BeAware 
Hi everyone.
I know I don't really post much here anymore, but this is gonna be a pretty long, pretty depressing update on my life.
For the past year and a half, I've been on Threads, mostly discussing pro wrestling because it's been a lifelong passion of mine and there's not much discussion about it here.
Well, back in April 2025, my dad got sick really bad with A-Fib and was bedridden. He's a big guy so it took me, my mom, and my sister to take care of him. Throughout 2025, I continued being the main one to be taking care of him while my mom and sister work, because as a lot of you know, I'm disabled.
At the beginning of 2026, I thought things were looking up because he had just had surgery to try to alleviate the A-Fib and more personally, I had started "flirting" with this woman that had been a mutual for several months on Threads.
I really took a liking to this woman because I had been attracted to her from her pics she'd post on Threads even before we started flirting. In my opinion, we had a TON in common in a way that I hadn't had in 10+ years and it got to the point where we'd seen each other's entire bodies and such.
Well...at the end of February, my dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack and my entire facade of any sort of mental health went out the window.
It was a LOT to deal with. Not only with the mental weight of losing my dad who's the only continuous person in my life that's been supporting me and being there for me and having to cremate him, but I also had the full burden of being the only legal right to all of his assets.
I had to deal with 3 vehicles, a house, and a bank account. I got VERY QUICKLY mentally overwhelmed and started drinking to cope.
Then, after the first week of March, right when I'm dealing with all this, the woman decides she doesn't want to flirt anymore and just wants to be friends. As someone that literally has nobody to talk to almost 90% of the time, and her filling a great portion of that beforehand, it shattered me completely. Especially because of how much I liked her beforehand, I felt like I had won the lottery and then blew the millions before I put it in my bank account. We weren't even in a relationship or anything. I just REALLY REALLY wanted to be and could see myself absolutely super happy with her.
Ever since then, I've dealt with all of the assets and gotten everything in order and in my name for the most part.
Now, I'm dealing with the fact that I have 1 friend that barely talks to me, and no goals or ambitions. I've had exactly one hug in 5 years and it was from my nephew while my dad was being worked on by EMTs.
I am EXTREMELY lonely, manic depressive with PTSD, and extremely ADHD with strong RSD.
I've been mentally in shambles. I've been drinking more than I'd like to admit but it makes the pain numb for awhile and I try not to bother anyone while I'm drunk. I also have been heavily smoking weed, but I've always smoked weed, it's just increased tenfold. I smoked 2 ounces this month and it'd normally take 2-3 months to smoke that much.
I spent a bunch of my inheritance on wrestling show tickets and I'm taking my nephew because I feel like I HAVE to get out of this house. Being in this house alone with nobody to wrap my arms around and hold is literally destroying me mentally.
Our first trip starts on Thursday and my mental is getting so bad that I'm worried I'm gonna lose my mind before then.
Nobody really talks to me and when they do, one of us usually quickly runs out of things to say.
Anyway, I'm sorry if I worry anyone with this post. That's not the point. I just figured i owed some people an update because I have a lot of you here that had supported me for a long time.
I'll be fine I'm sure. Eventually. I'm not right now, but hopefully I will be eventually.
Take care,
Your friend,
BeAware
#Depression #MentalHealth #PTSD #Death #Loss #ADHD #Life #Alcohol #Drugs
Lee from Colorado
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