My blog, my content, my blog world.

Believe What You Will!

See nobody matters when it comes to my blog but me.  I may or may not tell the truth.  I may lie and create lines of false and fake content.  So what you believe is down to you.  In the night is when Paul1576 bites!

There Is Only One

It’s so true and because I am me I need to not care what people think and do my own thing.  I can write anything I want.  I appreciate my following and they do good with me by reading my blog. 

Can I Play With Madness

Sure can! Sometimes it takes a crazy fool to create and write – just look at my dream maker universe stories – full of nudity, action and ideas.  So be very careful what you believe on my blog as my ideas can spring into a sea of imagination where nothing is as it seems! 

Be Careful

There is a nuclear girl around and she has a way with me that may go BOOM! Perhaps my real destiny is to be alone and do my own thing forever – rock n roll me!  But hey watch where you are pointing your eyes as we wouldn’t want my nuclear girl getting ready to explode! I would not want her jealousy making her angry 💢😡(Despite her been beautiful when she is!)

Weekend

So I need to concentrate on my weekend.  I must make a great noise with my guitar.  What shall it be a love song? A fantasy song? Maybe a combination of both!  Maybe I will do a nuclear metal love song! Fast and furious! Anyway we will see! Have a great weekend and rock n roll! And may my destiny come true!

https://paul1576.uk/2024/03/30/hey/

#Blog #general #NuclearLove #Paul1576 #weekend

This post is just that a mixed bag.

My Latest YouTube Video

I recorded a noise today and had some guitar and song making fun! Here is the video:

A Poem

The beauty of a girl

The shadow of a monster

The love of a dream

That I can’t keep any longer

The loss of a friend

Her loss is my gain

The women who looks

Does she want a part in my book?

The love that I let go

She really doesn’t know?

The women who looks

Does she play a part in my story?

The beauty of me!

The dancer dances still

The love of a dream

That changed at my will

The beauty of me!

The alien dragon lives

The wishes from years ago

Fading into the wind.

The Fight Within Me

I really am fighting to carry on as me and trying my best to be happy despite how people have tried to bring me down. I fight as I always have, to fight, to battle my disabilities but to also stand up for what I believe in and to keep been me. Its hard to go against what people see as normal which to me is certainly not normal. I see the lives of people and how selfish, nasty and thoughtless many people are. Laughing about things that I would cry about, making jokes out of sad events and sadly gossiping about other people lives and yet not realising that its their own lives and what they do that they should be more concerned about. Been so stupid about the smallest of things and spreading as much shit around to fill several football stadiums! Some people are that toxic you could lay waste to a whole city if that toxic waste they carry around were to burst. Hell I see the world completely different than most people do and I see a world covered in blood, stupidity, anger and bullshit. So many people getting manipulated and controlled by so many factions, they really do not see how much they are brainwashed do they? Take Putin for example – how could any sane human actually support him, want to be friends with him and even look him in the eye – he is a murderer, a man who has shattered so many lives for so many people not just in Ukraine but also in his own country – sending his citizens to death for no good reason and giving people orders to kill without an ounce of guilt. He really is probably the worst human on the planet, he is worse than any child molester or any rapist as he has murdered men, women and children and allowed his soldiers to commit the worst crimes on earth since the world wars. He truly is the worst evil alive today. And don’t get me started on Israel and Hamas and that… more evil in the world.

Anyway I fight to be me and there is only one me and me needs to go and do other things so thanks for reading and take good care.

https://paul1576.uk/2024/03/19/a-mixed-bag/

#Evil #life #love #News #Nosie #Paul1576 #people #poem #Poetry #toxic #World #YouTube

There is only one me

I write a song ye see

It’s gone wrong wee!

Making a noise baby!

Is so fun woo!

You better run haha

There is only one me

I write a noise ye see

It’s top class for me

Making a noise woo!

Is so fun woo!

https://paul1576.uk/2024/03/15/is-so-fun/

#crazy #guitar #music #Paul1576 #Song

So lots of my poetry and my songs are about love. There has been a reason behind this.

What Is The Reason

Since the nineteen sixties around sixty-five to seventy percent of all popular songs have been about love and relationships, also songs about sex and sexual desire accounts for between eighteen to forty-one percent. For the period after the year 2000 64.6% of songs have been about love and relationships while a staggering 41.7% have been about sex and sexual desires. After those two subjects you have songs about music/musicians, dance/dancing and good times/ partying. With love and sex themed songs dominating the music industry what else would I write about?

My Poetry And Music

My poetry and music are heavily linked to each other, both serve the purpose for me in expressing myself and being creative in my own way. While I wasn’t making my music I was creating my poetry instead which pretty much contained the same kind of content that I would write with my music. Of course with both my poetry and my music I tend to add a fantasy element in there as well as space themed content as that is what I like and love. So me writing and making music about love is pretty much doing the same thing that the majority of writers, groups and stars are doing with their work.

My Own Influences

The subjects that have always influenced me are rock, fantasy, metal and space and my love for the likes or IronMaiden, Guns and Roses and gaming have played in huge part in both my writing and my songs. Of course not all my songs and my writing are about love as some are about other more fantasy type topics. The music industry churns out same old, same old songs about the same old subjects while I feel I can create different stuff, of course I am just been me and in no way after any fame or anything as I just like to be me and do me things. Lots of rock and metal bands write songs about other subjects and are very successful like Megadeth, Judas priest and of course IronMaiden. So all in all perhaps its time I changed my writing to other subjects as perhaps I have done too much of the same old thing that the music industry does.

My Rose Garden Songs

The titles of all the songs on my YouTube playlist are listed at the bottom of my blog and most are about love and can be found on YouTube. The one song in which I really let go and made some striking comments about the world in which we live in got age-restricted because of my swearing and yet its okay for famous stars to create songs about sex, drugs, crime and swear as well! But hey I have heard plenty of good rock and metal songs that use the same swear words that I have used so no worries to YouTube’s over zealous censorship of my song. Anyway I will be making some new content for my blog and making more noise and songs but perhaps its time I switched to other subjects than love now, its far too overdone by the world and by myself. Anyway thanks for reading and rock on!

https://paul1576.uk/2024/03/15/the-reasons-i-write-about-love/

#Creative #life #love #music #noise #Paul1576 #Poetry

I am sat on the bench that mum and I used to chat at.  It’s been a very rough week emotionally as I have thrown most of my mums things away.  I can’t just keep loads and loads of things that I will never use, the worst been mums paintings that were really good but what was I ever going to do with them.  So hard and yet:

I Have To Let Go

I have to just let go of the past and move on, what’s done is done and try to get on with thinking about myself and what I need to be doing.  It’s so hard, not a day goes by without mum entering my thoughts.  I wanted so much to meat someone and have a girlfriend who could meet my mum before she died and that failed because girls were messing with me and not genuine in their interest.  All they really did was mess my head up so much that I ended up struggling with my mental health.  I have to let go of not just what happened with my mum at the end but I have to let go of what these bloody girls did to me.  I have to live a little differently with my approach to life. 

A Focused Approach

Okay well this post was started two days ago, I suppose I should Finnish it.  The features image is pretty much the last of my mums stuff.  Most of the things in the skip with loads to charity too.  Mother’s day was rough and I ended up so low and crying n that but I still somehow sorted so much stuff out ready to get rid of today.  More sorting today before I cracked on with skip trips and charity shop visits.  To be honest I will probably avoid charity shops from now on, I really do not want to be seeing my mums stuff again.  It’s been. A challenging time but I am proud of what I have achieved this week.  My focused approach is just to concentrate on what’s important now which is my health, my work, my children and doing the things that I enjoy like making a noise with my guitar, blogging and gaming.  Girls, women are just not important to me anymore, they can’t meet my mum now and I really don’t need anyone complicating my life.   I am about to complete my last song on what I am calling my new album and then I may work more on my blog and look at new subjects for both my blog and  my future songs.  I also still need to start creating a new world ready for my new writing.  Lots going on and at some time this year or next I will have to move out of my mums house which will be hard to do.  Anyway thanks for reading. 

https://paul1576.uk/2024/03/11/so-here-i-am-again/

#Grief #life #Paul1576 #Personal #SelfImprovement

I just do not get why some people cannot be open and honest with me. It is very, very confusing.

I am not a mind reader

So giving me looks, stares, smiles without saying anything just confuses me and harms my mental health. I end up with lots of anxiety, confusion and then it goes round and round in my head and gets to me in a bad way. Its the same as when people have constantly taken the piss out of me all the time and it ends up been bullying because it really effects my life in a bad way. I can’t read minds and I find it very hard to work out exactly what on earth people are playing at by doing this kind of thing. Its like they are playing charades but not very good at it.

Why not just talk to me?

Of course the only real reason why people who do this kind of thing and decide not to talk to me is that their taking the piss and playing games with me. I hate people who play games.

Open And Honest

A normal genuine person would be open and honest with me and communicate with me. I don’t bite and I can talk. If a person isn’t open and honest with me I will just presume that you are taking the piss and playing games with me.

November Girl

I still wonder what her idea was when she and her friends started all this. I fell out with my ex and then it all started with looks and questions. If they had done nothing then none of the problems of the last year and three months or so would have happened. If she had been honest with me and told me why she was looking at me and why her friends were asking all the questions then we could have talked about it sensibly like two adults. She knew and her friends knew about how hard my life was at the time with my mum having cancer and how I had fallen out and left the ex and moved back in with my mum, so why the games? I mean what on earth happened? One minute, one day, one week November girl was just a girl I saw sometimes who seemed nice and that was all and the next minute, day, week I was being watched my her and her friends. They didn’t like me going and talking to any other girls either, so what gives? What was this game-plan?

As soon as I decided that I liked a women who wasn’t November girl – that’s when the problems began. Was their lie spreading and getting all these girls to stare at me a payback because I liked another women that wasn’t her? I mean November girl was never honest with me and never talked to me, she just looked at me all the time and stared and I never once told her that I liked her in any way.

The women who I did like turned out to be happily married and I did talk to her and did tell her that I liked her and she was the only women I have told that I liked since November 2022. Wow this is turning out to be a very honest post in the middle of a post about honesty lol. So I got bullied just because I stopped looking back at the girl who was always staring?

So they just told everyone to stare at me causing me mental harm and confusing me just because I didn’t fit in with whatever was their game-plan?

I will never post the name of any girl I like in a blog and will only ever actually tell that person face to face which I did might I add. So all in all only one girl was ever liked by me since November 2022 and she should remember that but she clearly told me that she was happily married.

The Mentality Of Others

I think its fair to say that a number of people I see around just go around talking to others, listening to others and then what they hear also gets in their head and then they start acting oddly with me. The way people just believe lies, spread lies and never question lies is unreal. I posted a lot of crap all over my blogs just to make a blog post and yet people believe everything I write even when its just fantasy or some of anxiety driven thoughts getting all mixed up. I could post now a lie that I have turned gay and then I would get all the looks and men probably staring at me. Blogging, social media, everything online is just that, online and its not real life. My internet name of Paul1576 is just that my internet name, my brand but I do not go by the name of Paul1576 in real life. This post is just a post online with some of my thoughts on it. I do not go online to eat, drink and live my life, that is an entirely different world.

Conclusion

I prefer people to be open and honest with me and just talk to me rather than stare at me or give me signals without talking to me. November girl and her friends are just more people who effected my life in a bad way. I only liked one girl since November 2022. My blog is part of my Paul1576 brand and is not my real life. I am in my real life typing this post and that’s as real as it gets.

https://paul1576.uk/2024/02/28/all-i-ever-ask-for-is-honesty/

#Blog #girls #Honesty #life #love #Paul1576 #Personal

So after the last post I did another song in the same way.

The Last Song

I sang with emotion and I did get a little bit upset and I must say that my swearing was about certain people who messed with me but not all. Really my bad words were about the people who caused me the most problems and hurt. I was very, very upset singing a song about me missing my mum and I am sure any normal human being would understand this.

This Song

Well this song is less emotional and a love song but I still have the same issues as last time with my broken guitar lead and that. I didn’t get the right volume on the guitar either and I also did this is one take, first time with about a five mins chord work out first. The solo is rubbish, my singing isn’t as good as the last one but I am not feeling too good today. But hey I am at least back playing guitar and making a racket which is a good sign. I may redo this song at some stage when I have my new metal pedal and a new lead etc. and the time.

Here Is The Video:

https://paul1576.uk/2024/02/25/your-my-magic/

#Destiny #guitar #love #magic #music #noise #Paul1576 #rock

I pulled my guitar out for the first time in about a year and three months and made do with what I had.

My Guitar

I have old strings on, only one effects pedal working(Compressor) and a broken guitar lead so I was using a very short one which kept coming out the pedal.

The Song

The song was wrote down and I read from the paper it was wrote on as I sang but then I kind of lost it emotionally and with the frustration of the guitar lead coming out I kind of went into angry couldn’t care less mode. I was struggling to sing the words and broke down a little with some of them. Take in to account this was the first time in so long singing and playing and singing about my dead mum and how the girls messed with me making everything leading up to my mums death harder. This was the only take, a first time try but with it came all the emotions, frustrations, memories and hurt. Perhaps this will help me move on with everything. And sorry girls but you all really hurt me while I was having the worst time of my life and not one of you even gave me a sorry? You were constantly staring at me giving me so much confusion and hurt and one of you went to extremes to make it look like you loved me. You should never mess around with someone like this. One of you I felt sure that I was meant to be with and now I have no idea. I suppose if I do ever get with someone then ill write that loving song for them.

Here Is The Video:

https://paul1576.uk/2024/02/24/first-time-for-a-long-time-playing-guitar-and-singing/

#arts #guitar #life #music #Paul1576 #singing #Song #songs

Now I am just going to write a small list about myself and list how a person, if they did actually like me should behave with me and what they should expect. I am not writing this as some desperate plea for attention, or to attract girls but more of a information card type list and writing this is I suppose is a way for me to apply counselling to myself at the same time.

The Basic Facts

I am an adult with autism who was diagnosed late in life which explained all the struggles I have had my whole life.

I am 47 years old, 48 in April.

I have two grown up children, one girl aged 19 and a son coming up to 22.

I am on year 25 working for the same company where I have done many jobs including higher level paid jobs.

I am single and have never been married but engaged to be married twice.

How To Get To Know Me And What To Expect

Just talk to me like you would talk to a normal human being. I may be shy at first but the more contact you have with me the more open I will be.

Don’t expect me to approach you and talk to you if we have barely spoken much, if you want to talk with me it is best you make the effort more with me as I can struggle to approach people.

Don’t expect me to behave or talk the same as other people and sometimes I may say the wrong things. I am me but autism can effect my social interactions and all I can ever do is be myself.

Never expect me to want to talk in the middle of a group of people or at big social events. I love one on one chat and can handle small groups as long as I know them.

Always show respect to me and never try to manipulate me, play games with me or talk down to me.

I am far from stupid so don’t treat me like I am. I love a good intelligent conversation but be warned sometime I can go on a bit too much especially if its a subject I like. If I talk too much then do feel free to tell me that I am going on.

I can get all a bit silly, and random at times so never expect that I won’t just come out with crazy silly things as this kind of fun thing is in my nature.

I am not really into lies and gossip, so if you are going to tell me some gossip then please try and at least have some facts and truth about what you are telling me because I will see right through it and think worse of you.

I am not very good at reading a person’s facial expressions so if I am talking to you then can just just be honest with me and tell me if you don’t want to talk at that current time. I am not very good at reading a persons feelings and I may appear a bit insensitive at times. I do not mean to be.

I am a very good listener and you can talk away to me and ill do my best to understand but also I will give you my honest opinion which may or may not offend. I feel honesty is important and should be valued. I would rather be honest than just say something that wasn’t true.

I have a lot of empathy and the closer I am to someone the more I feel and care about them. When you make friends with me my loyalty will build up and I will care more about you.

I do not need stress and anxiety. I have a general anxiety issue as it is like most autistic people do so adding to that anxiety is not something I desire. I do not like conflict and arguments.

I am not very good with physical contact so please do not touch me unless I have known you a while. I am not very good at the basic social physical contact that non autistic people do so please respect that.

Do not expect me to get jokes and sarcasm straight away as often it can take me a bit to understand.

I can often appear like I am seeing through you or looking at you, this is because I see more detail in the world and I will often be looking at the background details. I see the world differently than non autistic people.

The Major Things Not To Do To Me

Please do not stare at me as it causes me lots of anxiety.

Please do not expect me to understand facial expressions, hand signals or other long distance communication and if you wish to communicate with me it is best close up in person.

Do not shout me from distance and expect me to know where you are shouting from as I can hear so much noise around me and struggle to block out background noises. I dislike shouting and it causes me anxiety.

Do not go around spreading lies about me as I will dislike you for this and never forgive you.

Taking the piss out of me behind my back will just upset me and give me more anxiety and cause me to hate you.

A Final Note

I am a loving, caring, loyal and a good person. I always have been and I always will be. I may have autism but I am me and I should be respected in the world like anyone else. It is not my fault if people do not understand autism.

A person does not need to even understand autism if they themselves behave in a good way. Its the actions of the non-autistic population that leads to problems with autistic people, not that different from the actions of people that led to racism. Good people will never have a problem with autistic people.

https://paul1576.uk/2024/02/23/me-and-what-to-expect/

#anxiety #autism #autistic #life #MentalHealth #Paul1576 #SelfImprovement

Look into my eyes, see the universe.

See into my mind, see the sun.

Powerful visions of destiny.

Surely you don’t want to run?

Look into my dreams, see the wishes.

See into my soul, see darkness.

Powerful visions of life.

Surely you see my madness?

Do not fall into the trap of winding lies.

Do not fall on the nails that lay before you.

Do not fail in seeing through my eyes,

because what I see is true.

Look into my heart, see love pouring like rain.

See into my desires, see passion flow.

Powerful visions of a dreaming man.

Surely you wont let my visions go?

Look into my actions, see goodness glow.

See into my dreams, see beauty through the pain.

Powerful visions of honesty.

Surely you wouldn’t place lies over truth?

Do not fall into the trap of a winding poison.

Do not fall on the spike that is under your feet.

So not fail in dodging the evil of the cowards,

because what I know is real.

Look forever into the heart of the only one,

there you will find the truth of love.

Look always into the dreams of the only one,

there you will see what is real hope.

Look for eternity into the soul of the only one,

there you will find your missing pieces.

Never stop learning,

you can change your ways,

and become a real man or a real women who can live in,

the only ones ways.

https://paul1576.uk/2024/02/21/the-only-ones-ways/

#life #love #Paul1576 #poem #Poetry #TheOnlyOne #ThereIsOnlyOne