i had a bday recently and is it too crazy to try and make this year a year of like...calm and non-frenzied, non-desperate thinking?

because i realized that i've had this the last little while and it's pretty phenomenal. no freaking out over things, no excessive worry about things i can't change, not even any shame. i don't know what i did to deserve this level of stability, but it is incredibly welcome. (insert: mandatory aside about how i can't believe that some people just live their life like this and get this mental/emotional state for free. wow. wowow.)

now i want to hold on to this forever. i know that's not the right approach. it's more like...i hope i can keep on walking the narrow path of sobriety/eating properly/sleeping properly/not putting things off too much so that they don't pile up/taking meds/getting enough body movement/getting enough social time/getting enough alone time/getting enough plant/outdoor time, and whatever other magic combination of things, then maybe i can stay clear in the thinking department.

(aside to all my fellow crazies: can you even imagine? just like, a prolonged period of steady, calm thinking? not even worried about falling off the cliff? can you imagine how much easier it is to do any work or learn anything when you're not feeling desperate and on the edge and like you're forever behind in your tasks? ridiculous. now i see how people are able to like, move forward in life! if i had this kind of thinking power throughout my whole life, things would be different, i tell you what, lol. anyway, i'm not yet at feeling like i can handle what life has to throw at me. that magical confidence that one can navigate an uncertain future. that's the next level. maybe i can get that next year, if i'm extra good this year lol)

#MentalHealth #depression #anxiety #CPTSD #recovery

From the shadows, trauma whispers silently

"You aren't enough"
"It's all your fault"
"You bring others pain"

Each experience woven together, as if a tapestry

Plucking any one thread tugs on the others, springing forth a flood of memories, like little shadows from the darkness

The inner child & inner teen, spirit broken, lay shackled & silenced, longing to be free

Please read this recent blog by #SabiLewSounds

https://sabilewcreates.com/the-shadowmen/

#TraumaSurvivor #cPTSD #shadowmen #trauma

EDIT: We got approved for the apartment, but we now need to scramble to raise enough cash to qualify for a huge move-in discount.

I realize this is an absurdly large sum to ask for, and I'm sincerely hoping we *won't* need that much in the end but I'm a realist (okay, I'm a pessimist) and want to try and be prepared.

Ultimately it should help everyone because it would further reduce our living expenses (and by extension less begposting) but I fully acknowledge it's a.. preposterous sum. I'm sorry. I've divided into three steps in order to make it seem slightly less daunting.

We've decided on which apartment to apply for, but we've got to act fast. The staggering total amount I've listed in the CW is worst-case scenario. Supposedly we'll get about $750 knocked off of that total if we qualify which will help significantly but because their website says "up to $750" I'm trying not to consider that in my calculations.

I should have started this last night as soon as we got home but I just didn't have the spoons. Which unfortunately sets us back that much further on time.

Anyway.. here's the itinerary as of now:

Phase 1: Application fees and "Admin Fee" (because it costs soooo much money to type numbers into a computer and hit "print"). Total: $350

Phase 2: If we somehow qualify, we'll need to pay the deposit. It could range from $500 to a full month's rent depending on credit, so once they run ours it'll be a month's rent plus our right arms for the deposit. Total: $1400

Phase 3: Pet deposit is an unpleasant $525, and the first month's pet rent is $45 plus $60 for the "media" package. Total: $630

Grand total: $2,380.

Any help you can give is is appreciated. I'm respectfully requesting that my followers blitzkrieg every social media platform to which they have access to help spread the word and the burden.

They say it takes a village, and for a project this size we're going to need every villager's help with this.

LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Thank you everyone so very much for your help, kindness, encouragement, and generosity.

#Poverty #Housing #MentalIllness #BPD #CPTSD #LGBTQ #Solidarity

@mutualaid

If you're willing AND able, please boost and if possible donate. If you can't donate, *do NOT feel guilty* for being in the same boat as us. Your feelings about it are valid but rest assured you needn't feel bad.

Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins
Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins
PP: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/gizmo1982
GFM: https://gofund.me/12171be3

🔴 #LifeDev #LiveCoding 544: My game on #CPTSD

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=veLrz1jgL8

#IndieDev #GameDev #UnrealEngine #Linux

RE: https://mastodon.social/@ChronicIllnessHumor/115533008629362750

Brain fog with chronic illness be like....

#disabled #chronicillness #chronicfatigue #disability #meme #DisabledWomen #chronicillnesshumor #funny #laugh #findjoy #brainfog #brainfoghumor #chronicfatiguelife #plural #pluralgang #dissociativeidentitydisorder #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpd #depression #anxiety #autism #ptsd #cptsd #humour #humor #joke

RE: https://mastodon.social/@SabiLewSounds/115525892365489809

#Indigenous Latina Family; #homeless & mourning loss of Little Man (ESA bunny)

#SabiLewSounds is disabled 24/7 caretaker for disabled elderly mom; multidisciplinary artist & advocate

KOFI/PYPL SabiLewSounds
CA/VM toadlyturtle
(Note Sabi)

#HelpFolksLive2025 #MutualAid #SupportDisabledArtists #Traumasurvivor #Cptsd #LightWithin #Fempreneur #MentalHealthAdvocate #LatinaMusician #DisabledArtist #CommunitySupport #CommunityCare #Disability #ShowUpForWishes #IndigenousMutualAid #MutualAidRequest

🔴 #LifeDev #LiveCoding 543: My game on #CPTSD

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FUVi3eM8hAw

#IndieDev #GameDev #UnrealEngine #Linux