Tent to Rent: The Luxurious Zippered Estate 🏕️
This astonishing, jaw-dropping tent to let is available for NOW. Get your viewing while you still can with Real Estate Bastard Enterprises Ltd., the world’s leading estate agency for psychopaths-to-employees ratios.
The tent is located off the M60 motorway into Manchester and is quite close to a pond, but also located near to a pretty rough estate where working class scumbags reside. As such, expect much jolly tomfoolery and banter with these locals, plus the occasional punch to the face.
The Luxurious Zippered Estate: Nothing Beats Tent Living
- £1,400 p/m (in Bitcoin)
- £3,000 deposit
- NO PETS
- BILLS NOT INCLUDED
- Tenant must pass drug tests and psychological analysis to ensure they are not a communist
- Luxurious tent with zipper that has only minor issues getting a bit stuck (some grunting and expletives usually gets the job done)
- Ambient air conditioning
- Sleeping bag not included
This pop-up penthouse is a delight to behold. A blue and orange coloured tent with functioning zipper is entirely rainproof and cosy during the summer months. For the winter months, it’s advised you side-rent an indoor property to supplement your living alongside your tent-based needs.
Rent is a bargain at £1,400 p/m at a fixed Bitcoin rate. The price will not increase (indefinitely). However, the price will definitely increase after the first six months to £1,600 as we’re such greedy, loathable bastards.
You should feel privileged to pay this tent rent. A one-person hyper-minimalist, body contouring micro-condo is perfect for the modern working professional and an ideal way to lead an active, agile working life.
No Amenities: The Ultimate in Free Will Living
If you’re a libertarian deluding yourself to the nature of existence, this home is the perfect fit. There are no amenities included, with no running water, electricity, cooking, or bathroom facilities.
You have complete and utter free will to do as you please.
As you well know, the modern state is a parasitic entity designed to crush the innovative, rugged individualist. Finding a home where one can breathe freely, unburdened by the tyranny of fire regulations, property taxes, and a sense of morality, you’ll find total liberation with clean, minimalist, free-will-based living:
- Catch your water in a bucket outside your luxurious zippered property
- Hunt down food (rats, geese etc.) in the local bins and parks
- Mark your territory by urinating and defecating at key locations
- Pay in Bitcoin as the ultimate libertarian gesture
As we all know, tenant rights should not exist. For real libertarians understand the market regulates itself and, if anything, landlords deserve MORE money than they already receive, for which you can retaliate at a later date by opening an entire tent-to-rent colony somewhere off the M1.
This is a golden investment opportunity, libertarian! Secure your future today by living like a deadbeat bum.
Previous Tenant’s Advocacy for the Luxurious Zippered Estate
“I’m a libertarian and I used to rent this property. However, once my landlord exercised his right to evict me for no real reason, did I go and cry to a housing board? No! I took it like a Real Man and exercised my free will to exit my home and become homeless for 135 seconds. I exited the tent, picked it up, and personally MANHANDLED my own home three feet to the right (for political reasons, as opposed to moving it to the Left, for communism is bad). This was the most beautiful moment of mine life—the market forces at work, my landlord losing my capital, and all while averting a regulatory dispute. Free will is real, as proven by myself getting diarrhea later that day after eating an old burger out of a bin outside McDonald’s.”
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