the moment". It's essentially a panic reaction (or so it seems to me), and is probably the result of years of harsh judgement from NTs.

I did it my whole life but didn't realise until I read Pete Walker's book on #CPTSD (I have other issues with that book but it helped me at the time).

It's insidious and damaging. You often don't realise you're doing it. You risk losing your own identity and becoming just a reflection of others. And, of course, attempting to please everyone is simply impossible and you end up making even fewer people happy than before - and you'll almost certainly be unhappy yourself.

It's good to sense the currents (if *everyone* seems to have the same view of your actions, you should perhaps at least try to work out why), but reacting to every rock dropped in the water is just playing whack-a-mole with yourself - or letting others play whack-a-mole with you.

Long post... but I see people trying to change tack as a result of one instance of negative feedback, making themselves miserable in the process, and all my years of pain make it a massive trigger for me so I can't keep quiet.

In summary:

"To thine own self be true"

- Someone, I forget who. Shakespeare? Obi-wan Kenobi? I'm sure someone will know.

   
1LIVE Intimbereich:
Weibliche Wut: Zu laut, zu emotional, zu viel? (45 Minuten)

In dieser Folge spricht Catrin mit Pädagogin Danijela Klich über weibliche Wut - und warum sie Frauen oft schon früh abtrainiert wird. Warum gelten wütende Frauen schnell als 'zu emotional', 'anstrengend' oder 'unangemessen'? Und was passiert, wenn man lernt, die eigene Wut NICHT immer runterzuschlucken?
https://www1.wdr.de/mediathek/audio/1live/f__k-forward/audio-weibliche-wut-zu-laut-zu-emotional-zu-viel-100.html

#Podcast #1live #1liveIntumbereich #WeiblicheWut #Emotionen #PeoplePleasing #TonePolicing #Neurodivergenz #Impulskontrolle #Autismus #ADHS

Why hiding your true self slowly erodes your mental health — and what psychology research reveals about the real cost of keeping quiet.
#authentic #beyourself #selfimprovement #mentalhealth #personalgrowth #selfawareness #vulnerability #mindset #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #boundaries

https://grfoundersclub.co.za/the-hidden-costs-of-not-being-authentic/?utm_source=mastodon&utm_medium=jetpack_social

A thing I find very frustrating is that when someone is a people pleaser and ends up in a situation where another person is taking advantage of that, the victim is often treated like they’re the one at fault rather than the person doing the taking advantage.

You see it all the time on AITA. “OP, YTA because you let them take advantage of you and said yes even though you didn’t want to.”

But it’s pretty well understood that when someone is a people pleaser, there’s usually a psychological reason for it. It’s often a compulsion rooted in how they were raised or in pre-existing trauma. Yes, it’s something people can work on in therapy, but that doesn’t mean they can entirely control it overnight.

So where do people get off acting like the person struggling with that compulsion is morally at fault, while the person knowingly benefiting from it is somehow absolved of wrongdoing?

It honestly just feels cruel. Like people who don’t live in that psychological state want to punish those of us who struggle to say no because of trauma, and then treat that punishment as morality.

#trauma #peoplepleasing

Spui „da“ când ai vrea să spui „nu“? Nu e lipsă de curaj, e un tipar învățat.
Limitele nu te îndepărtează de oameni, te apropie de tine.

🔗 https://buff.ly/du6ReBx
#LimitePersonale #PeoplePleasing #Psihologie #AutonomieEmoțională #PaginaDePsihologie