Han(nu) Solo, MD (@[email protected])

🏛️ Demisexuality: What is it and why is it Asexual Spectrum? [Reposted & Updated from Old med-mastodon.com Account] 🔸 So the Cleveland Clinic definition is imperfect but pretty solid for starters: "Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which a person feels sexually attracted to someone only after they’ve developed a close emotional bond with them. Forming a bond doesn’t guarantee a person will feel a sexual attraction, but the bond is needed before sexual attraction is [unlocked]. Demisexuality is a sexual orientation. People who identify as demisexual only feel sexual attraction to someone after they’ve formed a strong emotional bond with them. Compared to the general population... The length of time needed to create an emotional bond varies. Some people who are demisexual develop a close bond quickly, but others only develop a bond after several years of friendship with someone." 🔸 The LGBTQIA Wiki Defines Demisexuality as: "Demisexual is a sexual orientation most often defined as only experiencing sexual attraction when an emotional connection or bond has formed with someone.[1][2][3][4][5]... Another definition is a person who does not experience primary sexual attraction (defined as sexual attraction that is based on sight, smell, or other information instantly available upon meeting someone) but does experience secondary sexual attraction (attraction that develops over time based upon the relationship and connection with another person). How much demisexuals need to know about another person and for how long they need to know about them before they may develop secondary sexual attraction varies from person to person.[7] Demisexual people can be gay, straight, bisexual, or any other orientation describing the gender(s) of people they are attracted to.[8] Some add demi- as a prefix to another sexual orientation label, such as "demi-bisexual".[3] Demisexuality is part of the asexual spectrum." 🔸 As above, it is widely accepted to be part of the asexual spectrum and typically implies a low partner number count rather than necessarily a low sexual activity drive. Plainly put, it takes demisexuals longer to warm up to someone. But they can get warm with variable frequency & intensity thereafter as far as sexual activity goes. They can fall in love. They can be romantic. They can be close friends instead. It's variable. 🔸 Stonewall Scotland Elaborates on the Asexual Spectrum and why Demisexual is typically included & other things you should know about being "ace": 1. You don’t have to experience zero sexual attraction to be a part of the ace community. Demisexual and greysexual people belong in the community. 2. People on the ace spectrum don’t want your pity. Just because they may feel sexual attraction in different ways, doesn’t mean they don’t feel excitement! 3. People’s sexualities sitting within the ace spectrum [don't] necessarily have anything to do with past sexual trauma – but, even if there were links, their identity is no less valid. 4. Some people on the ace spectrum do have a sex drive (instrumentally speaking, such as masturbatory drive). 5. People can be both bisexual and demisexual. LGBTQIA+ people know themselves deeply. When you consistently come out to yourself and those around you, it’s hard NOT to know who you are. 6. It’s OK to be confused about your identity – but, ultimately, knowing yourself is awesome! 🔸 For my disclosures (because I dont give a fuck what anyone knows about me, that's just me) it typically takes me around 2 years and a special connection to unlock sexual attraction. I've had 3 sex partners in my life, a low count by any measure, and had this kind of connections with 6 (edit: doublecounted) individuals. ~50% mark is because some were friends, happily married, or met when I was freshly married (I don't cheat). ▫️ I've often thought about giving up on explaining that I'm ace but demi, but really, its liberational to know yourself & identify yourself so I roll with it even if it sparks mass confusion -- for others, and for myself sometimes. It's not helpful that I am often unaware of the sexual attraction until it reaches a certain threshold of bonding. What tends to be a natural evolution of feelings for me, can seem like it comes out of nowhere to others, and even myself though I am obviously more accepting that this is just how I am wired. #Ace #Asexual #AceSpectrum #Demisexual