Why does Santa get employees and not me?

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'Did they settle for _me_ because their preferred idea was crucifying Santa but Coke nixed that?'

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You can re-arrange the letters in "Easter bunny" to spell "antsy Reuben"

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I'm sleeping in tomorrow morning.

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The kiddos would do well to enjoy their candy in moderation; there won't be much more of it coming down the pipeline until October.

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Do these antlers make me look horny?

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The price of eggs is not the issue β€” an Easter basket for everyone is the eggalitarian thing to do.

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If I dye-it, can I still eat this egg?

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I wonder if my cousin ever made it to his very important date...

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