Normal Island News
Britain left leaderless after Sir Keir Starmer does not resign as prime minister
In a stunning turn of events, Sir Keir Starmer has left the nation leaderless after he failed to offer his resignation as prime minister. As a result, we are now in the same position we have been in for the last 21 months, with no one bothering to govern the country and everyone else taking the blame for the prime minister’s shortcomings.
Normal Island News
Palantir publishes manifesto and unveils K-800 “Democracy Enforcer” prototype
In an unusual move for a corporation that we all thought was focused on philanthropy, Palantir Technologies has published its plans for global domination.
In a viral Twitter post, everyone’s favourite AI company unveiled its 22-point manifesto which reads like a digital Mein Kampf for Ketamine users who wear Patagonia vests.
Keir Starmer says he had no idea he was prime minister when Peter Mandelson was hired as ambassador
In a stunning admission, Sir Keir Starmer has revealed he had absolutely no clue he was prime minister when his old friend Peter Mandelson was appointed as ambassador to the US, last year.
“I was absolutely furious to discover I’d been prime minister for the last 21 months,” Starmer told a bewildered press conference outside Downing Street.
In a stunning admission, Sir Keir Starmer has revealed he had absolutely no clue he was prime minister when his old friend Peter Mandelson was appointed as ambassador to the US, last year.
“I was absolutely furious to discover I’d been prime minister for the last 21 months,” #Starmer told a bewildered press conference outside Downing Street. “Frankly, I’m baffled. Given that I haven’t made a single governing decision in that time, it came as a great shock when everyone started blaming me for hiring the Prince of Darkness.”
Normal Island News
President Trump warns Cuba just two weeks away from developing a nuclear weapon
Since losing the war in Iran, President Trump has been desperately searching for a war he can win to boost his approval ratings. His first choice of Greenland hit the unfortunate snag of being owned by a NATO country, so he has been looking for an easier target, preferably an island with lots of attractive females.
Normal Island News
Viktor Orbán crushed in Hungarian election after JD Vance's "helpful" endorsement somehow tanked his campaign
In a deeply upsetting moment for fascists everywhere, Viktor Orbán’s 16-year reign of terror came to a shuddering halt after his Fidesz party suffered a humiliating landslide defeat in Hungary’s parliamentary elections on Sunday.
In a deeply upsetting moment for fascists everywhere, Viktor Orbán’s 16-year reign of terror came to a shuddering halt after his Fidesz party suffered a humiliating landslide defeat in Hungary’s parliamentary elections on Sunday.
Normal Island News
Netanyahu relieved as peace talks collapse at "perfect moment", just before his corruption trial was set to resume
Benjamin Netanyahu is said to be delighted that peace talks between Iran and the US have collapsed, just as his corruption trial was set to resume. The Israeli prime minister is hopeful that his trial can once again be postponed on the basis that he is dead, I mean preoccupied by the war.
Normal Island News
Israel hugely concerned that ceasefire could lead to outbreak of peace in the Middle East
Benjamin Netanyahu has strongly objected to the “double-sided” ceasefire that the US has agreed with Iran. The Israeli prime minister said that expecting both sides to halt military operations represents a dangerous departure from his preferred model: the famous one-sided ceasefire.
#NormalIslandNews #satire #IsraelTerroristState #Lebanon #US #Iran
Bob Jamieson
Claire McNab
