People say I have #BodyDysmorphophobia and to be honest they're right. Though not in the way they believe. For me it's just that I've never been able to judge my size. Even when I was young, like preteen young, I was overly concerned about my #weight and I had a six pack. But I was sure I was heavier than everyone else.
As I got older and bigger, I was always fighting that, but I was also trying to fight my nurturing. My mum was obsessed with #LosingWeight and as a result I tried to not be that. Throw that together with being a staunch #AntiMaterialist and all it meant was that there was a disconnect between how I looked and how I saw myself. And ultimately it didn't matter because I was determined to surround myself with people that loved me for me rather what I look like or what I owned.
I mean I had trash #EatingHabits, but I was cognisant enough to try and strive for the best despite those trash eating habits and so I managed to maintain my weight just the wrong side of correctly. Throughout my adult years I tried everything and nothing and no matter what, I couldn't get where I wanted to be, but I found solace in not being terrible.
Then came #COVID and everything changed. The balance broke and I started sliding in the wrong direction. Unaware BTW. After the #pandemic, I ended up in #IntensiveCare because the lack of balance broke me and I got a rare type of #diabetes that tried to reap my life. I was so confused by it all. I ate the same breakfast daily, designed to be nutritious and filling. I only ate lunch sometimes and dinner was a single takeaway serving. I believed I was doing everything right.
In hospital they told me I needed to #LoseWeight and I thought, who? Me? I spoke to a #dietician in the #type1diabetes department and I just remember feeling attacked the whole time. Though I did learn how to count carbohydrates. I was trying and actually started losing weight. It wasn't until I was discharged and ended up being prescribed #semaglutide. They asked if I wanted oral or injections and I opted for oral. My system is sensitive and so it instantly changed my life. Not in the miracle drug way, but I was struggling with #nausea and #AcidReflux, so I had to figure out how to adapt and I did. The key was portion sizes. Too large and I felt sick, too small and I had acid reflux.
I spoke to a different #dietician and her approach was different, it was a better fit for me. She suggested logging my meals in #MyFitnessPal and I was sceptical. But I recently got a new phone and Google were bundling Pixel Watches, so I looked into the #Fitbit app and saw it had meal logging. I began logging and then I began paying attention. The weight was dropping off of me aggressively. To the point that two different medical staff said they'd never seen such success before.
The dietitian then suggested I started walking to try and maintain as much muscle mass as possible. As someone that hates walking for no reason, I had to do some mental gymnastics, but eventually, maintain muscle mass became a good enough reason, so I found a route near me with a steep hill and started walking it. Once a week at first and then twice, four times and then every weekday. The hill started as a struggle and then it wasn't enough so I started adding more routes.
The dietitian then suggested I go to the #gym and I was open to the idea. I actually just wanted to ride #LimeBikes around the city, but they weren't available and so the gym seemed the next best solution. However my blood pressure had other ideas and they didn't think it was safe. So while I asked my doctor to give me permission, and they dragged their heels, I ended up using #Gemini to design a Circuit for me to do at home. Sod's Law meant one week after starting, two months after asking my doctor, I got permission to go to the gym. I asked Gemini to help me with a workout routine based on what they had available and have been going, going for hypertrophy, going for an #RPE of 7, going for the #MAV, going all in.
I've now lost an outrageous amount of weight and yet all I see is the imperfections because I could never judge size in the first place and I'm relatively okay with that. I'm never thinking about surgery, all I'm thinking about is #CaloriesInCaloriesOut, #Macronutrients and trying to improve my physique. I'm at a weight that I never thought possible and at a body fat percentage I never even dreamed of dreaming of. I can't judge me, because I'm incapable. That's my body dysmorphophobia; having no idea what I look like just believing I'm good enough looking to be desired and interesting enough to be loved.
In terms of #WeightLoss, first and foremost you need a desire. Not via magic but with your life. Learn how to log calories and then learn how to live in a #CalorieDeficit and then learn how to enjoy your calorie deficit. Portion control truly is your friend. After that, start strength training so your skin tightens as much as possible and you're good to go.
Māmā takiwātanga
Steve Dustcircle 🌹
Brandon Scott Partin
Dunbar's Number
Kaz 
Sir Thomas Goodwin, M.S.
