RE: https://cultofshiv.wtf/@SleepyCatten/115981136984537860

Further to our previous, quoted post, we've already taken certain actions to reduce the intense (and worsening) negative emotions we're experiencing over seeing other posts from other trans+ folks over things like:

• Their trans+ joy or euphoria.
• Making amazing process with voice training.
• Gender-affirming surgeries.
• Being able to get decent care and support.

... and so on.

So far, we've muted several sub-Reddits we're subscribed to, so that they don't appear on our Reddit feed.

We intend to do the same shortly here by adding filters to put a CW on posts with certain keywords or hashtags that have become triggering to us

We genuinely loathe that we have to do this, but we do not know how else to continue to engage here otherwise.

We used to feel so happy for others who were able to get the gender-affirming care that they needed, even if we knew it wouldn't be available to us.

Now, it seems like all we feel is a mixture of jealousy, intense sadness, and... we guess a little resentfulness and bitterness, which in-turn makes us feel even worse 😔

We don't feel envious, as we want others to be able to get the care that they need. We're specifically jealous because the care we need has been -- and still is actively being -- denied to us.

We're beyond exhausted of having to self-advocate and beg for scraps of basic gender-affirming healthcare.

And that's before we even bring in the struggles we've had trying to get any kind of suitable other support, particularly with mental health, or just with life in general.

We're sorry, because you all deserve to celebrate your joy and to want to share it with friends and people online.

You all deserve to discuss this stuff openly without fear of triggering somebody else.

You all deserve to get all the care and support that you need, and to not have to hide it away.

We just currently cannot participate in it, because it's breaking us apart even more every time we see, read, or hear somebody getting or achieving something we also intensely desire or need, but have little-to-no realistic chance of ever achieving.

Sorry 😔

#trans+ #transgender #GenderDysphoria #healthcare #HealthcareInequality #TransGenocide #FuckTheNHS #FuckTheNHS #transition #FML #MentalHealth #LackOfTransJoy #LGBTQ+ #LGBTQIA+ #queer

Edit: Fixed a typo

We don't have the spoons for a detailed post. We've written other posts recently giving updates on some of our struggles, but we needed to get the thoughts out of our head before sleep tonight 🥺😔

We're realistically facing a situation very soon where we'll officially be told that we're not going to get any gender-affirming surgeries from NHS England whatsoever, making the last nearly 5 years of trying to progress through this dehumanising, anxiety-inducing, decorating, belittling, gatekeeping, outdated process completely worthless  

We already had to accept we could never get FFS.

We tried twice to convince them to give us VFS, but they said no, and gave us no actual further voice training help.

We knew that trying to get PPT vaginoplasty would be a longshot, but we never expected:

• to have PPT basically badmouthed during a consultation;
• to hear basic PIV or scrotal flap techniques described as the "gold standard" (!!!) for genital reconfiguration surgery (GRS);
• to be told that the only surgeon who'd see us is one we'd never, ever trust or want anywhere near us, especially after having specifically requested another surgeon (the only one we'd trust in the UK for GRS); and
• that we'd need to go back begging to our gender clinic -- which no longer responds to our emails at all -- to try to convince them to submit a funding request for a basic standalone bilateral orchidectomy and scrotectomy... which would have been required anyway as part of PIV or vulvoplasty!!!

We've reached the point where we don't think we can get any joy from seeing other trans+ folks' joy and euphoria from making progress in their own transitions, particularly surgeries, as we can't help but feel so painfully sad crushingly jealous and upset that we cannot get even the most basic care after waiting even longer 😔

And nope: we've zero chance of being able to ever even fund the cheapest of surgeries privately.

Apologies for the sad dump. We needed to write it all out to have any chance at getting to sleep soon  

#EOEGS #NHS #NHSEngland #FuckTheNHS #FuckEngland #FuckTheUK #GenderAffirmingSurgery #GenderAffirmingHealthcare #gatekeeping #trans #transgender #NonBinary #TransFem #GRS #GenderDysphoria #transition #PPT #PIV #FFS #VFS #orchidectomy #FML #queer #LGBTQ+ #LGBTQIA+ #LackOfTransJoy