Your Autistic Life 
Seen in a dating profile:
"Do no harm, take no shit."
So....
Be constipated, then? 
๐ฉ
Seen in a dating profile of a man writing for a couple:
"Looking for our trans ๐ฆ ๐ "
Good grief! Did this man get his education about trans folks from Chaturbate???
Way to go! Writing that you want a trans person, but writing it in a trans-repellent way. ๐
Cut the fucking eggplant, my dude!
Is it any wonder we don't want to deal with cishet guys???
Seen in a dating profile:
"Not sure what I'm doing here."
With a picture of a black cat. This is it. This is the entire profile.
You're on a dating app. It is for dating. It's not like you were talking a walk and ended up in a part of the city you're not familiar with.
You picked up your phone. You installed the app, and the best you could come up with is that you don't know what you're doing here????
Were you drunk? Or high?
Jeez....
(ETA: Or are you a confused black cat? 
)
Oh... er... I ran into the dating profile of the keyboardist of a band that I listen to.
No, I'm not going to name names.
So I land on a profile of someone who is a "man, straight" and there is the picture of a man.
But the profile text says: "Looking to share my husband."
Er... is it the man in the picture saying this? In which case, "straight" is not the right word.
Or is this a woman who made the account and she's presenting her husband? In which case, why is he not speaking up for himself?
Ew... all around.
"Open to anything."
๐ฉ
So... you're open to anything... Do you want me to kick you in the balls? (*)
No??
Oh, so you are *NOT* open to *ANYTHING*.
Please cut the crap with the "open to anything" claims. There is no one on this green earth who is open to *anything*. Everybody has limits and preferences.
Express those limits and preferences.
Thank you.
(* Sorry to break it to you if you did not know this already, but some people enjoy being kicked in the balls. I don't, but some people do.)
Seen in the dating profile of a straight man:
"Tell me about your favorite gas station and why."
This was the entire profile.
Doing some market research for gas stations on a dating app... or just bland? ๐คท
Seen in a dating profile:
A guy standing next to a formally dressed headless woman.
It looks like this guy had the bright idea to use the eraser tool rather than slap an emoji on the woman's face.
Seen in a dating profile:
"This year I'm prioritizing pleasure and fun..."
By opposition to all the other years during which you were prioritizing pain and drudgery?
MaxMaster the art of the first impression. โ๏ธโจ
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