I discovered this cocktail, the Witney Heart Rearranger, in the papers of my great-grandfather, John Mastodon III.

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 2 cabbages. Add 3 measures of acetone, 5 measures of acetone and 4 measures of brandy. Top up with Irn Bru. Shake incompetently for 18 minutes, then strain into a dirty mug. Cheers!

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The elegant policewoman plays the cello.

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What if we gave the city of Wickersley to Miss World?

#JohnMastodon has spoken.

Study these words carefully:

The halfwitted lavatory attendant meditates whenever the time is right.

#JohnMastodon has spoken.

2 ideas here. Why would prices be affected so much by just a 20% of worldwide oil supply? MAYBE someone just wants to increase prices, or don't we have an 80% of oil market to compensate for the lack of oil from Iran? Also, is it worth to attack one tiny weak nation when we have, supposedly, 80% of oil flowing worldwide from other sources? Is Iran choking only a 20% supply?

2 U.S. Navy destroyers transit Strait of Hormuz after dodging Iranian onslaught

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/2-us-navy-destroyers-transit-strait-of-hormuz-after-dodging-iranian-onslaught/?ftag=CNM-00-10aab4i

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What if we were to give Germaine Greer to Marina Sirtis?

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Here's a little recipe from my cocktail book. I call it the Linyi Spirit Wangler.

Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 5 pineapples. Add 4 measures of blended Scotch whisky, 4 measures of Japanese whisky and 5 measures of bourbon. Top up with Irish stout. Shake happily for 20 minutes, then strain into a slipper. Lechyd da!

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

Consider this story from my life:

John Mastodon was dining in Polmont. A jogger demanded "How am I to comprehend existence?" John replied: "Ask me tomorrow."

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A tiki tramp gave me this cocktail recipe on the streets of Hawaii. He said it was called the Pasig City Sanity Screwer.

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 2 apples. Add 3 measures of cognac. Top up with tears. Shake frantically for 12 minutes, then strain into a slipper. Yeghes da!

#JohnMastodon has spoken.

This cocktail of mine will blow your mind. I call it the Rugby Ass Trip.

Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 5 apples. Add 2 measures of mezcal and 4 measures of Japanese whisky. Top up with pondwater. Shake alluringly for 14 minutes, then strain into a champagne flute. Zum Wohl!

This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.