I'm sitting here staring at the screen, because there's something I want to say but at the same time I don't want to say it.
Basically I'm being abused at work. This isn't a new experience for me. I've been abused at a number of workplaces. In fact, that basically seems to be the norm under capitalism.
Or maybe it's just me. My mother was very abusive, and so was my ex-wife. Maybe somehow I'm asking for it, I don't know.
But I'm having a really hard time being essentially abused by my boss for something that wasn't my fault, or mostly wasn't. I guess I shouldn't go into the details, but basically he's being a complete bastard and expecting me to psychically predict the future or something in order to avoid problems.
I've busted my ass to get things right, and I even pointed out something that I was concerned about which he basically brushed off. Sure enough, a week later it turned out that my worries had been correct and that my boss had been dead wrong. Does he admit that? No. He basically blames me for everything at this point.
I'm on his shit list. And since I've had pretty bad anxiety all my life, this is really not working for me. I also happen to be changing anti-anxiety meds, so there's that, too.
He's wrong; I know that. And I'm reasonably sure that he can't fire me, because there's nobody else at the company who knows the things that I do—things that they absolutely need to have done. Although they certainly don't pay me what I'm worth!
I'm just really tired of all this. Tired of being scared. Tired of the abuse. Tired of having to worry every day about money, because they won't pay me what I'm worth.
Workers at my company asked for cost of living adjustments. The CEO basically told them to go pound sand. We really need a union, but I can't find any way to make that happen.
I really hate this. Just wanted to say that and get it off my chest. This has not been a good enough life, and I think we all deserve better.
#angst #capitalism #abuse