I was sick of cheese sticking to the knife when I cut it, so I got a proper cutter.

I also stopped off at the fromagerie and picked up some quality cheeses to celebrate.

I got home, and with great ceremony opened a soft club cheddar. 36 months aged. I cut a slice - perfect, not a bit stuck to the cutter. Then I tasted it.

Bland. Blander than processed cheddar.

So I cut a piece of emmentaler. Nothing. The cracker had stronger flavour.

The same with the 5 year romano.

I broke a piece off the romano, and tasted it. Flavour exploded in my mouth, sharp and savoury. I cut a piece. Nothing. Broke a piece, heaven.

So I looked at the packaging of the cutter, and realised my mistake. I had purchased a Cheese Plain, not a Cheese Plane.

#microfiction #microfic #tootfic #IAmWriting #humour #dadjoke #shaggydog

Iris Part 16

Colin sat hunched over, apparently out of words.

Adele came over and handed him a mug of tea. He nodded a thank-you and breathed deeply from it before taking a sip, followed by a larger swallow. As they watched, they could see as he made himself relax. Finally he looked up again.

"I'll start again" he said, and took a deep breath before continuing, "I don't really have many friends back home. There's Iain, but that's different. And me and my family, well, aside from my uncle Joe, we don't get too well. And Indi always seemed so with it and happy and everything. I wanted to see what that was like."

Alice frowned "Colin, did they hurt you at all?"

He shook his head "No, nothing like that. They just, well, I love the sea and boats and all, but I hate the fishing and the by-catch and all of that. They just don't get that. The family's been fishing for centuries, so I just don't fit. And then there's Iain."

"Iain is?" asked Iris.

"He's me best mate. He had some trouble with a teacher at our old school, and that's why we moved back to town. I couldn't survive without him, though. He's what has kept me going. Him and Indi."

"So you're travelling together?" continued Iris.

"Yeah, we look out for each other. He keeps people off me back, and I pull him away from the obvious red lights."

Alice tipped her head, "So you ... what, are you together?"

Colin gave a snort "Nah, people keep thinking we are, cause Iain's as gay as they come and not shy about it. But me, I'm not. We're just good mates."

"So you wanted to see if you could make something with Indi?" she pressed.

"No! No, when I said I'm not. I meant it. I'm simply not."

Indigo nodded "And I bet your family couldn't deal with that too well either."

He nodded sadly "Yeah, I think they'd have been happier if I'd been gay."

Adele shook her head "You happy travelling with Iain like that? How about him, is he happy with it?"

"Yeah, he knows I don't swing at all, and is good with it. He knows that if I'm warning him off someone there's good reason, and doesn't get snippy. And I like seeing him happy. Maybe one day I'll get to be his best man."

"Right. We can hold off departing for a couple of days can't we?" Adele asked, and then turned to Colin, "Can you leave Iain alone for a couple of days?"

"Yeah, he's with a good bloke right now. It's not going to last, but they'll be OK for the next couple of weeks."

"Did you bring your wetsuit?"

"It's back at the backpackers, but I can get it."

"Ok, we'll delay our trip for two or three days, take you out to a couple of dive spots. You can stay aboard, and then we'll bring you back," Adele looked around again, "Everyone good with that plan?"

Iris and Indigo nodded, then so did Alice.

"Right then. Off you go, and remember the rules. We'll set off when you get back."

"Yes ma'am."

"It's Adele."

"Yes ... Adele."

#SF #SFF #microfic #tootfic #IAmWriting #NereidIris #UrbanFantasy

Iris Part 15

Adele stepped out, leaving the girls alone for a moment.
"I guess you've been dying to meet Colin for years" Alice's voice was subdued.
"It is exciting, but he's the first person outside of," Indigo gestured around the boat, "here and the exotic community that will know about me. I'm a bit scared. Sit by me? Please?"

Alice shuffled over so she was properly next to her friend. Indi leaned back a little against her.

Outside, Adele looked across at Colin. "Indi says you can come aboard," she made the invitation sound like a threat.
Colin gulped, and stepped aboard. Adele moved next to him, and whispered "If you ever hurt either of them, I will end you."
"Yes, ma'am!", he said, accent back in force.

She opened the door to the saloon, and gently pushed him in.

"Girls", she announced, "this is Colin. Colin, meet Indigo and my daughter Alice."

Colin stared, then shook himself. "Uh, hi. Um."
Indigo blushed hard "Uh, hi, Colin. Uh, yeah, it's real. Er, Adele? Can you get mum or dad from below. One of them should be here."

Adele nodded, and went below. As soon as she was below decks, Indigo asked "Did she threaten you?"
"Yes?" Colin said softly.
"That tracks. Don't worry about it. She hasn't had anyone shot in six years."
"Is that supposed to be reassuring? And what about" he pointed at her tail.
"I'll explain when mum or dad are here. I figured you had your secrets, this one is mine."

Alice looked on as Colin continued to stand awkwardly in the middle of the cabin. "Oh for crying out loud, just sit down!" she finally burst out, just as Iris came up the companionway, Adele following.

Colin, quickly stood up from half sitting. "Uh, hi Mrs Chandler. Sorry for turning up unannounced."

Iris looked over the slender dark haired young man and sighed. "Well, I see the girls have already introduced themselves. Welcome aboard. Dave is looking after Elizabeth, she's fussing a little. As Alice just said, do sit. Tea?"

A look of absolute relief came over Colin's face. This was something he could deal with. "Yes please, white with two, please."

"I'll look after it. Girls?", Adele asked.

"Yes, please," they chorused back.

"Now, we have some rules. Firstly, no photos, and no telling anyone - not family, not friends, no-one - about Indi. Unless you know some other people who are similarly gifted?"

"Uh, no. No, I don't. Does that mean there are other sorts of people out there too?"

"Oh yes. For example..." and Iris turned to water "I am a naiad, or water nymph." She turned back. "I know you are taking a gap year, backpacking. But what are you doing here, specifically?"

"I came to see Indi. Uh, not like that. Cause we've been sending letters so long and well, I got my passport, and um" as he spoke he sped up, and his accent started to get thicker, and then stuttered out.

#SF #SFF #microfic #tootfic #IAmWriting #NereidIris #UrbanFantasy

Iris Part 14

Adele got out of the ride-share and lifted the duffel bag onto her shoulder. A fortnight in the tropics was looking very attractive now that the girls had graduated from high-school.

Indigo couldn't do the usual sort of graduation trip, and Alice wasn't going to go off without her, so this was the alternative. That she got to go as well was an added bonus. Plus someone had to give Dave and Iris a bit of a break - with a newborn daughter, they had their work cut out for them.

As she approached the Nereid, she saw a young man, maybe 18, staring at the boat with a serious look about him. This was not good. He might be a scout from one of the gangs.

She had not got as far as she had, nor survived retiring, by holding back. She quietly walked up behind him, dropped the bag, and before he could turn, had an arm around his neck, and a knife pressed just above his kidneys. "You are going to tell me who you are, and what you're doing here. Now," she hissed into his ear.

"I came to visit Indigo! I'm a friend of her's that's all! I'm Colin!" This all came out in a rush, and in an accent that made it almost unintelligible. Adele took a few moments to process this, eventually figuring what he'd said. The accent alone was enough for Adele. No-one in the local gangs had an accent like that. This boy was fresh out of England.

She let him go "Sorry, the girls have had a problem with a stalker" she explained "Indigo know you're here?"

"Uh, no, Mrs Chandler. I wanted it to be a surprise." He was talking slower now.

"I'm not Iris. I'm Indi's godmother."

"Oh! The mum of her mysterious friend!"

"Yes. Now wait here. I'll see if Indigo is accepting visitors."

With that she picked up her bag, made the knife vanish, and stepped aboard.

Inside Alice and Indigo were hunched over video game controllers. "Hi mum!" said Alice without looking up.
"How do you know it's me?"
"New camera looking out on the afterdeck. I've got it on my phone."

"Well done. Pause the game please."

The girls paused it.

"What's up?" asked Indigo.

"Are you accepting a visitor? From England."

"What? Colin's here?" Indigo's excitement spiked and then her face fell. She looked at her tail. "I'll have to tell him. Should I let him aboard?"

"That is up to you. Do you think he can be trusted?" Adele's face was grim.

Indigo closed her eyes and thought for a moment. Then opened them, looking straight at Alice. "Ask him aboard, please."

#SF #SFF #microfic #tootfic #IAmWriting #NereidIris #UrbanFantasy

Alistair knew what he was in for when he signed on as engineer on a North Sea fishing boat.

They were rodliners, so there was no way they could afford to pay his wages by fish alone. So they had to have a side gig, and one that was not entirely above board. As long as it wasn't drugs or guns, he was going to be OK with it. Ever since Brexit, everything had become more expensive. So some black market luxuries were not something he was going to begrudge.

It did not hurt that this had to be the cleanest and neatest boat he'd ever worked on. Including when he'd been in the Navy.

So when they pulled alongside a Belgian trawler, he was happy to help transfer cases of wine, wheels of cheese, and a couple of crates of car parts.

Later, though when he went through the hold he saw some additional boxes - ones he'd not seen in the transfer. Being the fool that he was (in his mind at least) he went to the captain.

Marge was a heavily weathered woman in her sixties, and listened to him seriously. Then got him to take her below to see.

On seeing the boxes she grunted, and opened one, and inspected the contents. Dozens of single use pre-loaded syringes. All labelled alike, all looking like they came from a professional lab.

Putting on her glasses, she read the label. Grunted again, and closed the boxes.

When she took him up to the forecastle with a grip on his elbow that brooked no argument he got worried. Then she let go, and lit up a clove cigarette. She offered him one, which he declined.

"I can't stand by if you're smuggling drugs Captain."

"Wouldn't want you to. Two things. One, not my cargo. Two, they ain't the sort of drugs you think they are" came the gravelly reply.

Alistair gave a very intelligent "Huh?" and then "What do you mean not your cargo?"

"Lemme take the other question first. Those were medical supplies. Not recreational. Not on the NHS."

"I guess that's better..."

"Now for the first one. I'm pretty proud of havin' the cleanest, neatest boat in the harbour. Don't come free. We got some live-aboard passengers. Don't never talk about 'em. Pay their way by cleaning up. Lately been doing a bit of shipping on the side too. That's their stuff. I'll put out a bit of extra honey tonight as an apology."

Alistair looked to see if the Captain was having him on. She looked dead serious. "So we've..."

"Never say nothing. OK?"

"Right. And those drugs?"

"Reckon there's a bunch of kids around who'll be glad of 'em ever since the busybodies in Whitehall figured they knew better than doctors. They'll save a bunch of lives, I'm thinking. Wish I'd had 'em as a kid. Would've been easier."

Alistair looked down at Marge's arms, and noticed, amongst the tattoos, a very discrete blue and pink flag.

"OK, Captain. I think I need a bit of sleep if I'm seeing things."

"Good lad. Carry on."

#SF #SFF #Urbanfantasy #microfiction #microfic #tootfic #IAmWriting

Inspired by @Steveg58 and @buddhawilliams

Iris - Side note - M.V. Nereid

The boat Dave Chandler purchased was a remodeled ex-trawler. 53' long with a 17' 6" beam, drawing 7'.

The M.V. Nereid has a single 480hp diesel engine and single screw.

On the main deck, the cabin has been extended, and (from the bow) has a bridge, head and shower (port), galley (starboard), two bunk cabins (port and starboard) with a central passage, and a saloon area, opening to a rear deck and swim deck.

Between the saloon area and the cabins is a pair of companion ways, starboard leading to the engine room, and port to below deck cabins. There is a ramp to the swimdeck with handholds left and right, to make it easier for Indigo to get up to the main deck. Yes, Indigo does have rather impressive upper body strength.

Below deck there are two cabins, one bunk, adjacent to the engine room, but to starboard, and a double stateroom in the bow. Both have ensuite showers and heads.

She has sonar and radar, and a SOLAS life raft dispenser to port. To starboard is a hoist for an 8' RIB.

When Indigo is sleeping aboard, she takes the maindeck port lower bunk. Alice usually takes the upper when sleeping over.

When she stays aboard, Adele takes the below decks bunk, sleeping in the lower one.

The starboard above deck bunk is usually used for extra storage.

#SF #SFF #microfic #tootfic #IAmWriting #NereidIris #UrbanFantasy

Iris Part 13

Alice got off the train, and walked down to the boat harbour. After six years her mum had finally decided that it was reasonably safe for her to travel alone on public transport.

When she got to Dave and Iris' boat it was clear that something was going down, as there were several people she did not know aboard. Her mum was with them and when she saw her, waved, meaning everything was OK.

"Hi Mum! I thought you'd be at home, what's up?"
"I got called in for crowd control and to keep Indi company", she smiled, "Today's the day. These folks are selkies, and one of them is a midwife."

Alice's eyes went wide, and she darted into the cabin. "Indi?" she called as she ran.
"In here! Oh, Alice! They're all down in the galley!" Indigo was stretched out on one of the benches in the saloon, her tail slapping against the cushions in excitement.

Alice knelt and gave Indi a hug. "So, big sis Indi any time now, huh?"
"And Aunt Alice!"
"I will, naturally be the coolest Aunt."
"Yep! Oh! Wait! How did your graduation go?"
"Our school doesn't stand on ceremony, thank goodness. I've got my results. Number 16 in the year. Bang on the 76th percentile, just as we planned."
Indi grinned. Part of the plan Alice and her mum had was for Alice to do just well enough to get a good round of offers, but not so well as to attract attention. "Perfect! So when," Indi broke off as a pained groan came from below, followed by Iris shouting "DAVE, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" and then, just slightly less loud "Kirsten! Give me that fucking jab!"

Alice looked at Indigo.

"Mum just went to water for me. The ultimate C-section. She can't do that with Elizabeth," Indigo explained.

Alice blinked "I never thought to ask. That would have been so strange to see. So she was alone for you?"
"Yep. Dave found out the following morning."
There was another pained groan from below. This time it sounded like Dave.

Looking a Indi's twitching tail, Alice decided a change of subject was called for. "What about your results, do you have them?"
"What, oh, yeah, my results came in earlier. 86th percentile. If I could, I could enrol in just about anything. Actually going to university with you would be so cool."
"Tell you what, I'll go external, too. That way we can still study together."
"Alice - but the whole " she broke off as a new sound came from below - the cry of a baby. Indigo's eyes go wet.
"Congratulations big sis!" Alice hugged Indi again.

Adele rushed in "Did I just hear?"
Indi grinned over Alice's shoulder "I'm a sister!"

One of the selkies came up from below, grinning. "Elizabeth Adele Chandler has entered the world. Mother and child are doing well. Father will, once he gets the use of his hand back."

Adele Ringly, former mob boss, stared in shock. "Elizabeth Adele?"
"Welcome to the family, godmum!" Indigo grinned, "Again."
Alice held Indi at arms length "You didn't tell her?"
"Nope! First name only."

#SF #SFF #microfic #tootfic #IAmWriting #NereidIris #UrbanFantasy

I have a question for followers of my #microfic serial #NereidIris :

What do you think Colin's secret is?

Iris Part 10a

Indigo and Alice were sprawled in the cabin working on their chemistry homework, when they felt the boat shift.

Dave, Indi's dad, called out from the deck "Mail call!"
"We're inside Dad!" Indi called back.
Dave stepped into the cabin with a bunch of post in his hand. He looked around. "OK, pretty good. Where is it?"
Alice pointed to the blanket. "In there", she added.
Indi pulled it back, revealing a gidgi or fishing spear laid alongside her long tail, and pointed towards the hatch.
Dave nodded. After four years there was still a risk of the old business associates of Alice's mum coming after her. The spear was a reasonable precaution, and suitably deniable on a fishing boat.

"Okay then. We've got the next month's assignments for you, Indi", as he handed over a large and thick envelope, "And this", he passed over a much smaller envelope.
"Oooh! A letter from Colin!" Indigo exclaimed excitedly.
"Who's 'Colin'?" asked a puzzled Alice.
"I don't believe I've never told you about him! He's pretty cool - he's been my pen-pal since we were ten. He lives in a fishing villiage in England, at the top end of the Channel."
"So he knows about you?"
"Nah, I sanitise my letters pretty carefully. Mind you, I think there's a bunch of things he's not telling me either. Like I think his family do a little smuggling on the side to go with the fishing. From what I've read it is just about a tradition."

Alice looked at Dave "And you're good with your daughter associating with criminal families? I'm shocked."
Dave laughed "We shouldn't have shown you Casablanca! OK, you two, finish your homework, and then you can read your mail"

With that the two girls settled back into their studies.

#SF #SFF #microfic #tootfic #IAmWriting #NereidIris #UrbanFantasy #SliceOfLife

Glennis Cochrane did well from the divorce from Chuck. Despite his wealth, he had decided to represent himself, and, well, you know what they say about that. That he also decided to represent himself in the criminal assault case resulting from what happened outside the court was just icing on the cake. Court officials do not take well to being punched. 10-15 years before any chance of parole.

She sold the house, and purchased a charming heritage building near the CBD. A two story house with an attic. The estate agent said he was obliged to disclose that the house was haunted. Glennis laughed it off..

The reality was that the house really was haunted. She hadn't seen the ghost, but she'd heard it, and seen the effects.

Most noticeable was that the ghost was obsessive about the way the kitchen was set out. The pots and pans had to be just so. The crockery stacked the right way. And the pantry organised by date.

Once she'd figured that out, the ghost started on the bathroom. Then the living room.

The ghost had strong opinions about art. A Mondrian print ended up on the floor, but a Pollock reproduction stayed. Family photos were safe, but often got rearranged. Sometimes in different ways - it seemed that the ghost had moods. Her own paintings were untouched.

And that brought on the studio. Glennis had cleaned out the attic, and had a skylight put in, and set up the area as a studio. Every morning, her brushes would be cleaned, and but any work she'd covered would be uncovered.

Gradually, she started to feel someone watching her as she painted. Just the edge of a shadow out of the corner of her eye. A flicker of movement. So she started talking to the ghost.

About her day, about the divorce, about the current painting, the day's news. Just talking. When she told the presence about Chuck getting dogpiled by the court security team, she was certain she heard a hint of a giggle. And saw the hint of a figure.

---------------------------

Next we have the most famous work by Glennis Cochrane: "Past and Present" where you can see a ghostly outline of a young woman in formal late Victorian clothes on an IKEA lounge chair, illuminated by a shaft of dusty sunlight.

The artist always insisted that it was painted from a live sitting, but no attribution for the model has been found.

What am I bid?

#SF #SFF #UrbanFantasy #ghost #art #SciFi #microfiction #microfic #tootfic #IAmWriting