Resolving to pay down my (average) credit card debt (which ballooned because of #DadsLump) rapidly, I am brutally slashing Door Dash and all online retail from my budget. I literally eat most of my household budget (though mental health care and BENSON certainly edge to the top of my expenses.)
The vet told me how much Benson's 'consult' will cost and he needs to get a job!!
They're cremating Dad today.
#DadsLump #Grief #ParentalLoss
Picking up the last of dad's private papers from the house. So glad we set up his NOK (next of kin) box last summer/fall. His degrees, certificates are next.
I'll be at his house scheduling house clean out and his internment once we have his ashes.
We had a little too much after dinner last night so we're all hungover. This morning, over pastries and coffee, I wanted so badly to look across the table and see dad cutting his eyes in that way he had as he said something provocative and outrageous.
His absence is becoming more real to me each day.
My sister and I have different ways of coping.
My chest is full of anxiety and jitters so I'm watching a cooking show to distract myself.
My sister has done two loads of laundry, washed dishes, cleaned the toilet, and now she's whipping up an artichoke dish.
I need an edible.
And I miss my dog.
A quiet rainy morning in LA.
We're handling the small details for the Mar 1 memorial.
My sister is grading papers.
Coffee in hand.
Boss texted me: Let me know if you want to check in later.
No, I don't need to check in. But clearly she does. So maybe I'll call her later.
With these quieter days, the grief is seeping through more forcefully. It's easy to forget, in all the planning, organizing, and logistics, that Dad isn't here anymore.
No more hilariously outrageous phone calls.
No more reminders to eat something other than toast for breakfast.
No more family or church tea.
No more loud political or cultural debates over dinner and cocktails while folks from other tables eavesdrop.
God I'm gonna miss his face.
i'm working on all the comms assets for my dad's Celebration of Life service in 2 weeks and I'm hitting a mental/productivity wall.
Also creating the schedule for the house, following up with an estate lawyer, the final business of closing the accounts once death certificates are ready, dealing with the knowledge that this memorial might be....large.
I want to tell my sister to stop talking to people, but apparently, I'm the only introvert in the family. They're all sharing with their circles and maaaaan....I need everyone to shhhhhh.
#ParentalLoss #Grief #DadsLump
It's funny to see a loved one through the eyes of others.
My sister and I were humbled by the outpouring of support from a queer Black men's support group that our father joined when he came out.
We sat for a while, and they shared their impressions of our dad. We came away with a picture of a generous, wise, elder statesman. Like a gay Morgan Freeman.
Later, we sat in the car.
Sis: Did Dad totally transform into a whole other person when he was here?
Me: Seriously! We won't tell them the times we had to yell at dad for being out of pocket.
Later, a young man said that our father was the oldest Black gay man in their large and active community. That meant something for them.
I'll let them have their version of Dad. It was his best version. His most hard-won version.
#ParentalLoss #Grief #DadsLump
I wrote Dad's story (while my sister listened in and added slight -- less fun -- adjustments) yesterday.
I hate the obituaries that are just a bland litany of dates. I wanted to give a sense of the kind of man my dad was. His spiciness peeks through.
In the end, I think we did pretty good.
https://www.weremember.com/john-edwin-coleman/5x7d/memories?utm_campaign=memorial_share
I accumulated a LOT of points on Southwest with all the flights to LA last year.
So I just booked my 2nd bereavement week for only $12.
My dad passed in the wee hours of the morning.
A Bestie has been sitting with me while I figure out logistics and wait to hear from my sister.
My feelings: immense grief. Immense relief. Joy and gratitude that his passing was peaceful and without struggle. Gratitude that I was able to hold his hand, kiss his cheek, and say I love you one last time.
May he be well.
May he be happy.
May he be free from sorrow.
Diligence Jones