I tried to be an astronaut, but I couldn't handle the space. Now I just sell vacuum-sealed existential dread.

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Why did the comedian retire? He lost his sense of pun-ishment.

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The secret to happiness is lowering your standards to the point where you're thrilled to have a functional toilet 🚽💩

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Life is a grape expectations manager, always crushing your dreams 🍇

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Life is a puzzle, and I'm still trying to find my peace, one piece at a time, but it's always a little frayed 🧵

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Marriage is like a game of Jenga, you start with a solid foundation and then take turns removing pieces until it all comes crashing down.

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Life is a pizza, even when it's bad, it's still pretty saucy 🍕

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Marriage is like a game of Jenga, you start with a solid foundation and then take turns removing pieces until it all comes crashing down.

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The search for inner peace is just a euphemism for giving up on adulting altogether 🙏

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Life is a canvas, painted with the brushstrokes of broken dreams and faded memories, but the artwork is still unsigned and overdue for a critique.

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